I think I have an emotional chip missing

[Loula84]

Just this really and I hate myself for it. I'm 38 and have always wanted children but it has never happened for me despite me trying for years. I have 2 cats who I love so much but tonight one of them has gone missing. Although I am extremely worried and went out to try and find her in the rain, if she doesn't come back I will just try and erase it from my mind. It's hard to explain but I do this all the time. When things get too difficult I just try and forget about them. There is definitely something wrong with me. It's a way of coping for me but obviously the wrong thing to do. I won't allow myself to think about her if she doesn't come back within the next few days. I can't bear to think about my lovely, darling cat out in the cold.

You sound quite sensible. Why is it the wrong thing to do? No point working yourself into a state about something you can't control; the cat will probably come back - if not, it's sad, but what can you do?

When you force yourself to forget about things, have there been consequences for for doing so? Aside from your cat, and I'm so sorry she's missing, what other issues/incidents do you "forget?"

It's your coping mechanism. But as Aquamarine asks, what are the consequences of pushing down your feelings? Often this can result in things like depression, anxiety, comfort eating, addiction, etc.

Living through painful experiences is not easy. But we do it so we can reach a point (eventually) of acceptance. Do you feel you get to that point?

Actually I wish I was more like this.

I don’t cope well when I’m hurting and I dwell and agonize for eons and it causes me to miss out on so many opportunities and other things in life.

If it’s something out of your control I think putting it out of your mind is fine. It doesn’t mean you are heartless

I think it depends whether you genuinely forget about it, and whether your just suppressing it and then manifesting trauma in a different way.

Also, if you're cat disappears and you think oh well, nothing I can do that's one thing but what else do you just let go? So if you had an arguement with your sister and she shouted I hate you, would you just think ah well, and happily never see her again?

If it's like me, it's not the best thing if you are constantly taking bad feelings and pushing them away, you aren't always dealing with the emotions and they can come back at unexpected times.

Or you completely forget about important things and they can become worse because you don't deal with them at the time, like financial stuff.

It depends if you are compartmentalizing or basically avoiding or repressing.

You’ve tied in not having children with your missing cat...
You clearly aren’t happy about your ability not to care ( or grieve in this instance- should your cat not return) so that in itself is the issue.
I don’t think it’s particularly normal or healthy to just not care, else why have the cats or whatever in the first place .
I hope someone with more insight comes along. Hoping your cat returns too.

I think this is classic denial maybe seek counselling

I don’t.

Emotion is a spectrum, and it’s a very broad one between the poles of Hannibal Lecter and the woman who found herself screaming and crying in the Sistine Chapel because she was so overwhelmed with it. There’s nothing “wrong” with you and you don’t need counselling simply because you deal with sad or upsetting events by picking yourself up and carrying on to some extent, or taking an attitude that you shouldn’t worry about things you have no control over. You’ve said you can’t bear to think of your cat hurt or outside in the cold and will search for her, but will try to move on after a bit, that makes you a normal person who cares for their pet, albeit less sentimental than some.