Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Flip

Original poster

move from belfast to a village near chester in this situation?

18 replies

useragsj · 03/10/2020 12:11

I’ve been with my partner for a year and we have a two week old. He lives in a village called tarporely. I’ve visited a couple of times and it’s very nice. He has a three bed house so good space. He works in Chester and can’t relocate. I’m a nurse so can realistically work anywhere.

He’s been going back and forth from mine in Belfast and tarporely for the last six months. He’s suggested we move to tarporely. I know it is my decision but I’m so confused as to what to do. Obviously my family are in Belfast and it’s where I grew up. I love it here. But as DP says my house is smaller and maybe it is nice to bring up a child in a village instead. I would probably rent out my place.

I’m mostly worried about meeting enough people and making friends. Me and DP only stayed together when we found out about the pregnancy so we are just seeing how things go for now and hoping it will work out! Guess I’m also wondering if I will like village life after living in Belfast so long.

Anyone been in similar situation?

OP posts:

TeamLannister · 03/10/2020 12:43

Stay where you are. I might be slightly biased because I love Belfast...
...but that sounds like a tough move under any circumstances, but to go somewhere with a tiny baby, not knowing anyone, no support and partner you only stayed with for the baby...no, no, no!

TeamLannister · 03/10/2020 12:45

Also, I moved from Belfast to a village and it's not all that, I'd move back in a heartbeat.

LemmysAceCard · 03/10/2020 13:02

Tarpoley is a very small village op, I live not far from there. Would it be an option for your DP to move to Chester that way you would still have that city vibe. Going from a city to a village is a big culture shock.

I have also lives in Belfast, I prefer Cheshire!

EvenMoreFuriousVexation · 03/10/2020 17:04

I've lived in villages as a child and an adult and would never choose to do so again, nor would I wish it on any child.

Plus your relationship doesn't sound too strong if you only stayed together due to pregnancy. What happens when you inevitably split and then you're tied to living there or paying the costs to take the child to go see the dad every week?

You need to think long term, here.

blue30 · 03/10/2020 17:30

That’s a nice part of Cheshire OP, nice place to raise a family and there’s always Chester, Manchester or Liverpool for the odd show or night out (just kidding you have a baby lol)

SusieSusieSoo · 03/10/2020 17:36

Op just to ass to move in the next year with all the covid restrictions would be incredibly difficult with a partner you'd been with for years. It could be incredibly lonely x

SusieSusieSoo · 03/10/2020 17:37

*add not ass

Veterinari · 03/10/2020 18:22

Tarporley is lovely but quite small and isolated. I'd be worried it'd be lonely for you.
You'd be better off moving to Chester/Manchester somewhere more vibrant with better links

What's his job that can't move? Is he at least willing to relocate to a nearby city? He could rent out his house and you could start fresh together. If not, I'd be reconsidering the relationship

mallorytower · 03/10/2020 18:31

That would be a no. Never move away from a support system. He moves to you. End of

LoeliaPonsonby · 03/10/2020 18:35

Ha, no way would I move and I say that as someone who left NI at 18 and would never go back. Belfast is a fabulous place for families and kids. I also live in a village now, and whilst it has good aspects, it’s not a patch on a big city like Belfast.

Stay put.

NationalShiteYear · 03/10/2020 18:35

Liverpool maybe (it is practically irish and you could be home very quickly). Tarporley, no. Too small, poorly connected, would be isolating. Plus if you split and want to go home, he could rightly argue the baby was settled in Tarporly (esp when in school) and you'd be stuck living in a place you dont want to, with no family or friends, forever.

Stay right where you are.

yetmorecrap · 03/10/2020 19:59

You taught put OP, give it a year with a baby and see how it goes. At this point you need cash a network, you have no idea if this will last and will then be stuck. If after a year it’s working I would say move, but move to Chester

TweeterandtheMonkeyman · 03/10/2020 20:04

Do you drive ? I moved to a village with a newborn when I didn’t drive and it was a big mistake!
Tarporley is lovely but there really isn’t much to do . I’d worry you’d find it hard with a baby.

MynamarisBurma · 03/10/2020 21:48

@EvenMoreFuriousVexation

I've lived in villages as a child and an adult and would never choose to do so again, nor would I wish it on any child.

You need to think long term, here.

I lead bought up in a village and live in one now (via London , Madrid, Nee York and Bangkok) There is nothing in Gods earth that would ever tempt me back to a city.

Give it a go OP.. it may or may not be what you want. Rent your house out, try for a year to give your child 2 parents and if it doesn't work then move back ..

Nothing ventured nothing gained.

AlreadyGone44 · 03/10/2020 22:58

If you move to where he is and after a year or so it doesn't work out he might decide to block you moving back to your home with the baby. Especially if he's been doing a reasonable amount of the child care. You could end up stuck in his village till your child turns 18.

It's not like moving in with someone when you're both kid free, there's no option to just walk away and move back home. I'd want to be in the relationship for a lot longer before I'd be prepared to throw away my support system for a relationship where we're only still together because of the baby. And then I wouldn't be moving to a tiny village, it would need to be somewhere that would give me options for things like jobs and childcare in case you break up and get stuck there.

If you're on maternity leave what about once baby's a bit older and if restrictions allow going to stay with him for few weeks. He could still be on his best behaviour in that time frame, but it might give you a biy better idea what he's like and also if the limits of village life are something you'd be happy with. No quiting your job or renting out your house, so it's obviously a visit in the legal sense so he can't argue you've moved in and block your return home with DC.

Newname1236 · 03/10/2020 23:09

Stay in Belfast. I lived in a village for about a year felt cut off from normal life. Also has he a support network over there? Can they help with childcare? Has he a close family etc

lakeswimmer · 03/10/2020 23:17

If you're not sure about Tarporley could you move to Chester? It's not that far from Chester anyway. I have relatives that live near Tarporley and their kids went to school in Chester and they went out there as teenagers.

I think it's relatively easy to make friends when you've got a baby if you go to baby and toddler groups etc but I'm not sure if they're allowed to meet at the moment? I live in a very rural area and made a lot of friends that way - you don't have to live in a city to meet people.

Gingernytter · 03/10/2020 23:18

How do your family feel about it
At the end of the day it's up to you but I'm from NI and my family never let me forget that I've moved to england and kept them away from their grandkids.
I'm also a nurse and on a positive note you may find it's easier to get a better job here , I walked in to a band 7 CNS post

Flip