Boyfriend spending less time with me because he 'doesn't like apartments'

[Petals23]

I'm with my boyfriend 4 years. Live an hour apart, him in a house, me an apartment.

I've felt for a while now our relationship is fizzling out, seeing less of each other etc, and he seems to be spending less time in my place.

Anyway we had a chat about things over the weekend and to my surprise he said he doesn't like apartments or spending time in them and he gets bored.

Surely if he valued spending time with me it shouldn't matter where we are?

I’d say there isn’t a relationship now

He is a coward and not able to be honest and end the relationship, or he just is using you for sex. Not sure which.

When I met dh he had no heating or working cooker. Then not even a TV!!
Made our own heat and entertainment!!
.
Ime he has called time on your relationship op. He is just spineless.

I really don't think he views you as a real partner tbh. He certainly isn't invested in making this work, is he.

It’s not a big problem if you’re both happy, and if you’ve no great desire to change your relationship to be living together (not in your apartment). But are you happy? Where do you see yourself in another four years? Would you ever like to be living with him? Or anyone?

Oh god, just split up. Looking back at your many previous threads about the relationship, you’re clearly not that bothered about each other.

I don't mean to be unkind, but stop being deluded. It's over.

Is this a reverse of : www.mumsnet.com/Talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/4044440-AIBU-to-want-to-spend-our-weekends-at-mine?msgid=100656247#100656247

My (ex) partner recently told me that he found it 'boring' at my flat. A few weeks down the line and we are now history. I ended it, but it was because I knew he'd lost interest. Do yourself a favour and cut your losses. You are worth more than this. With love xx

That is up there with Boris’s cardboard box buses, OP. Really insultingly obvious fib there.

Is this now a big issue in our relationship?

I don’t think you understand, him not liking apartments is code for “I don’t want to be in the relationship” but being a coward, he’s waiting for you to end it.

You can of course choose not to call him out on his BS and continue with this protracted fizzling out.

What a bollocks excuse. Why has it only just started to bother him now?
I’d dump him by text, it’s all he deserves at this point.

@Lampan

What a bollocks excuse. Why has it only just started to bother him now? I’d dump him by text, it’s all he deserves at this point.

I didn't even text my ex, I just blocked him on everything and carried on with my life :-)

Yeah he's done. It's suddenly an issue after 4 years? Please.

Sorry OP whether consciously or not it's an excuse. When I met DP due to a convoluted issue with his work and moving around he was in a shared house with a single room. It didn't make a blind bit of difference to me. It wouldn't have been an issue at all. Of course it wasn't my choice but if I wanted to spend time with him and for whatever reason not at mine then there it would be and suck it up. I wouldn't ever choose to live in a shared house ( other than those I was in a relationship with or gave birth to) but it was where he lived.

Sorry if he cared it wouldn't truly matter

Thanks all. I saw him yesterday for the first time since he said this. Even though I'm not sure I'm over-reactjng or making a mountain out of a mole hill, I told him I was shocked by how blunt he'd been saying this. I told him this is my home, that if this is how he feels he should have got a girlfriend who lives in a house. He said this is how he is, blunt, 'but sorry if it upset you'.

I feel things are a bit awkward now but I felt I had to bring it up again today.

Surely the bigger issue is that you feel the relationship is fizzling out? If it was just this one comment I'd say don't worry about it. But seems like neither of you are that in to it.

I don't know why but I'm feeling guilty in calling him up on it, I nearly feel as if I've done something wrong. There's a definite coolness between us now.

Sounds like the relationship has run its course. Would that bother you?

I'm beginning to think maybe it has run its course. There is another issue where I feel I'm not a priority in his life, so really overall things aren't great. It really does upset me that he doesn't like my home.