20 year age gap.... help

[mummabee1]

So I've met someone....
Hes 22 years older than me. In fact, hes older than my Mum and he has a daughter a year younger than me.

We are both separated from our spouses, he has a young child and I have 2 young children.

I have always been a bit more mature for my age due to a rubbish upbringing, and definitely prefer older men... Hes young at heart for sure, and I'm sure I'm in love with him but I'm getting these awful niggling doubts which I wish would go away. My main worry is that I might want more children in the future (I'm 26) and it wont be ideal for him (hes 48). We have sort of discussed it very briefly and hes open to whatever I say but I think practically it would be a no go in reality.

Can age gap relationships like this work? Do I need to stop it before it goes any further? Things between us are just amazing but I'm terrified it won't work and it's too much of a gap.

The thing is OP - if you ask any 40-50 yo woman if they wanted to start a relationship with a 22years older man - you would not find many takers.

Yes - you have a couple here that are already in those relationships. However - they are already years into those and made their beds, so to speak.
You have a choice.

It’s nice to be taken care by an older end more mature man. No doubt.
But you will still be a young woman for a very long time. And no matter how much people say they are into their partners - age will catch up.
At some point you will be stuck taking care of your mom and your partner.

Look at Melania and Trump. Same age difference. Is that what you’d like for yourself?

A good friend of mine was in a similar position. She acknowledged that her future could be widowhood when she was relatively young. She accepted that reality, had a very happy marriage, raised two fine sons with him, and was indeed left as a widow, having been his carer in his declining years. But she accepted this stoically, claims to have no regrets as he was indeed the love of her life. Although previously married, he was a widower, and there were no children from his previous partnership.
If you feel niggling doubts, you have to face up to them honestly, and it sounds as if you are already becoming aware of this.

When you are his age, he will be 70.
Indeed there are some superfit men at 70, but i would think they are the exception rather than the rule.

Is he hugely into fitness now?
Because that will give you an indicator.
My husband of 58 is super fit and always has been, but he feels his age.
It creeps up on you in your 50's despite being fit.
I am fit enough to play two hours of a sport that demands I run around...also well into my mid 50's....but I definitely feel a big difference to my mid 40's.

Think good and hard about what you want of your future.

You are so young.

My hubby is in his late 50’s , has ED and won’t do anything about it. He’s happy just not doing it anymore.
As for me ? Due to the age gap the ick is creeping in and I don’t want it with him anyway.
We will have to see what the next 12 months brings.

"Funnylittlefloozie hes been married twice, 2 older children with his first wife and an 8 year old with his second wife."

Like PP said he'll always have that baggage and ties to his other families (rightly so) and is there a possibility he gets less interested as a woman gets older and more opinionated, then looks for the next young thing?
How will his older children react to you?

My husband is 20 years older than me. We met when i was 24 and he was 44.
He had 3 children from a previous marriage and i made it clear i wanted children.
Fast forward 12 years, we are married, we have a 5 year old and a baby on the way (im now 36 and he is 56).

Im not going to lie though... the age gap is becoming more apparent as we get older. He is older than he was when we met (in terms of how he feels). He falls asleep on the sofa and has lots of aches and pains... its easy for me to forget his age in physical terms as i am still relatively young.

But, things that are starting to niggle at me... like in 10 years or so he could retire... but we cant afford that...
If we buy a house (should have done it years ago) we cant base it on his wages (which is the higher income) because of his age we couldn't afford the repayments.
So in a money sense, as we didnt sort this out years ago, it is starting to become a problem.
That aside, we bicker like any other couple from time to time but we are a happy family.

I wouldnt let the age difference put you off.
. But just be mindful that how you feel about it now, may not be the same as you may feel about it in 10 years time.

You said in your OP that you kept having awful niggling doubts, then later in the thread said I wouldn't say I had doubts, as such

This suggests to me that you're minimising your gut instinct, which is that the age gap does matter to you.

Lets face it, if it didn't matter, you wouldn't be posting on MN about it, would you.

I see red flags. Sorry, OP. I know it's not what you want to hear.

You should ask him whether he'd like to marry a 70 year old. Of course he's going to say no, without hesitation. Yet when you're his age now, he will be 70.

I'm always shocked by people in their 40s who are with men in their 60s who say there is no difference in energy levels. There really should be - you should consider seeing a doctor.