Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

Toxic mother-in-law

35 replies

Lovemyma · 09/10/2020 07:05

We have always had a bad relationship with my in-laws. Even before we got married, even before in met my mother in law, she used to send me messages pretending she is worried about my husband's well-being and saying that he has to take pills. Even before my husband and I met she was a very abusive mother. Everything points to a narcissist disorder. Finally 5 years ago we decided to cut off all contact with them. For years now she follows me and the kids around and she uses every oportunity to insult me and recently she started talking to the kids, and they are scared of her. For the past 5 years she has been sending emails filled with insults, adressed to me, my husband, my sister, my mother and even my grandmother (all of these relatives of mine live abroad). My father-in-law is practically invisible, she controls everything. We have made it clear we dont want any contact with them and in spite of that every day she comes to the playground and she talks to my children and upsets everyone. Last year she walked into the park where my husband and I were sitting while the kids were playing and she started yelling at him "Can't you see how she manipulates you?" I try to ignore her because of the children or pretend that i am making a video pointing my phone at her, i have told her to go away and she says "This is public space". But these are my children and without my consent she can't talk to them, I dont know what to do anymore so she stops following the children around, they are scared of her and i dont want that person near my children. We have reported her twice but it hasn't made much effect. I appreciate your insight and advice.

OP posts:
Lovemyma · 11/10/2020 20:48

@FlapsInTheWind

You say that your husband is at the end of his tether and yet he is not prepared to do anything about it or consider moving!

Moving away from them would give you a new lease of life! Digging in is effectively saying he is prepared to put up with this shit!

Move or start actively getting solicitors letters sent to her regarding all the in person harrassment and the emails she has sent to you both and your loved ones. That way you have something you can go to the police with.

I would move though or do a combination of both. As the DC grow she will escalate. That is why moving is the far better option.

We have talked many times about moving, but that would have to be close to my H workplace, and she knows where he works, he says that be knows her well and she would do the same thing no matter where we moved, unless we moved far away, which would require careful planning. The first time I met this woman was also very memorable. When we were an unmarried couple, we used to live in another town 40 km away from here and one day she walked past us "as if by accident" and she said to me "Hello, I am his mother but he doesn't want to see me" and all of a sudden she burst into tears. I felt so sorry for her, and I needed 2 years to realise that it was all an act and she always presents herself as a victim.
OP posts:
PunishmentSnart · 12/10/2020 11:15

@SBTLove

She sounds completely unhinged! Actually record her every time and build ion the evidence to help get her charged, would you tolerate this from a stranger?
What do you say back to her when she does this?

She sounds crazy.

PunishmentSnart · 12/10/2020 11:16

Sorry that was to @Lovemyma

Lovemyma · 12/10/2020 20:09

I never say anything back, in the last 5 years I have uttered only 2 words to her, and those were "go away" when she started talking to my baby girl on one occassion. Her response to my "go away" was "this is a public place". We never respond any messages or emails, but keep them as evidence.

OP posts:
Lovemyma · 12/10/2020 20:19

It is impossible to reason with her, we have tried. She either starts crying or starts insulting. Whatever we did wasn't good for her. We never understood her demands, but my father in law used to tell us that she is a "weathered soul" and we should understand her and respect her rules, never understood what those are.

OP posts:
SeaEagleFeather · 12/10/2020 22:30

The only way you can handle this is by stepping back and planning.

record everything, written and by phone whenever you can. write down what you remember of what was said, when, and when she followed you. Write down what you've written here.

Then contact Paladin and follow their advice.

Never mind desperate panic, you need to -plan- now and to follow this through. Right now. Because the day your kids are old enough to get phones, she's going to have contact with them out of your control and she's already proved she's willing to call their dad mad and you manipulative. She will be a very bad influence on their lives.

You need to think now, steadily, and act now rather than later.

PunishmentSnart · 14/10/2020 14:17

I feel so sorry for you. It must be awful. I have no advice, just a hug and I think you’re dealing with it brilliantly Flowers

She is disgusting telling your parents to take you back to your own country.

JaniceBattersby · 14/10/2020 14:27

Are you in the UK? I sit in courts every day and see people prosecuted at a much lower threshold for harassment, and at the same threshold for stalking. It’s an incredibly serious offence.

I’d get hold of the police again and insist that they take this seriously.

Lovemyma · 14/10/2020 16:29

@JaniceBattersby

Are you in the UK? I sit in courts every day and see people prosecuted at a much lower threshold for harassment, and at the same threshold for stalking. It’s an incredibly serious offence.

I’d get hold of the police again and insist that they take this seriously.

I wish I were in the UK, i know things are taken more seriously there. I am in Spain.
OP posts:
Lovemyma · 02/11/2020 20:36

@PunishmentSnart

I feel so sorry for you. It must be awful. I have no advice, just a hug and I think you’re dealing with it brilliantly Flowers

She is disgusting telling your parents to take you back to your own country.

Thank you very much, I appreciate it.
OP posts:
New posts on this thread. Refresh page