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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Advice needed right this minute DH on way home by 9pm!!

18 replies

paddlinglikemad · 11/10/2007 19:52

Okay long long story but basically I have a credit card as an additional user type thing on DH account..we are away on hols Saturday so went to fill car up with petrol with card and it bounced so paid with my Switch (in overdraft!!)..thought it must be a missed payment etc so rang but am up to credit limit he is going to go up the wall...I am bad with ££ but when I add up the incidentals it comes to about 1/3 of overall balance the rest was on some big bills we had over last 9 months..anyway unless DH has ££ in his current account we have no ££ for hols and I am going to have to tell when he comes in from long journey home..and theres is going to be HUGE row I know ...I need advice on how best to handle it ..pllllease

OP posts:
Lulumama · 11/10/2007 19:54

make sure yuo give him a drink and a sandwich and just tell him straight, apologise, no excuses and promise never to do it again , offer to draw up and stick to serious budget.

and when oyu get back from hols, car boot and ebay everything you can manage without !

RubyShivers · 11/10/2007 19:54

what lulu said ...

Desiderata · 11/10/2007 19:56

Yes, you can be nothing but honest, and take it on the chin (not literally, of course).

He's more likely to forgive you if you start budgeting tonight.

And remember the golden rule. Saving money isn't about what you earn ... it's about what you don't spend.

Good luck.

Original poster
paddlinglikemad · 11/10/2007 19:59

thanks Lulumamma have had a look round the house and the one thing that would pay it off in one would be his posh sports bike thing ..but that ain't going to happen..
I thought I would say that I will get the tax credit and my wages paid into his account only (so I can't get access!) and he can do all the finances I will just have a bit of cash for incidentals say £40 per week..have also looked at doing an extra job in evenings to help pay off more, but obviously that would mean he would be home alone with the kids at night but hell we need the ££ I suppose

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kittylouise · 11/10/2007 20:01

I would list all the 'incidentals' and try and prove the point that the spending hasn't been frivolous (hoping that you haven't been on a shoe buying frenzy!! ).

Also make a big point about the large bills that have been paid on the card.

Truly, if you haven't been extravagant don't feel guilty. But if you have - do the above and grovel.

Then, if you can, cut the card up and tell the credit card company that you don't want another - best avoid this kind of debt trap, I know because I have spendthrift tendencies at heart - now don't feel happy having any kind of credit.

In the short term though, would you really have no money to go on holiday with??

Feeling for you, you must feel rotten.

Original poster
paddlinglikemad · 11/10/2007 20:01

oh I am soooo bad at arguments if I try and do the sorry thing and he rants at me I find it sooo hard not to rant back about unrelated stuff and then probably burst into tears!!!!

OP posts:
Lulumama · 11/10/2007 20:03

if you cannot pay it off in one go, at least show willing to pay it off

and try not to rant back

if he knows you are crapola with money, will he really be that surprised?

bad timing before hols though

be brave !

kittylouise · 11/10/2007 20:03

I would think carefully about having all your money going into his account and having an allowance each week. It is very difficult to operate like that and unless you're careful it can lead to resentment (speaking from experience).

theUrbanDevil · 11/10/2007 20:05

is there anyway you can get a bar job or something in the evenings? that would bring in some extra cash, which would obviously be handy. i think the idea of getting the tax credits etc paid into his account is a good one, shows you're serious about sorting it out.

tell him straight, tell him you're sorry, and tell him you'll sort it out. i'm rubbish with money too, but have recently eBayed a load of stuff to help out. the most surprising things can go up to high sums of money. have you got baby stuff to sell? even stuff like bibs and muslins, sold as a job lot, can fetch a surprising sum.

and, as lulu, suggested, a drink and a sandwich to help numb the blow!

good luck, it's not the end of the world!

Original poster
paddlinglikemad · 11/10/2007 20:07

kittylouise thanks for that the bits on there are for food, petrol, new school uniform nothing for me as such still cutting my own hair and wearing ancient clothes!!!

DH doesn't understand the cost of stuff at all so am thinking if he has to do all the budgeting it might also make him realise..
butunless he has cash in his account then have £0,hoiday i paid for but till need to buy food etc a self catering ...

OP posts:
kittylouise · 11/10/2007 20:11

I wouldn't be too penitent then - it isn't as if you have been extravagant.

Mind you, that might not help. XP used to be scandalised by the amount of money I used to spend of food. He really wouldn't have had a clue how much a loaf of bread was - think he wanted me to do a weekly shop for about £15. Oh the joy of joint bank accounts (never again!).

ut don't suggets selling his sports bike to pay the card bill - that might not go down too well!!

Original poster
paddlinglikemad · 11/10/2007 20:16

Thats just like mine he thinks I should be able to pay Childminder (400 p/month), buy food for family of five, 3 dogs and 3 cats, pay petrol and parking for work on £780 a month and I can't do it...we have separate and joint accounts so the joint is all for the direct debits mine is for the above and whatever left in his is for his travel, food at work etc (don't know how much he has left over a month) oh god I just hate ££ talk !

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Original poster
paddlinglikemad · 11/10/2007 20:22

Have checked Holiday cancellation insurance doesn't cover being skint ..pooh!
Kids are sooo looking forward to it though..oh I hope he is feeling mellow please all pray to the 'make DH feel mellow' angel for me

OP posts:
LaDiDaDi · 11/10/2007 20:30

You need to use this as an opportunity to talk about your finances and how you manage them.

When I saw the thread title I though "Bet she's blown it all on shoes etc" but you clearly haven't. Your dh has unrealistic expectations of what you can get for £780/month imho. You need to review your entire family budget, it may be that you are living beyond your means as a afamily and need to economise or it may mean that your dh has to get used to spending more of his cash on your essentials.

Lulumama · 11/10/2007 20:32

am praying for you !

£780 does not go far, with £400 of that on child care

even a basic shop for 5 is £50 a week

am feeling less inclined for you to make him a sandwich now!

Desiderata · 11/10/2007 20:45

I'm confused (not difficult)!

Who is giving you the £780 per month?

Desiderata · 11/10/2007 20:48

The £780 is your wage, am I right?

But you also have a joint account for, presumably, mortgage, etc. Do you have to pay into that, as well?

Original poster
paddlinglikemad · 13/10/2007 20:48

Hi am back the £780 is my wage and tax credits that I keep after my input into joint ..only about £150...

he has enough cash for Holidays in his account as he is saving for his boys holiday ....so he is not all happy at having to spend this
have had many lectures.... wants me to write down all I spend so he can review it he is loving this having a great power kick..hey ho just grin & bear it...for now

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