Heartbroken over a silly crush

[Maltadreams]

I don't know how to explain it without sounding stupid. I'm abit unhappy in my own life. My relationship is ok but not much going on anymore In terms of sex etc. We have children.

2020 has been absolutely crap for everyone. I have been affected by it mentally which is hard because I'm normal upbeat.

A few weeks ago I started going out for long walks again. Got chatting to a bloke. Keep bumping into him. He has a little flirt and Chat with me. He walks away or I do. He looks back at me. We smile at eachother. All the crushy vibes are inside me. I was really sure be felt the same room either that or I can't read men. The smiling at me with his eyes gazing my way has to be real. Aswel as cutting other people off when he sees me so he can flirt with me or just say hello in a really jolly way.
For a couple of weeks now I've been considering what I would do if he pushes things further. I feel like he's shy and it's holding him back. But I've thought about it. I've literally thought about what this could mean for me and most importantly my children.ive thought about my realtionship. I've considered a million things.

Then I go through stages where I panic. I tell myself I'm stupid. Then I can't deny how strongly I feel about him. It's not just about sex. I feel like I want to chat to him and find out about him.

It's the worst feeling in the world. I know it's easy for people to say I'm being obsessed. But how do you turn off feelings. They are there and i don't know what to do.

Can I cry please

Felt the same too that should say.

Suggestion: you've had Covid and it has interfered with your powers of rational thought?!

Only joking.

If you're unhappy in your current relationship then you are likely viewing this man as your knight in shining armour - 'the one' who you are meant to be with and who will save you and give you the idyllic future you are craving.

Honestly, you must know very little about this man? Does he know you are in a relationship?

Haha maybe you are right.

Yes he knows I have children and live with their dad. I don't know anything about him really. Only his job. It's just friendly flirty chat. I don't even know his name.

Just wish I could forget about it.

Hi OP, please remember this man is a complete stranger. You don’t know anything about him except that he seems friendly. I would look at improving your real life situation rather than going any further with this crush. Can you look at how to regain the spark in your own relationship? Or develop hobbies and interests that fulfil you. I think the appeal of this man is a fantasy and if you really knew him you probably wouldn’t be interested.

I feel that when things like this happens it means there is something going on in the relationship. Maybe you’re missing that spark and the honeymoon period. Or it could be you are outgrowing the relationship. Try to regain the spark or maybe think about couples counseling.

Thanks. Yes it's quite obvious isn't it in a head sense. He could be an awful person. But it's my stupid feelings!

I feel like I need him out my head to move forward. It's like I'm being stubborn but I don't want to be. I really hate this feeling.

When we are unhappy in a relationship.. and I can relate I'm going through the same. My marriage has been dead for years but we have 3 kids and I've tried to make it work..
If someone else comes along they will seem amazing, and I'm there myself. Got talking to someone online. We WhatsApp and call every day. I have met him in person once for a coffee. And we kissed. I know that's wrong I'm not apart from husband yet just first steps of separating. I have filled in gaps with this guy. He's good looking, makes me laugh but.. I have no idea what he is like in "real" life. He could be a nightmare. He might snore, have stinky feet, be a nightmare to live with.

It’s a bit of escapism? we are living in very full times at the moment. Maybe he also has a significant other...
I’d concentrate more on how to rekindle your actual, real life relationship and deal with that first before pursuing any possible new opportunities. Otherwise very messy!!!!!

@thecatsarecrazy

How did you feel after kissing him? Worse or better. This is exactly what I keep thinking. He could smoke, do drugs and be out every weekend getting drunk. All I know is he works in the building type work. So he's a blokey bloke.

My oh is really boring now. I think I'm with him for four reasons.

The kids
The fact we have a mortgage
The fact I wouldn't want to hurt him if I ended it and I really would.
Also my family would be so cross, frustrated and angry at me.

I am so torn between you should try make it work and you have one life. Forcing a realtionship to work is a waste of life. But I don't want the kids to have a broken home. Plus I can't really justify trying to see if someone else would take us all on.

He is either really interested in me or a full on player I guess.

I didn't walk today to distance myself. But I just feel much happier when I've seen him.

