It’s becoming clear that EA has been going on here. I’m on anti depressants and he starts another row last night by being full on lovely to his daughter last night then continuously accusing me of having a problem with it (even though I offered a lift for their day out) until we have a sort of argument where he tells me I’m mental/crazy, it’s my fault I’m on tablets and I should take some more, he regrets getting engaged/living together and just feels sorry for me, I just go on at him then he just wants me to leave him alone while I’m in a state and then will be asleep in 2 minutes.
I’m so low. It was my birthday recently. I was a bit shirty a few days before as I got home to a messy house and his reaction to my being unhappy/feeling insecure from his reactions soon deteriorated into an argument where he doesn’t love me etc again. I tell him not to worry about my birthday (1. To try and get through to him how bad I feel and 2. Because I don’t feel I deserve anything nice or that he wants to spend time with me anyway). Next day he asks his daughter to go on one of my birthday treats so it’s hard for me to rectify anything as that hurt. I still want to make things better so the day before my birthday I try to make some amends and talk and say I find that hard but make things worse as I’m in a state. Long story short, he takes his daughter out, I’m in a world of pain, drink a bottle of wine then stupidly try and talk to him. End up just begging him to stop and be nice and try to stop him just walking away over and over. He called the police and I got arrested for assault as he had a small bruise on his arm where I just tried to stop him walking away and to help me. I just can’t believe that happened!!
Been trying to make it work since but then last night happened and I know I can’t.
I’m an intelligent professional woman in her 40s. I can’t believe this is happening to me. I’ve ended up in debt, I rented my house out and can’t afford another, I have my 20 year old daughter here to think about as well and I just don’t know where to start, what to do, what’s wrong with me to make someone treat me like this, how to turn off my feelings and how to make myself better.
Work and my life is suffering, I’ve been cutting out family and friends as I can’t be truthful to them about how I feel and I have a constant anxiety chest pain bordering on panic and just don’t know what I’m doing in general