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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

To feel so empty and bored

3 replies

Toffieefee · 03/10/2020 11:49

I've been with my boyfriend for 9 years. We are parents and have the home etc. But I am sick of life. I love him so much as a friend. As a lover he no longer is enough. We have stopped doing anything together. We live together and we care for our kids. He works in the spare room due to the covid situation. We've had sex three times since my son was born almost three years ago. We've not had sex once in 14 months. I don't feel that way about him anymore. It's not that I've not wanted too. But after a year of him falling asleep on the spare bed or downstairs. The kids interrupting and stuff too I just don't feel a relationship kind of feeling with him anymore.

He's got no go in him. Always tired. Always aching. Always moaning. He will do anything for the kids. He will do anything for me in regards to being kind in general. But he has become so dull. He never says come on let's go for a walk. Hes never bouncy. He's never energetic.

I've spent the last few weeks taking my son for walks and hanging about in the front garden because it gives me the chance to chat to other adults. How sad is that?

My parents live up the road and round the corner! They are never here. We are never invited there. I always have to be the one who goes to them. Lately I've been sick of chasing after them. So we've not seen then for ages. Covid obviously hasn't helped. My partner's parents favour their daughters child Which is apparently a very common thing. So they don't spend anytime with us either.

I have a couple of wonderful friends but covid has complicated how often we can meet.

Then to top it off I have got feelings for someone else who has feelings for me too. Neither of us have said it out loud but there's clearly something. I think he's hesitating to open up because I'm with someone. But I feel like pouring my feelings out to him. I just wish there was a way out of all this.
Feeling so lost guys!

OP posts:
littlebirdieblue · 03/10/2020 14:38

Well clearly you don't want to be with him anymore. And clearly you have already lined someone else up. Are you already having an affair or have you had your head turned so far? If you've already become involved with another person, it is massively disrespectful to your current partner and you should come clean and deal with the consequences.

Skyla2005 · 03/10/2020 14:53

Life is short. Stop putting everyone first and do what you want to do for once. You will look back with regret if you carry on like this. Try and build more friendships outside the house go for drinks etc with friends and start to build a social life for yourself away from the home it will make your life more bearable at home. Have you tried telling your partner how you feel ? No one could blame you for feeling excited at the thought of a new relationship as you sound very bored lonely as you are. Good luck

London1001 · 03/10/2020 14:56

Well OP I think we have all been there. After many years I have come to realise that intimacy is so important to a relationship - it is the clear distinction between lovers and friends.

Maybe try and live apart for a little while and see how you feel? One thing I have Learned is not to ignore these feelings. Because they do eventually consume you.

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