Is it normal to not want to see anyone

[mirandatempestuous]

I have a very busy life, toddler, FT job, do the majority of the life admin at home.

I see my wider family regularly as my brother and his family are neighbours, and we help each other out with childcare.

I'm friendly with my neighbours and our kids play together quite often.

So I feel that I have enough interactions, especially as the bulk of my work is zoom calls.

I don't want to see anyone else, I have no energy for it, and if I get any down time at all I just want to be alone.

Is it normal to have no close friends? I do have friends - I just don't want to see them because I feel depleted. I feel guilty about that, but not guilty enough to make space in my life at the expense of work or time with tiny DD.

I'm not sure whether I embrace this or push myself to do more. Can anyone relate?

Would you say you are more of an introvert than an extrovert? Have you always felt that way? I'm very unsociable but I know its because I'm an introvert who generally finds people annoying and I've felt this way as long I can remember.

Hmm

Bit confused about the answer to that because my job is very people focused and it's quite visible in the organisation (and I love it).

But yes - I find parties / big groups totally draining and I definitely recharge away from people not with them iyswim.

Does it bother you? I worry that I'm burning bridges with my friends but, equally, not sure why I have friends that I don't actually want to see.

It's easy in this time of covid not to see friends. You can keep the friendships current by messaging or phone chats.

Yes it does bother me but I'm trying to accept myself after all these years. I don't miss people really as I enjoy my own company too much. My job is also very people focused so I wouldnt say that has anything to do with it - at work we wear social masks, or at least I do, so I'm not the real me. Would you like to have a friends? What would you like to have friends for e.g. the odd coffee/chat, or a gang of friends to go out with/holidays etc.?

This is the definition of an introvert. You don't have a problem socialising / spending time with people but you need time alone in order to recharge. Totally normal and the single most important thing I ever found out about myself.

Extroverts are the opposite, they get their energy from being around people and being alone drains them.

I think the issue is that I can see that at this point in my life I don't need or have time for friends - I'm on the go from
7.30-9 every day. But in theory my life won't always be like this and I worry about the future. I don't have any problems making friends but of course you can't make new old friends.

PP who asked what I want friends for - yes all those things - just not for a few years.

I was like this for the best part of 20 years when raising my DC, but my old friends - from school and uni - were in the same boat. Now we're out the other side, we're better friends than ever. Just don't lose touch completely.

And craving alone time is perfectly normal of course.

You can only spread your attention and time so far OK.

See this is what I find confusing - how does anyone with a job and DC have the emotional / physical energy for friendships? Even if you are hugely extroverted there are only so many hours in the day and unless you are prepared to work less or parent less you can't find that extra time.

Also I've noted that some of my more available friends don't have DC or have DC but don't work.

Also maybe I'm low energy.

From experience keep some friendships burning on the back burner. You might wake up one day and need a friend and you realise that your world have gotten incredibly small.

It’s hard I get it. I’ve had my best mate for 31 years. There could be a couple of months before one of us remembers to text the other. As the kids have gotten older we’ve started having much weekends away with out the blokes or kids.

People do need friends

@mirandatempestuous

See this is what I find confusing - how does anyone with a job and DC have the emotional / physical energy for friendships? Even if you are hugely extroverted there are only so many hours in the day and unless you are prepared to work less or parent less you can't find that extra time.

Also I've noted that some of my more available friends don't have DC or have DC but don't work.

Also maybe I'm low energy.

Low energy and maybe a little depressed?