Ex playing games

[Monsteraponstera]

My ex broke up with me during lockdown for reasons linked to him which broke my heart. I’ve tried my best to move on and we’ve remained friendly and stayed in touch. He’s now saying he wants me back and wants to see me but has no firm plans as yet in place to restart our relationship because of reasons linked to his current job. It feels like a mind fuck. I don’t want to walk away totally but I’m taken for granted.

He's keeping you dangling. Move on

Your choice... Doormat or not?

If you move back in it doesn’t sound like it will end well.
He wants you to move in but doesn’t want a relationship?
It sounds as though you have done all the hard work of moving out and this would be a backward step.

No bin him! Don't let him downgrade what you had and use you. The job is an excuse just move on.

I’m not sure what he did so it’s difficult to say. Would any promises he makes for change last?

I’m inclined to think hes taken you for granted before and thought the grass would be greener. Then he’s found that’s not the case.

I’d suggest he’s just looking for an easy and convenient relationship and you’ll do until someone better comes along. He’s probably not getting regular sex and is missing that too, a strong driver in many to promise the earth to get the ex back - and then make no effort once she’s been reeled in.

Do you really want that guy or are you just wanting the security of what you had and were used to? Are you settling for him as “he’s ok”. Because if you are you will never find anyone better while you’re with him. You need to be single to meet anyone new.

There is no rush to go back with him. Have a think about what you want. So far it’s all about him.

It seems to be about what he wants and needs and what fits in with his life.

Oh fgs!

Get some self respect here. Just ditch.

You're the back up. Whatever he had planned didn't work out, he's still casting around for better, but as things don't seem to be as rosy as he thought, he's done the relationship equivalent of holding that delivery slot at Tesco. Just drop her a line, ping, stop her getting with someone else just in case.

Get bloody rid!

Agree with others. Block and move on.

He can't do anything without your participation, so stop participating in his drama. Say nothing more. Block him and get on with the rest of your life.

I don’t want to walk away totally but I’m taken for granted.

If you don't want to walk away, then buckle up for a bumpy ride, because he's already offering you crumbs. It's up to you to decide whether or not you want to be a bird and accept the crumbs.

People treat you how you let them in life.

I feel like I say this a lot at the moment(!) - @FizzyGreenWater has nailed it.

Find your self respect and block him.

'No, that's not for me. Thanks but no thanks'.

Also, he isn't your friend, he is a dickhead.
Friends have respect for you and your feelings. He doesn't.

Get rid and move on. He’s just taking the Mickey and clearly doesn’t care about you, head up high, move on.

Block!!!

He broke you heart once
Don’t hand it to him on a plate for him to do it again because he will.

@Monsteraponstera

It seems to be about what he wants and needs and what fits in with his life.

That’s because it is

It seems to be about what he wants and needs and what fits in with his life.

Agree.

What do YOU want and need and does this arrangement fit with YOUR life?

Think about that. You did not and will not get what you want from this character. Any revived relationship will be a substandard version of the one you had before - he shat on you from a great height and has chosen to take you back with even lower standards.

You know the answer. You know the outcome.

All you have to do is to resist the urge, impulse, compulsion to get back with him. This isn’t for ever - it might only be days / weeks. Say No and Block. Then all of the ground you have covered to date will not be wasted and you won’t have your self esteem crushed a second time.

Anyone deserves more than the RS you initially hard and definitely much much more than the one he is offering you now.

This is just a booty call, stop gap, whilst someone else comes along.

Don’t do that to yourself.

You deserve better. You are in 100% total control of which way you jump right now and if your life continues to move along in an emotionally healthy way - or if you choose to be drawn into some v chaotic and damaging situation which could pollute the next year of your life.

Your choice. Think carefully.