She said shes scared of commitment?

[Peanutbutterjelly10]

I've been dating a woman for over a month now and we are really smitten with each other. The other day we had a date and she mentioned she's scared of commitment and now I'm worried I'm going to get my heart broke. She always tells me how much she likes me and things and has asked to take things slow which I think we are. I just don't want to carry this on if in the long run she's going to break my heart. Should I speak to her about it? What do i do?

If its of any reference i am also a women and this is both our first time dating women.

Bump

It's still early days and too soon to be talking about commitment. Unless she means she's dating other people.

Personally I'd take things for what they are atm if it was fun.

It’s been a month. You barely know each other, this is just the infatuation stage.

She is right to want to take it slowly, especially as this is the first same sex relationship for both of you. So calm down and just see how it goes, or you are going to scare her off with your intensity.

I guess you’ve not heard the joke

“ What do lesbians do on the third date? “
“ Go flat hunting “ .

Sorry I don't mean I want to have the commitment chat right now as like you say its early days. I just mean if it does go well and she's saying that I'm worried she's just going to break my heart.
I don't think she's seeing other people. She deleted the dating app we met on within a few weeks and posted something about me on her social media. Just that comment she made, made me think.

@soola yes I've heard it. I don't want to rush things. Just that comment made me think

“It's still early days and too soon to be talking about commitment. Unless she means she's dating other people.

Personally I'd take things for what they are atm if it was fun.”

This. And there are no guarantees ever. You can see from the threads on here that you can have been in a very committed relationship with someone for decades and still have it end.

She may be warning you to expect very little from her so it’s worth keeping an eye on things but as gamerchick said, you can’t yet know how this is going to play out even if she is capable of commitment.

Btw: being scared of commitment is a big pose in my view. It’s a way of saying: I’m just a bit more special than everyone else and I want to keep my options open at all times.

What is the problem with being scared of commitment? It is scary, trusting your life and future to be bound up with someone else. I am much more wary of people who leap straight into commitment - usually not long after their previous commited relationship.
It's been a month. Continue to get to know one another and build that trust over time.

TBH I think it’s normal to be scared of committing to someone you have known for a month. Especially when you’ve not dated a woman before.

I think she’s indicating that things are moving a bit too fast for her. I’d back off a bit and keep things light and fun, otherwise you might scare her off.

It’s WAY too soon for either of you to be talking about commitment.

@Scarby9 and @S00LA - I expressed myself wrong. I agree it’s completely right to take commitment seriously and think that 1 month is too soon for commitment. But I had understood the statement as being more general than that. But probably my statement was a bit snotty. I retract it!

Interesting.

When a man says he's scared of commitment, its described as a big ol' red flag and posters are told to run a mile.

There is a big difference between wanting to be certain and being afraid of commitment.

@OldChinaJug

Interesting.

When a man says he's scared of commitment, its described as a big ol' red flag and posters are told to run a mile.

There is a big difference between wanting to be certain and being afraid of commitment.

You’ve got to laugh. Ten posts in and someone is already trying to make this about men.

They are both women - read the OP.

Carry on as you are but watch out for other signs.
I am scared of commitment but on the couple of occasions I have met someone I really fell for, any commitment-phobia disappears.
I think my fear of commitment is really a fear or getting someone’s hopes up if I am not that invested.

I ended up asking her what she meant. I understood where she was coming from as I'm the same.

You’ve got to laugh. Ten posts in and someone is already trying to make this about men.

Wasn't making it 'about men' at all.

My point was that the advice the OP was receiving was very different because her partner is a woman than it would have been if her partner were male.

If her partner had been male, she'd have been told that a fear of commitment was a bad thing and that she should LTB.

Partner is female and she's being told there's nothing wrong with it.

Glad you got it sorted, OP.

*I guess you’ve not heard the joke

“ What do lesbians do on the third date? “
“ Go flat hunting “*

Why is this sexist, homophobic joke relevant?