What do I do?

[TheIblisHasspoken]

Exactly that really, I'm hiding,in tears again.
My H is an alcoholic, I'm very emotional so sorry if this doesn't make sense.
He's always drunk a lot, we have three children. When I got pregnant with our third, three years ago it's got worse and worse and worse.
He's not physically abusive in anyway, and I don't think he's consciously able to be emotionally abusive. But obviously the situation is emotionally abusive to us all.
He's very recently admitted that he has a problem and has joined AA, but keeps drinking and lying to me. It's the lying to me that's the worst I think.
I feel like if I had anything financially stable to rely on I would have more choices, I would be able to leave, but I work part time in a hospitality role (and you can imagine that this is not the best year to ask for more days or money)
Basically how do I even start to control my life, how do I get out, I don't even need advise on the relationship. I need someone to tell me that I'm not trapped, that I can have a life, that I can look after my babies and keep them happy and healthy.

Have you heard of al-anon? Lots of online meetings available for people affected by alcoholism of relatives.

Why and where are you hiding? It makes it sound like you're afraid, which in the very immediate term, is the greatest concern here.

There will be a way through for you, probably initially linked to detaching yourself emotionally and physically from his drinking.

You're brave to post here and it's a great first step. With it, your journey to a healthier life has already started.

Financially I think you'd find you were much better off living without him, OP. He drinks all the money. You would be entitled to benefits to boost your income, too. If you start a new thread saying how much you earn and what the rent is etc, then you'll find other women in the same boat will give you good advice about how much you can claim.

Thanks so much for your responses. I'm hiding not because I'm afraid, but because I'm very emotional, and I'm trying to keep all this away from the children.
I've tried al anon thank you, I could try again, I stopped because of lock down and it just felt too difficult with the screen.

Do you think there's an element of co-dependence in the relationship, and if so have you done some reading about how it works? I know you don't want relationship advice and I totally get that, but in order to extricate yourself, you'll need to work out where you are most enmeshed in his behaviour patterns.

Do you want to end the relationship with him, or just stop living with him? Or for him to move out?

Do the kids know there's a problem at all, and is it impacting them much?

It's very hard to keep them protected from such an emotional situation. You must be exhausted on top of everything else.

@Eckhart

Do you think there's an element of co-dependence in the relationship, and if so have you done some reading about how it works? I know you don't want relationship advice and I totally get that, but in order to extricate yourself, you'll need to work out where you are most enmeshed in his behaviour patterns.

Do you want to end the relationship with him, or just stop living with him? Or for him to move out?

Do the kids know there's a problem at all, and is it impacting them much?

It's very hard to keep them protected from such an emotional situation. You must be exhausted on top of everything else.

Thanks Eckhart, it's the first time I've considered that, as you say it could very well be a large part of the issue. I would need read up on it to gain some understanding. I have no idea what I 'want' to do, I'm normally a pretty decisive person so am massively struggling to sort through my feelings. Obviously as with a lot of couples the pressure this year has been insane, living, working and parenting on top of each other since March. Not having those normal escapes.... I have explained to my oldest (9) that Daddy has some mental health issues he needs to work on, and if they have any questions to ask us. I try to be honest with all the children within their ages understanding (6 & 3) but as you can imagine I feel like I'm in an almost impossible position, I don't want to colour the children's view of their father, with my emotions.