Obsessed with therapist

[Pardonme5678]

I have recently started therapy to help deal with issues around sexual abuse which happened when I was a child. The therapy itself has been hard enough but even worse are the feelings I have for my therapist. I’ve become almost obsessed with her, can’t stop thinking about her and looking at her photo. I practically live for my next session with her. I wish she was my mum and I want her to scoop me up and hold me like her daughter. If relevant she’s older, probably about my own mums age, who I’m not close with. I haven’t told her any of this and don’t intend to but does anyone have any experience of this or how to get over it?

I dont have ANY experience of this but it does make sense to me shes a safe older woman a mother figure to you that you probably needed when you were a child. I doubt you re the 1st person to experience this it must be very confusing for you tho. I personally wouldnt tell her any of this but if it gets in the way with your therapy id ask to see someone else..good luck

Look up transference. This is not unusual in therapy. Be open with your therapist about it, she won't be shocked or concerned, it's all part of the therapeutic journey.

It's quite common in therapy, your therapist should help hold the boundaries safely. In some types of therapy (or where the patient has had trauma or missed bits of development) the therapeutic relationship is a kind of proxy for limited reparenting or healing the gaps. Ending well and after an appropriate time is important, and having feelings of having been valued and appropriate sadness, just like an adolescent needs to leave their parent and fly.

This is called transference and is incredibly common in therapy, especially if we didn’t get the right amount (or any) care from our mums as kids.
I had almost identical feelings as you do, towards my own therapist.
I chatted to her about it a lot, and we worked through it together.

I think this is not uncommon with therapy, particularly when you’ve experienced a traumatic childhood. It’s very attractive when someone gives us a safe haven and listens to us and this often leads us to project the ideal, loving parental relationship we never had onto the therapist. Therapists will be fully aware of this patient/therapist dynamic - Carl Jung referred to this process as the ‘transference’.

I’m not a therapist but have been through therapy a number of times in my life and have experienced just this.

I believe that part of our psychological growth during therapy is to internalise this inner mother/father so that we’re able to access our ability to nurture and support ourselves, something we don’t learn property when we were traumatised and abused children. I hope this helps.

It's normal OP. Talk to her about it. xx

Yes it's transference, it's fine and normal, talk to her about it. Disclosure - I'm a retired therapist (also very experienced as a client).
Good luck OP. Therapy is a brave thing to do, and shows that you believe in yourself.

Thanks everyone, I will look up transference. I’m glad it has a name and it’s not just me! Makes me feel much better about it.

It’s actually a really important part of therapy and shows that you are learning to open your heart again after the wounds of your past. Your therapist will help you to manage and redirect these feelings (they probably are the living feelings you deserve to give to yourself). You don’t have to ‘get over’ anything, just feel the feelings and keep talking. Sounds like you’re doing so well, it’s very brave to take on this work on yourself.

CindersCatsSister that's such a lovely way to explain and describe transference!