Co parenting - living together but separated - success stories?

[Livinginmoment]

For a variety of reasons I'm choosing not to be with DH. There was no 'us' in the relationship, he completely avoidant, everything fell to me. Despite this, the parenting partnership works.
Does anyone have any advice or tips about living together and making it work?
I realise in time I would want to be with someone new, and will likely need own space, but me being explicit about wanting different life is new step.
Any advice much appreciated.

I tried this but it didn’t work.

If you are going to be separate, that means everything separate. No cooking or cleaning for each other, clear rules and expectations and some degree of detaching emotionally.

How old are the children? Will they understand?

Separate bathroom and bedrooms, where there is clear boundaries in space.

I did this, for a while I felt it was relatively successful.
However, it was just the final way for my ex to control and manipulate me. So, if there is any background at all of abuse in even the most minor form.. Don’t do it.

My children and myself are far happier in our own home together.

Good luck, I know it sounds very appealing and you go into it with the best of intentions. I just urge caution.

It doesn't work. I had to do it for a while, not really through choice, more a necessity but it was stressful and he still expected things to carry on as normal, ie me cooking for him etc. I did so everything as I usually had done most of the time because he was still doing all the shopping and paying the bills but the times I didn't get his food ready, he got very grumpy about it. There was also a boundary issue and I had to tell him to stop walking into the bedroom, which he didn't like and didn't really understand. He also wanted me to still sit with him etc whilst I just kept out of the way.

I dated, he didn't apart from a one off that he tried to hide. It was awkward and I didn't feel I could stay out because of the awkwardness. When he moved out it was such a relief tbh. I'd never recommend it.

I’ve been doing this with my ex for the past 18 months and so far so good. He has a separate bedroom but everything else is shared. I do school drop offs, he does school pick ups as I work full time and then I take over and do DS’s bedtime when I get home and also do weekend childcare. He does a lot of the cooking which is a bonus as I’m a lousy chef! We used to argue when we are a couple but now we don’t argue but don’t exactly chat much either. We feel more like flat mates than anything but it seems to work for now and I think it works for DS6, for now, it that may change. It helps that I have absolutely no energy or desire to meet anyone right now as I imagine that would get much more complicated, so we will cross that bridge when either of us reach it. I also know two other colleagues who live with their ex’s in a similar set up and if works ok. Not perfect by any means, and certainly not anyone’s ‘childhood dream’ but a pragmatic solution for a time, particularly in cities where property costs may make it difficult to have two separate places. I would say to make it work both need to be absolutely clear it is no longer a couple relationship, and be ok with that, and both be committed to coparenting.

This is what I'm facing. He works from home, I don't work. We have 3 children youngest is 3. He knows that I'm not happy and want to split. It's not something he wants so I can't see it being easy.

@shivermetimbers77 it sounds like we are in very similar situations. Thanks everyone so far for sharing.
There isn't a past of abuse or manipulation, just very passive, avoidant for which there fall out of avoiding that builds ups, often consequences I pick up pieces for. Feel like the only adult around and tired of feeling like have own it all, life is too short.
I'm trying to look at this as one day at a time and not have expectation of having it all figured out and adjust as needed.
As someone else has said, clear boundaries, like flat mates, and have plan B ready should need my own space.
Still happy to hear others experiences, thanks to those how have shared, great to hear all sides of this dilemma.

ps we have option to build an annexe at foot of garden which might be an option as well aware of load of both working FT and managing day to day with 3 - 2 in primary, 1 in secondary.
When I first asked for separation through talking agreed at very least we'd be friends (I'm sure everyone goes through this scenario) but that is the intention.
Not naive that this may quickly change if either of us meet someone.
I'm clear in my reasons for not wanting this marriage, just navigating this transition will take resolve.

@thecatsarecrazy have you tried couples counselling or seeing a therapist by yourself? I highly rec'd - for the perspective and support, life changing.