Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Rows with husband

11 replies

Erol12 · 08/10/2020 23:43

Children have left home now. All the issues of the past just Waiting for me to look at.
Husband says let’s leave past behind start again but I hate the way he has not understood the pain of his mother being spiteful and hateful to me over the years .how he always seems annoyed and upset by me .
Sometime I don’t know why / what I have done . Sometimes I do Know and I always challenge him but he is not able to speak to me in a reflective way . We argue and argue it feels like he dislikes me and frankly I often dislike him. We never have sex now. I just don’t know how to fix this

OP posts:
Anordinarymum · 08/10/2020 23:50

You know for some men the bond with their mother is always that of a deferring child - even when they grow up - and if the mother is horrible to his wife, he may not want to challenge his mother in case she punishes him in some way.
He wanted you to accept it. Why should you ? It becomes unresolved in case he hurts his mothers feelings.

Now you are in a better position. What do you want from him? Do you want to separate or sort this out ?

widespreadpanic · 08/10/2020 23:56

Seems like there have been issues for years. If you can’t talk to him about it Maybe you should look into counseling both individually and as a couple.

If that doesn’t fix it then you don’t have kids to tie you to him so leaving him would be the last option.

Original poster
Erol12 · 09/10/2020 00:03

Thank you an ordinarymum and widespreadpanic.

I do want to sort it out I just feel a huge sense of injustice
I don’t know where to start because I’m angry and I want to feel loved not just occasionally but with some consistency

OP posts:
Anordinarymum · 09/10/2020 00:08

OP is your mother in law still alive ? Is she still being horrible ?

Original poster
Erol12 · 09/10/2020 00:34

Yes she is alive and very nasty. I don’t want to be bitter but I am becoming so
Example - you were always know as easy when you were younger
You don’t give a damm about my son
Look at you I never thought you would let your hair get like that
Your daughter from that first marriage of yours is no grand child of mine

OP posts:
Anordinarymum · 09/10/2020 00:36

Has she said any of these things in front of your OH ? Has he ever heard her saying anything nasty to you ? Does he know she is nasty ?

Original poster
Erol12 · 09/10/2020 01:15

One time - on a phone with the microphone on. But he was just trying to stop it all like a teacher breaking up a fight IN a School Yard

OP posts:
Anordinarymum · 09/10/2020 01:18

So he knows then. Does he think it is your fault ? I'm trying to make sense of the situation. Does he know what she is like, and has he admitted to you that he knows?

I'm asking all these questions because at the end of the day he either values you and his relationship with you or he simply does not.

Aquamarine1029 · 09/10/2020 01:38

If your MIL is so awful, why do you have any contact with her? It's not mandatory you know.

Anordinarymum · 10/10/2020 14:54

I wish OP would return. Sometimes a thread just pulls at your heart

Shizzlestix · 10/10/2020 22:36

Why do you have contact with her? She sounds batshit. Can you go nc?

New posts on this thread. Refresh page