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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Am I in the wrong?

9 replies

Veryhungrycaterpillar84 · 04/10/2020 19:03

Earlier today I was facetiming my mum with ds4, for context my mum has just been diagnosed with cancer last week so I really wanted to listen to her. Ds got a bit over excited and was running around shouting and interrupting so I asked DH if he could supervise him for a few minutes whilst I was on the phone. Dh was doing some non urgent paperwork in his office. Dh didn’t supervise him, I asked him several more times but he ignored me. I shut myself into the utility room. Finished my call and 10 seconds later I hear screaming and crying, run out to see ds with blood streaming from his nose and mouth having fallen up the stairs trying to carry a laundry basket upstairs. Dh hand him over, Obviously I have to sort it all out, dh goes back to paperwork, I do the cuddles, clean the blood, check his nose wasn’t broken ( was ok luckily), apply frozen peas etc. 30 minutes later he calmed down. Told dh I’m cross with him for not supervising ds, his response, he doesn’t need supervising and he won’t learn unless things like this happen. I think he should have said sorry but he would never do that.

I brought the frozen peas wrapped in teatowel downstairs later and left it on the kitchen counter. Dh picks it up and drops the peas all over the floor, he was huffing and puffing, sighing “Why hadn’t I thought about it, I could have put them in the bin” etc and now he’s pissed of with me and moody.

What is going on here? Is it really my responsibility to make sure he doesn’t drop peas on the floor? I feel like whatever happens in this house it’ll always be my fault. Sometimes it feels confusing and don’t know whether I’m right or wrong these days.

Sorry it’s so long, well done if you read the whole thing.

OP posts:
Itwasaquarterpast11 · 04/10/2020 19:10

Flowers I'm sorry about your mum.
I think that potentially you are overreacting on this occasion because you are stressed. I don't think DH needs to apologise to you for not supervising ds, you aren't his employer and possibly his reaction was because he was upset about the accident too but expressed it badly.

RedskyAtnight · 04/10/2020 19:24

Is DS 4 years old (or your 4th son...?) If he's 4 then he shouldn't need constant supervision so he just had an unfortunate accident.

If you'd wanted a proper chat with your mum (understandable) I do think you should have waited until DS was in bed or arranged properly with DH to watch him. 4 year olds are not the best at keeping out the way, even if supervised. And have to admit, I'm not sure why you put the peas on the side - surely they go back in the freezer?

Opentooffers · 04/10/2020 19:36

So when you asked DH, were you in the same room as him? Did you shout up to him? Did he actually reply that he would? When immersed in something -even mundane paperwork- people can blank out the rest of the world, not necessarily intentionally. I know I do this, people can ask me stuff and it just doesn't compute. Men can do this a lot, women generally multi-task better, but I'm poor at it unless I really put effort in not to, it's like you switch off to everything but the task in front.
You got caught out by your DS playing up at the time, I'm sure with hindsight you realise now it would of been better to have agreed that DH would have him for a while before the call. Having said that, it's bad on DH if he did reply that he would but didn't, then that is not on.

Veryhungrycaterpillar84 · 04/10/2020 19:59

I think you have are all right. I’ve blown it out of proportion. I was stressed, not thinking straight. Thanks everyone. Xx

OP posts:
nolovelost · 04/10/2020 20:24

Why couldn't your DH help you with your injured DS instead of dealing with paperwork is what I'd be more concerned about.

AtrociousCircumstance · 04/10/2020 20:27

He was an absolute arsehole.

He could have soared fifteen minutes to allow you to support your mum at this difficult time.

He showed no compassion for your injured boy. Yes these things happen, but you don’t have to be a heartless prick about them.

Self important dick putting his no doubt gold-standard, life-saving paperwork over the needs of his family.

AtrociousCircumstance · 04/10/2020 20:27

*spared

myhobbyisouting · 04/10/2020 21:02

He should've watched him. Properly. You didn't overreact and I'm sorry about your mum, hope you're ok

RantyAnty · 04/10/2020 21:12

You didn't overreact.
He should have gone out when DS was running around shouting and done something with him until you were off the phone.
Does he actually care for or do anything for the boy or is that all on you.
I don't see why you're expected to make an agreement before getting on the phone. It is his child too. You shouldn't have to make an appointment with your DH to get him to do something.
I hope he didn't just walk off when he spilled the peas and expect you to clean it up.

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