Please be kind 😢

[MissM123]

I’ve had the worst week of my life. I really need advice on divorce. Hoping someone can help. We’ve been going through marital problems since lock down and during that time I paid £270 to get legal advice, I was told the initial payment would be £1750 then £240ph for financial stuff. He stated because my husband is on a good salary and I’m a housewife I should get 70% he would get 30% of the house, is this right? A friend has suggested shopping around for Solictors to get a lower rate but that means paying out the consultation cost again, I’ve got a little bit of savings but not enough for the whole divorce, do I wait for husband to start the divorce to save costs? If I start it will the costs be taken out of the house sale. Omg so many questions, feel such a mess and don’t know what to do 😢

I don't believe there is a fixed percentage and it will depend on the marriage assets you have. If there are other savings and pensions then that will be considered as the "pot". I have read on previous posts that solicitors may take payment from the settlement but I have no experience just didn't want to leave your post unanswered.

Is it a mutual decision ? If so then your solicitors involvement could be minimal, obviously if there is court proceedings involved it will be expensive. There is also mediation which looks to agree finances between you.

There is no fixed percentage I am afraid, and what you get might be owed in a great part on how your case and his case are presented in court.

My suggestion is to take the bull by the horns and do the basic work yourself, get The Which? Guide to divorce from Amazon which covers all the basic more general stuff, and only use the solicitor time for questions that are very specific to your case.

After a very long and expensive divorce, my only pearls of acquired wisdom are:

• most solicitors charge very much the same so shop for the best one for your case, talking to other women who have gone through something similar is the best way to get a recommendation.

• use solicitors’ time for legal advice only, if you need to poor your heart out, do so with a friend or pay a counsellor who will charge much less per minute than solicitor and provide better emotional support.

• You don’t need to convince solicitors that he is wrong or you are a good one, you are paying them to protect your side regardless.

• Do not arrange child maintenance through court, it is expensive and long winded and, although you can get more than what the CSA indicates, either you or your ex are free to contact the CSA after 12 months and revert it to the absolute minimum legally and without a problem. Now if your kids are in private school, ask your solicitor to fight for an arrangement where he keeps contributing to school fees as that won’t be covered by the CSA.

• Nobody wins in divorce, you both are going to be worse off at the end of it. Start finding ways to support yourself and your children as it is unlikely spousal or child maintenance will cover all expenses unless he is properly loaded. Check entitled to.org.uk to get an idea on how much financial help you can get, working at least 16 hours a week makes a massive difference.

• Don’t fight to stay in the house UNLESS you can take over the mortgage/rent payments. If you can’t, fight for the equity. Oh, and always use an independent mortgage advisor as they are free to find a deal that suits your circumstances better.

• Mesher orders can be very good or very bad depending on your age. The older you are when your kids are 18, the worse they are as it may be very difficult to get a mortgage with affordable payments the nearer you are to retirement age.

• And finally, consider the financial and emotional cost of the battle. If what you are going to get out of it is likely to be similar or less than what you would get in court, then is better to arrange things through mediation and walk out of the situation with less permanent emotional damage.

It sounds daunting at first BUT believe me, you will find the strength to go through this and come on the other side a much happier, confident and stronger woman, you just need to bear the brunt of the storm until it passes. 💐

Sorry, If what you are going to get out of it is likely to be similar or less than what you would get without a costly solicitor costs, then is better to arrange things through mediation and walk out of the situation with less permanent emotional damage and without a massive dent on the finances due to costly legal fees.

Just wanted to say thank you for everyone's advice ❤️

How are you doing today @MissM123, I hope things are feeling a bit brighter today.

I have good days and bad, today is a good one. Thanks for asking x