Hi team
Regular here with a name change.
Been together 2 years with DP. Dont live together, no kids either side. Me - mid thirties, him, late thirties.
About 6 months into our relationship he had a very stressful incident in his family. At that point out sex life almost immediately dried up from an already slow once a week to once every 3 months or thereabouts.
We've had a million discussions, and broken up once over this (and a few other issues - i basically told him i was sick of his moping in other areas and lack of sex so I was done).
He came back after a few weeks saying he had sorted most of it (true) and would work on libido. Full disclosure: He takes an anti-depressant tablet once per day at bedtime to help with sleep. It says 'to aid sleep' on the prescription label but when you google it theyre antidepressants. I asked him to speak to the dr, as it may be tablet linked. Dr ran some bloods, no issues. As tablet is working for him with sleep, Dr doesnt want to change.
He made an effort with the sex side for a week or so but told me he just doesnt have the 'urge' and is just constantly exhausted, sex isnt top of his mind.
I know we've all heard this before, so bear with me.
I've actually sort of accepted he just isnt a very sexual person at this point. I think he grew up with not a lot of focus on sex. Parents showing no affection to each other but otherwise happy etc. Claims to have not been motivated particularly by sex, in a way a lot of men are. Without it being outing, he had very pressuring parents for him to succeed at what everyone thought would be a glittering career through his teens and early twenties. His focus was 24/7 on that talent. No late nights drinking and shagging! No gf until his career ended early mid twenties. So im not sure he ever developed a super sexual side.
Now. Here is where i need help.
I know the usual answer is 'leave' and i expect people to still advise that but im actually rather confused.
Every other long term relationship ive had I'VE been the one to go off sex after 18 months. Infact, when we first got together 2 years ago, i had anxiety about it.
I cant decide, and couldnt before DP came along, whether i was just having sex to please the man. I've always got the ick or just found sex a bit of a chore beyond the initial throws of excitement.
I felt stressed and anxious knowing any ex was probably hoping the deed would happen when i would rather he asleep. As a result, all my past relationships fell apart after this caused me to push them away.
I feel confused here. I know most normal people would walk away and i feel like society says walk away... but im not sure if I would be giving up someone because they dont fit a societal mould rather than because theyre wrong for me.
I am so confused by this and dont know how to unpick it. Should i be running for the hills or not?!
Friends give conflicting views, some cant believe im staying, some say "it sounds like bliss" and I just cant get to an answer on how i truly feel about it and need help.
He is very cuddly and affectionate in other ways and tells me im beautiful... there is just no sex or sexual touching... apart from every couple or third month. Normally during a weekend midday nap!