Unravel dating doubt

[thesix]

I'm quite under confident/ low self esteem (for background I want to be up front). Been chatting to a guy for about 2 months, met up after about a month and we seemed to really get along. He messages all the time and is really thoughtful/ considerate / "nice", however..... lol. I do all the travelling. I've met up with him 5 times now. He cancelled twice that I was meant to go to see him, no problem. Then he was due to come to where I live to go for dinner and cancelled saying he wasn't feeling well. I went and saw him midweek. Tonight he was due to come up and cancelled again saying he is really tired from work.
Am I reading too much into this or is there something weird there? 5 meetings, 4 cancellations.

I hit post by mistake. I just wondered if there's any kind soul out there who could possibly give me their take on it as I haven't yet told family I'm dating again.
He asked me really quickly to be 'exclusive' so it's not even like I feel like I can fall back anywhere or date chat to anyone to take my mind off it without having to have a proper conversation about it. I kind of like him so want it to work. Thank you so so much in advance for any pearls of wisdom xx

Sorry OP. He's not bothered enough to travel to you. He's not worth it. Too many cancellations - save your time and find someone who is more interested. He's told you who he is. There's better who would be bothered - don't bother with him anymore.

He's a flake at best, or testing you to see how much bullshit you'll take at worst. Either way, bin him off.

I’m sure he likes you OP, but he’s flakey. You will never be able to rely on him and he won’t change. Is that good enough for you?

@Bouledeneige thank you. This is what I needed to hear. I could not figure out if I was being too sensitive or not, if this was normal and just deal with getting ready & then let down at the last minute... the more I type.... hehe. thanks so much

@Aquamarine1029 @edwinbear thank you. He's really full on with the texting and 'love bombing' and I was in a rough marriage before this so I'm like 'oh attention, yessss I'll put up with any of your BS!' Ayayay... when will I grow a set. thank you again.

It’s so selfish when men do this, they surely know you will have spent time getting reading, washing/drying hair, waxing/shaving/scrubbing, painting nails etc. They value their own time more than yours and think it doesn’t matter that you’ve wasted time and emotional energy. It’s so self absorbed, not great relationship material.

Love bombing is a massive, massive red flag, op. This almost always predicts an abuser. Get rid of him and stop wasting your time.

OP guess what. He's not worthy of your time. It reflects on him, not you.

Something much better will come along soon enough. Just be glad you weren't dragged deeper in to mr lazy. He's not going to be anyone's dream man.

All, thank you. You're totally right - I just had doubts that I was getting it all wrong and being dramatic.
He definitely has all the chat to make you feel like a million dollars but the actions haven't proven to live up to the words. and you're right - if you work to show yourself in a good light at the start then what treats have I got to look forward further down the line.
So helpful. Thank you. I can get rid.

Flaky AF. Likes you enough to hang out when it suits him, not enough to properly invest in you and consider your feelings. He may have asked you to be exclusive but it was too soon IMO - that needs to be earned by a guy. He hasn't put in the effort or been considerate enough to deserve your exclusivity. This kind of laziness means he just wants easy sex and company, someone to text and not get bored - not a relationship.

Detach, date other guys, don't make yourself as available to him - if he's genuinely keen, he will step up. If not, you have your answer - dump him.

Agree with PP that texting takes zero effort, which is why he’s so good at it! Anything more than texting, which requires some effort on his part, not so much. I’d just back off a bit, don’t reply so quickly to his messages, stop travelling to him. Once he realises he needs to do some work he’ll either step up, or step out.

Lots of red flags.

Would also not be surprised if he wasn’t single.

Yea I have considered that but I did go to his house the last time I went down to see him. It definitely doesn't look like anyone else but a guy would live there. doesn't mean he isn't seeing someone else mind you!
I was panicky before about my quite narky response to the cancellation but now I'm delighted I just didn't say 'ok no worries' like I did the first time I got ready and he cancelled. And I'm just leaving the rest of his messages on read until tomorrow when I'll address it. another one bites the dust I guess 🙄

I can't thank you all enough, honestly - I'm surprised myself at just how much this has helped me feel like I am not overreacting.

You’ve definitely done the right thing OP. Well done and stay strong!

I've posted similar.

My boyfriend/ ex boyfriend always used to cancel. If I spoke up I got criticized for needing to much reassurance and can't I understand he's busy.

You sound strong, don't put up with it.

@Wanttobeonabeach thank you - I'm the opposite of strong but having people take the time to give you an unbiased opinion really helps so much!
Was that why you broke up with him eventually? I'm sorry to hear but you sound like you're glad you don't have to put up with that anymore! x

Well done for not putting up with that nonsense!

If he wants to see you, he'll make the effort. If not - byeee!!!

I dated a guy about 2.5 hours away from me. At first I was happy to make that drive very couple of weeks. But as time went on I wasn’t as enamored with him anymore and I started making excuses not to drive to see him. However he was more than happy to drive to see me and towards the end of our relationship I wasn’t driving his way at all.

So you’re more into him than he is is to you. A man that really wants to see you will not have a problem driving to your house as long as you’re willing to drive to theirs.