I don't fancy my friend but want him to fancy me

[abbie43]

I have a male friend. A few years ago we were both single at the same time and there was some flirting but neither of us took it further, from my side because I thought that in the long term we would be completely unsuitable as a couple. Anyway he started dating someone and it was quite serious for a while. Watching their relationship develop confirmed to me that I'd done the right thing by not trying to be more than friends with him. We are both now single again. I'm not interested in being any more than friends with him, but ... I want him to fancy me. It's a self-esteem thing isn't it? I guess I just want the ego boost of being seen as dateable. Has anyone else been in this position or got any wise words about how to get over it. I actually feel quite horrible wishing an unrequited crush on a friend.

I can’t imagine why anyone would ever want this?

Well start using your imagination. It's not hard to imagine why is it really?

No I have never wanted someone to fancy me if I don’t fancy them. It has happened a couple of times with male friends (when I was single and a lot younger) and I found it very uncomfortable and just wanted them to get over it.

*Pulloutbed Just because you've been there too does not make this any more acceptable or in any way ok.

Erm... I don't think I've ever had that feeling

I have 3 very close male friends, and, it would make my skin crawl if any of them fancied me. So not what I would want, expect, or encourage from a friend. Are you sure you don't fancy him?

Wow leave the poor guy alone
OP that's just so selfish and horrible

There's plenty of men op. If you're feeling like getting some attention just go on date sites or start interaction with single guys who you actually fancy in real life or on social media. i have very low self esteem and I understand that need to be wanted but it is pretty empty if it's from someone who you don't actually want.
I think what you're feeling is disappointed, he did like you but you pushed him away, now he's over you so you don't have that little superfan boosting your ego anymore.
Get out, flirt, have some dates, you'll soon be over this need.

@Florencex

No I have never wanted someone to fancy me if I don’t fancy them. It has happened a couple of times with male friends (when I was single and a lot younger) and I found it very uncomfortable and just wanted them to get over it.

Me too, more than once. It's nice to feel wanted but awkward if he's part of your group and you're not interested. My really good friend ruined our friendship by declaring his love for me. .he was a great source of support too as I have health issues and single working mum etc but he became really intense and told all our friends how he feels and it's made me start avoiding social situations as he's also told people I broke his heart.

Just to quantify: nothing ever happened between us, not even one kiss.

Everyone likes to feel attractive and wanted but not to the point where your coming from. I want you to want me but I don't want you! See how wrong that is!

Maybe you're in denial and there is some feelings there but not enough to want more with him.

I want him to fancy me. It's a self-esteem thing isn't it?

No it's a weird ego thing.

It's cruel and shows you are a very controlling person who enjoys power and manipulation of others.

Its relatively simple you need external validation. I'm not going to lambast you because I suspect some pp don't see the irony that by being holier than thou they are also seeking external validation that they are "better " than that.

So here's the thing , external validation is unreliable and useless. If that's what you seek to define yourself by you are at the mercy of other peoples caprices and whims. The reason counsellors encourage internal self validation is firstly it's more reliable and secondly it stops you treating others in a negative way. Which you would if you encouraged him to be attracted to you in anyway.

Figure out how to find it from within and don't mess with his head for your own needs.

You're not his friend.

I half understand what you mean op. I feel all frumpy and out of love with myself. Id love strangers to think im irresistable.