Abortion

[aytx8]

Please help. I don't want any judgement at all because i'm honestly as broken as it is. I have an 8 month old son and currently 2-3 weeks pregnant. I told my partner of 3 years and he completely freaked and told me to get an abortion saying he is only 21 and already has a baby with me ( our 8 month old) . I completely understand him but he finished in me knowing what he was doing. I've been crying since i found out and he just gets mad at me when i cry. It upsets me because its like he doesn't care about me.. I have every reason to cry and i have no one to go to because he doesn't want anyone to know. I'm 18 and this would be my second. We have our own home and he is a partner at his uncles shop. He can afford for the baby. I know people will say I'm young but I'm just so scared to go through the abortion and i feel like ill get depressed afterwards and constantly cry. His sister is having trouble conceiving so i cant cry to her because i feel she would be annoyed and jealous. I live 3 hours from my mom too. Please just advise me. I live in the UK

He wouldn't use contraception and is upset that you're pregnant? He can't make you have an abortion. Nobody can. I was way older than you when I was in a similar situation. I refused. My body, my baby. He wasn't happy, but I know myself and knew that mentally I couldn't do it and it would trigger depression. You have a home and two children close in age play together well and the second one is so much easier than a first baby, when you don't know what you're doing. If you want it, tell him that's it's non negotiable.

Do you want to get an abortion? That's what it comes down to, as much as he can tell you one thing it'll be you that has to go through with it. If you want the baby age doesnt matter - I'm 20 and pregnant with my second, my first is 8 months old like yours. This pregnancy wasn't planned but we are embracing it, what I think you should do is take him out of the equation and think about your needs. Seems like he has an easy time telling you what to do but doesn't give you time to explain your views.

What do you want? To keep the baby? It is entirely your decision!

I can also understand why your partner may be reluctant to have a second so soon after your first baby. It is a lot of change, especially for a couple so young - it’s not just about money.

He should be more sympathetic towards you though. Do you have family you can talk to? It sounds like you need support in real life.

Please don’t worry about the abortion procedure, if this is what you decide to go with. A surgical abortion is pretty much painless, a medical abortion with pills more so.

PS having an abortion doesn’t make you depressed or decrease your fertility.

Either way I think your relationship is over.

Do you want to bring up the baby alone? If so then don’t have an abortion. Do what’s right for you.

I re-read your post and I can sense he may be abusive and you may be depressed. Please talk to your family, a friend or a GP. Abortion clinics like BPAS also provide free counselling.

If you don't want to have an abortion, don't have it.

He should have used condoms (or at the very least withdrawn, though it's not always reliable), or made sure you were using something if he didn't want another baby. You're both very young and get pregnant at the drop of a hat. It's not like he hasnt already seen how that could happen!

Even if he ends the relationship (which would make him.an utter bastard).he still has to pay child maintenance .. though he could try to make his income look lower of he's employed in a family business and they are prepared to be sneaky/nasty.

having an abortion doesn’t make you depressed or decrease your fertility.

That's not necessarily true.

OP, don't allow anyone to tell you what to do. Can you go to your mum's for a few days?

I just wanted to send you some love and .
Please don’t let him bully you, decide yourself what you want to do - with or without him.
You sound very mature for 18, I feel pregnant at 22, so not as young, but my boy is now 17 and I love being a younger mum!
If I could have my time again, the only thing I would of changed would be to have another 1 or 2 so then it was out of the way whereas I’m now 40 and wanting more children

*having an abortion doesn’t make you depressed or decrease your fertility.

That's not necessarily true.*

It is true. Based on medical evidence. Can provide references used by NHS and national bodies.

I’m sorry to hear you are going thru this and I really do not have any advice to give.

However I had an abortion and never experienced depression and didn’t have any issues getting pregnant again. And there is after services therapy that can help if needed (I didn’t as I knew it was the best decision for me). Good luck.

Why were neither of you using contraception?

It's your choice.

But you have your whole life ahead of you, and who knows if this relantionship will last or not. Think about having another child and how it will effect any future relantionships / future life plans. You also should have protected yourself and used the pill or some sort of contraception so you are both equally responsible.

Youre more likely to get depressed after giving birth than you are having an abortion, if that helps ease your mind. There's also very little risk of any effect on your fertility.

Personally I wouldn't want to have another baby with an arsehole, but, that's me. He sounds dreadful. You mention his job and not yours, so I assume you don't work? And you aren't married to him? This means you are extremely vulnerable as well.

But, I understand being young and baby crazy. If you want the baby, keep going. Just please do realise that having a baby is often a bad idea, even though your emotions will tell you different at the time.

The cleverer plan is to get yourself some security - without relying on this guy - before you bring another life into the world.

@Veryconfusednow based on personal experience my abortion did trigger mental health issues and also decreased my fertility due to scarring. Where does your information come from?

Sorry to hear of your experience worried74

Here is some reliable information from the NHS on risks

www.nhs.uk/conditions/abortion/risks/

(infertility ref links to post infection rather than the procedure and it’s a tiny, tiny risk)

Also this leaflet busts myths re links with mental health, breast cancer etc

www.fsrh.org/documents/fsrh-and-rcog-abortion-care-factsheet-to-support-rse-lessons-in

Without wanting to sound insensitive, I had an abortion and felt instantly relieved and have had no fertility problems.

I don't think you get any scaring with a tablet abortion as it's just your body naturally repelling it. It's only with a surgical abortion which they now only do for pregnancies further along.

Do you want to have the baby? Are you prepared to raise it alone if needs be?

Are you afraid of the process of abortion or of the effects on you?

I’m so sorry you’re struggling OP. But you have to think straight.

Hi OP - not much to add but wanted to send hugs and

I had an abortion when I was in my mid-20s, and I did it because it felt 100% the right thing to do for me. It wasn't fun and I did feel sad after but I have never regretted it. However it's a hugely personal thing and all you can do here is what feels right for you.

Your partner certainly sounds unsupportive, and pretty cruel. It's no doubt really hard on you to be going through all this so young. Could you talk to your GP and ask for some extra support? Getting counselling might help you to feel you have someone to talk to - you should be able to get fast-tracked because of the pregnancy?

Wish you all the best