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Original poster

Help with unsolicited advice

37 replies

Thundercats77 · 03/10/2020 21:00

First time poster.
Currently 36 weeks pregnant and have been married for a year now. MIL does give unsolicited advice at the best of times and now is giving more so as the clock is ticking down to the baby arriving. I have up until now just nodded and done my own thing anyway but I can see I'm getting progressively irritated by the advice she is giving. The fact that my own mother doesn't give advice unless asked for makes it all that much harder.

There are other issues also that are really grinding on me and are all coming to a head now which I had ignored before (I think my hormones are really coming into play). The fact that she constantly wants wants wants or needs things and normally this will involve my DH having to buy them.
She has more than enough money get these things herself as DH has been giving her an allowance of £400/month ever since he was 18 (he's now 40) she gets state pension, she gets disability allowance, DH also gives her the rent from a property that he has (£1000 a month)and my FIL earns around £2000 cash in hand which she has access too and they don't have a mortgage to pay for.

We get told that we need to look at our future and buy our own place (currently renting) but somehow it's still acceptable to take the allowances from DH.

I was on furlough and then made redundant I am now relying on DH (but don't make silly demands). PIL are aware of this but again the want want want of things has not stopped and we were told you will be OK. No acknowledgement of you guys are going to have a kid so stop paying us and you keep the money.

At the moment it's not effecting me and DH financially but I do feel that this money could be going towards my DC once its here.

Once the baby is here and if it does effect us financially then I will have to have a discussion of sorts with DH as at the moment it is his earned money and he can do what he wants with it.

How does anyone manage not to lose their cool? Hints and tips will be appreciated please.

Sorry for the really long post. Did not want to drip feed. Hopefully it makes sense?

OP posts:
Original poster
Thundercats77 · 04/10/2020 15:51

Constantly ask ask ask want want wantAngry

OP posts:
Lozzerbmc · 04/10/2020 15:57

This is awful I have never heard of children giving their parents an allowance and especially when they dont need it. You need a frank conversation with DH and he needs to tell his parents it will end. You have a child to look after now.

TorkTorkBam · 04/10/2020 16:03

Pregnancy and motherhood can make you awfully forgetful. Forget things at the shop. Start taking an apple from them. Ask them to pick something up for you.

Aquamarine1029 · 04/10/2020 16:03

Once the baby is here and if it does effect us financially then I will have to have a discussion of sorts with DH as at the moment it is his earned money and he can do what he wants with it.

Oh hell no. You are married. That money is every bit as much your money as his. You have a baby on the way and your new little family to provide and plan for.

You have a major husband problem, and his mother is the least of it. I would be working this out now, not later. His giving them all that money is absolutely outrageous and unacceptable.

TorkTorkBam · 04/10/2020 16:06

I would do the budget now. You will be too tired later. The shock of realising how much he gives them might mean you have to very little nudging. A savings plan for baby is a good idea too.

Dozer · 04/10/2020 16:07

Not primarily a MiL problem: this is a DH problem.

Would seek a new job once DC is X months old. Not advisable to become financially dependent on your h given his behaviour.

billy1966 · 04/10/2020 16:18

So OP, you have married a man who is 40, ......ye don't have yere own home and you are pregnant, .....and are paying the price of an average morgage every month to HIS parents.

Wow!

You have your hands full there OP.🙄

The best of luck.Flowers

Original poster
Thundercats77 · 04/10/2020 18:20

Thank you for all your responses, it has been quite an eye opener!
He did have his own property, 1 bedroom flat but it was too small for the both of us. That is currently being rented out so he has income from that.

I think I will have this discussion with DH.

OP posts:
LilyLongJohn · 04/10/2020 18:22

£1400 per month is a sizeable mortgage

MushMonster · 04/10/2020 20:31

They are needy indeed! I cannot figure out what they could be doing with that much money! I can understand to ask for help with shopping depending on their health, but to ask you to pay on top of the money they get is too much! Good that DH is asking for the money here.
Yes, you need to talk to him about it.

willowmelangell · 05/10/2020 05:51

I rent. I am wondering what sort of house I could get for £1400 a month mortgage.

Oldraver · 05/10/2020 10:04

What the heck are they doing with their money ?

They must be pulling in between £4-6000 a month

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