Relationship with an older woman.

[Redarrowfan12]

I'm 30 and she's 39. We got talking online during the covid lockdown. We hit it off straight away. Started with messages, then to phone calls, then to video chats. She seemed really interested in me and we both planned to date and meet up when we could. She started getting quite intense with her feelings, so much that I backed off a little and almost felt a lot of pressure. I was honest with her and she couldn't accept it. The next 6 weeks, she begged and begged to see me, she literally didn't give up. She went on dates to try and stop herself from getting in contact with me but she kept on perissiting with me. During this time I was starting to feel the pressure ease and I really stated to miss her again.

To cut a long story short, I met up with her and you could tell from her body language she was totally into me. I was more reserved but she completely blew me away, we just hit it off once again. That was two months ago now and we've been dating ever since. We really have hit it off and she tells me how much I mean into her, that she doesn't want to lose me, that I'm the only person she's interested in, that I'm the most amazing, loving, caring guy she's ever met. We have agreed to be exclusive and I've fallen fast for her, she is everything I look for in a girl. She says things which worry me a little. Things like I'm the cutest thing ever, because I help out with my old neighbours, my boy, says she feels totally comfortable with me and that speaks volumes. She calls me a lot, messages me, replies quickly etc.

My concern is she broke up from a long term partner just before starting to message me. I only found this out a month ago, and dint realise she was still living with him. It kind of took me back a little but I've accepted it and she has now moved out. There was also one instant where we were sitting holding hands, and a guy walked past she clearly found attractive. She moved away from me and stared at him playing with her hair. She could see I was clearly p@@@ed off with that, so then went over kill in telling me how much she likes me and appreciates me. She's also started a new job with a lot of people and I'm worried I'm going to lose her. I haven't told her this, I'm remaining my upbeat, self.

She has told me she loves me, misses me when we aren't together and she really does say and do the right things. Should I be concerned or does it sound like im overthinking to much?

There was also one instant where we were sitting holding hands, and a guy walked past she clearly found attractive. She moved away from me and stared at him playing with her hair. She could see I was clearly p@@@ed off with that, so then went over kill in telling me how much she likes me and appreciates me

Apart from everything else you’ve said about her and her red-flag intensity, this example of lack of respect for you just adds to the reasons why you should stop seeing her. She’s bad news, seriously, and will be a total mind fuck.

I mentioned to her that my friend (a girl) had stopped talking to me after I told her about her.

A day later she questioned me if I'd heard from my friend and she said to me, she's being thinking about my friend and that she wants me to be sure about her, and not lose my friend because of her...I was a hit confused by what she was trying to say.
She said to me, I want you to be sure about me. To which I replied, I'm sure as long as she is sure about me. She replied 'yeah'
She then went on to say about places she wants us to visit when I can see her again and said to me that she is totally 'sold' on me and doesn't even look at other guys anymore. Said a guy walked past her in the street that she should find attractive and she didn't feel anything.

She kept saying 'as long as you're sure'
I think she is quite insecure? Or she's trying to say in some weird she she's not interested in me? I asked her to tell me if she no longer is feeling me. She just replied 'yeah'

Sorry but you seem like a classic case of rebound. I would run for the hills.

Come on, op. She's nothing but hard work. Can you honestly not see what a head fuck she is? You should have more sense at your age than to be wasting your time on the likes of her.

Yup, far too much effort. That way lies disappointment.

You both sound about 15

She said to me, I want you to be sure about me. To which I replied, I'm sure as long as she is sure about me. She replied 'yeah'

This is how teenagers speak OP!

I think maybe you enjoy drama as otherwise I can't understand why you're staying in this relationship, it's ridiculous.

So she’s pulls away from you and plays with her hair while staring at another guy she obviously fancies . This while she right next to you . Can only imagine what she does when you’re not around .
Agree with all pp’s , she is a total whack job. Reading this is giving me a migraine . Run , fast as you can!!

@Dontletitbeyou yes it really shocked me and annoyed me. She knew it too. I'm keeping my guard up and not getting too attached. I like her, i like her a lot and she says all the right things. I just hope it is genuine. We can't see one another now because of lockdown so just as we were regularly seeing each other it's stopped.

She sounds absolutely ridiculous. Why are you entertaining this nonsense?

I would bet she is a textbook narcissist. She's lovebombing, the relationship is going too fast, like all narcs she craves security, and yet as soon as someone else walks by of greater interest you are toast. Please read up on relationships with narcissists. She will devalue and discard you faster than you can ever imagine and it hurts terribly once you are fully invested. Check for other red flags - has she asked you questions about yourself and is taking a genuine interest in your likes, interests, wishes beyond the first few weeks? Does she have long time close friends? Mood swings? Do you find yourself defending her when she forgot something important to you - etc.

You sound quite young for 30! This is not a healthy relationship. Take this time to phase it out and like somebody else said - read up on love bombing!!!

She doesn't sound like the right person for you. Flirting with someone else in front of you is just hurtful. Who would do that?

There are many, many more people out there, most of whom don't behave like this.

@wishywashy6 Exact same age gap as you but we are only a couple of months in and like you I’m thinking it’s lovely but it might not go anywhere...nice to think it could do though 😊
OP...sounds like a textbook rebound and a hell of a lot of hassle for such a new relationship. I’d be cautious in your shoes.

I’m mystified why you even ever met up with her, her behaviour beforehand is crazy, you should have blocked then.
Use restrictions as a reason to distance yourself.

Does sound intense. I've been through similar. Met a guy online in August, started off chatting through a website, then WhatsApp, then phone calls and facetime all within a few weeks. He was getting very full-on. If I didn't answer the phone he would call again, then text I tried calling babe? We have met once. Just a coffee and a kiss now he's telling me he loves me. Be careful op. He's now phoning me trying to put all life problems on me and we hardly know each other

@Livingmybestlifenow awww lovely! We really don't notice the age difference at all, good luck!