Not sure if I'm just being oversensitive or DP seems to always compete with me (even with board games etc)

[Hmmm500]

DP has been one of these ultra competitive people who's always no. 1 at most things. When he met me, he said he felt intimidated by my intelligence etc. and never had that with a gf before. (I think part of it is his bravado of confidence and competitiveness hides a bit of an insecurity) and he's one of these CEO types.

I find that whenever we play board games with another couple etc he always seems out to "get me" if that makes sense - like those games where you could take cards or points from another player, it'll always be from me and he'll try and say I'm cheating at the game because X, Y, Z (often naive mistakes I've made as I'm new to the rules). Whereas the couple, he has known them over a decade (DP has only known me 2 years) so it's not like he's not familiar enough with them to do this stuff to them.. if anything he's known them longer.

How is your DP during board game nights with other couples? I wouldn't mind if he did that with everyone but seems targeted only at me.

Also, he always actively encourages me to be part of the convo and asks what's up if I go quiet but if I say something funny etc. in the group of his friends, his friends will laugh but he'll often seem like he's not even listening..

I don't know if I'm just being oversensitive, overanalytical and this is just typical partner behaviour or it's just showing what's underneath the surface.

Dated someone like this. We never played games with other couples but with family and he always was extra competitive with me. Say If he made a move that ended up with me losing points or something he exaggerated his win and his expressions of triumph which was way over the top. Like he was “getting one over on me” or something.

He also wouldn’t laugh at my jokes or if we were in a group talking he’d always find something more interesting to pay attention to instead of me.

After a while it just caused a lot of resentment. I stopped participating in games or making jokes around him. He’s not someone I’d be happy with long term as he “crushed my spirit” regularly.

My poor sister in law is married to a man like this. It's an incredibly unhealthy relationship.

What do you think of him when he does this?

It doesn’t sound very nice to be honest. I used to go out with a guy who I beat at bowling. He went quiet and when we met up again the next week he told me it had bothered him all week. I was a lot younger and inexperienced at the time so didn’t really know what to make of this. Now I’m older the fact that he couldn’t take me beating him in a game and was upset about it was a red flag and a very unattractive characteristic. And also possibly sexist now I think of it! So proceed with caution and see how well he treats you in other areas.

Also, is he genuinely a good, kind person? The older I get the more I realise that kindness and decency are the most important things to look for in a partner.

I am an awesome snooker & pool player.

This skill has proved incredibly useful in enabling me to weed out many a pathetic, sexist wankstain of a man in the very early dating stages and well before they would usually present their true selves.

I highly recommend it.

I dated a guy like this for a few months. Our first date was bowling - I think he won because he was v happy. As time went on I realised it bothered him. A lot of our dates were doing things like crazy golf, bowling, pool, tennis etc and I became more and more aware that he didn't like to lose. Eventually he took me swimming (wanted to impress me with his membership of swanky golf / spa / gym place). I obviously hadn't mentioned I was a county swimmer back in the day - he pissed me off so much I LITERALLY put one arm behind my back and still won. I didn't see him again.

Nice work @HugeAckmansWife!

There always seems to be a least one of these arseholes at the swimming pool when I go. I’ll be in the zone doing my breaststroke lengths at a steady, constant pace and suddenly notice lots of frantic splashing and flailing about in the next lane as some tosspot bloke challenges me to an imaginary race.

I do enjoy the look on their faces after I speed up, ‘win’ and continue the next length backstroke (so I can watch the inevitable wheezing and spluttering).

Totally not okay in my book. Sounds like a childish wanker who is seriously threatened by you ever doing something better than him. Can you live with that? I really couldn't. Losing graciously is a sign of maturity. Taking pleasure in your partner losing is the sign of a nasty fucking bully.

And yeah to Ackman - kudos!

@BestestBrownies brilliant post. I am awesome at word games. I once beat my now husband at a word game and he threw a massive strop. It led to a huge argument because he basically insisted I shouldn’t have tried to win. I should have played to allow him to get a better score. Dumber myself down basically. With hindsight it was a huge red flag as to his personality.

[quote mallorytower]@BestestBrownies brilliant post. I am awesome at word games. I once beat my now husband at a word game and he threw a massive strop. It led to a huge argument because he basically insisted I shouldn’t have tried to win. I should have played to allow him to get a better score. Dumber myself down basically. With hindsight it was a huge red flag as to his personality.[/quote]
OMG! What is it with people like that? Growing up, we were taught about sportsmanship and how to be a "good loser" and so on. It's embarrassing to see an adult behave like a petulant toddler. Couldn't fancy that!

Yeah... he likes keeping you firmly in your place, doesn't he?

Usually during board games it's everyone for themselves, or teamwork. Yet he is constantly showing you he is better than you, and will take you down...

My DH is a CEO. He is perfectly capable of being beaten at board games or cards by me with perfect good humour and without it laying an axe to the roots of his identity.

Not board games but we used to play cards over a pint etc with a couple years ago and no, DH never targeted me, if anything we went easy on each other, would have made good bridge partners if we ever played.

Does your DH ever congratulate you for anything, OP?

He is trying to put the little woman in her place (a.k.a-you!)

I dated a guy like this, used to have a right strop when he lost. Big red flag and men like this are misogynistic.