Honestly? I loved every moment of it. First time in a long time I had felt anything. He too is a blokey bloke, drives heavy haulage for a living, has a beard, tattoos everything I fantasize. My husband is an overweight computer programmer with no interest in me or the kids.

What does it say about the man's integrity if he knows you have kids and live with the father?

Well I’ve been in your situation and I acted on it.
Biggest regret of my life let me tell you.

You know nothing about this guy. He will have flaws, probably huge flaws. You have already built up the idea of him in your head and projecting your love on to him when you don’t know the first thing about him.
You need to put all that love and energy into your husband, your family.
You said your relationship is ok...so not terrible then. If you water this crush your relationship will die off, trust me when I say that. You won’t be putting your focus and energy into your own relationship. How would you feel if your husband was going on walks and meeting beautiful strangers and exchanging glances and pushing it further. You would feel utterly shit.
Usually these type of situations end up toxic. There is a push pull dynamic which gets you addicted and before you know it you think of nothing else, your self respect hits the floor, you get hurt and by which time the damage is done and you end up with nothing and no one.

Don’t do it. You are a married woman. Respect your vows and don’t stomp all over your family for a charmer you know nothing about!

And if your relationship is in trouble you need to talk to your husband. Don’t bury your head in the sand.
If you want to end your marriage do it when you are thinking clearly and know what you want...not when your head is full of marshmallows because of some good looking bloke.

*My oh is really boring now. I think I'm with him for four reasons.

The kids
The fact we have a mortgage
The fact I wouldn't want to hurt him if I ended it and I really would.
Also my family would be so cross, frustrated and angry at me.

I am so torn between you should try make it work and you have one life. Forcing a realtionship to work is a waste of life. But I don't want the kids to have a broken home. *

It already is a broken home..or at least heading there if that is how you currently feel and nothing changes.
If you're not modelliing a healthy happy relationship then I would consider that to be broken.

Have you and your partner tried to make it work and fix things and get the spark back or have you both just quietly let the relationship die?

This is how affairs start and end in a dreadful divorce with blame and consequences.

Either men or women might feel 'bored' in a relationship and start looking around. In this case you. If they get the vibe from another it all feels exciting and before they know it a person takes the encouraging smiles and sex etc.

Other partner eventually might find out and is devastated and queue blame game etc and maybe messy divorce.

Don't be 'that person' - either sort your marriage or separate FIRST before cheating.

That new guy fancies you and enjoys flirting in general.. he doesn't sound that shy. He is probably DTF but sexual attraction alone doesn't mean you would be a good couple. If you indulge in this more you will lose your own self respect for yourself. When your children are older if they find out you had an affair they might never see you in the same light again.
The guy is a red herring, he is an escape and a distraction from facing your reality and making a decision about your life and future. You be your own rescuer and hero. It's almost like you want to secure a job offer before quitting your current one.. but thats not how it works in relationships. Not decently anyway.

I was in exactly the same situation 2.5 years ago. I never acted on it there and then but it did give me the push to finally separate from my then dp after 13 years of unhappiness
I did end up with my crush 3.months later and I'm still with him now and I dont regret a single thing but I couldnt cheat. I didnt want to be one of those people and I know it would have destroyed my relationship with my kids

@ghostmous3

Wow that's lovely, you ended up together. Brilliant

At least you weren't 'that person' and did it the nice way. So many on here bash men for cheating and yet lot's appear to think ok if an unhappy woman does it.

I think we sometimes get crushes as our mind's subconscious way of telling us something.
At the moment I have a major crush on this bloke I've met a couple of times. I really want to shag him, marry him and have his babies (well, not that as I'm too old now to start having kids). When thinking rationally I think it's highly unlikely that I will end up in a relationship with this guy or that we would be compatible.
But what it is showing me is that I am finally ready (two years after a toxic relationship ended) to consider a new relationship. In the last year I've had a couple of mini crushes on people - wanting to shag them. That was showing me I was ready to have sex with someone else. Until two weeks ago when I met this guy I would have said I wasn't ready for a new relationship. My crush is showing me that I am finally ready to move on and that I would want another relationship.

What is your crush telling you?

You are treading on dangerous ground with this stranger because the next step will be physical and then there will be no going back.

Walk elsewhere is my advice. It's what I would do, and I would blame myself entirely for leading this stranger on, letting him even think he could be in there with a chance