Leave my wife

[b3ttyswallocks]

Hi
I am going to be torn apart but hey ho shit happens. I have been in a relationship with my wife for 30 years and to be totally honest I have been a bastard of a partner.

Since being sexually abused by the same sex adult as a teenager I have had issues with my sexuality. Something I have never dealt with but these feelings are controlling my life and even worse I no longer love my wife.

If I was strong I would be up front and honest but I am not I live in fear of my wife and I can't bring myself to tell her I don't love her.

I'll leave it there and await what comes my way.

I'm sorry to read this. Have you ever asked anyone for help with your problems

If you're sure you have no love for your wife then you owe it to her to let her go.

Yes but if he has been a bastard to her for thirty years, then doesn't he owe her an explanation

Try and talk to her. wait til you can walk and talk not now late at night. She may be feeling similar.

Why do you "live in fear" of her?

So sorry OP to hear about the sexual abuse you've gone through, it would affect anyone terribly so please be kind to yourself. Same sex attraction as a result of such abuse is also common.

Before you do anything as permanent as leaving your wife, do seek and take the time to go through therapy for yourself for the sexual abuse. It's the first step for your healing process. Leaving her won't solve the root cause of your issues.

Your post is a bit vague really. Why don’t you love your wife? After 30 years together! You owe her more than this surely

So tell her you're gay, then.

You shouldn’t be in fear of anyone.
Is there somewhere you could move out to when you’ve told her it’s over, rather than having to live together while you divorce ?
Let her go, it’s not fair to make her live a lie too.

I’m not hearing a question.

Sorry OP, it sounds like you’ve had a really shit time. If you’ve been a shit partner maybe you’re doing her a favour telling her?

Very vague - how do you expect any meaningful advice?

If you don't love her and have been an awful spouse then yes, leave. If you fear her then yes, leave. But don't deluded yourself into thinking that leaving her will solve your trauma. You will need professional support if you want to address something as horrific as sexual abuse. There are many organizations out there who deal specifically with male sexual assault. It's so hard to take thoes first few steps but worth it.

I'm not clear on why you think you will be torn apart?

We would be able to help more if your post was not so vague. If you live on fear of your wife because she is controling or abusive then you don't owe her an explanation. You leave and keep yourself safe.

The bottom line is the relationships are supposed to make the lives of both parties better. It sounds like you are miserable and if you are as bad a spouse as you say then she is probably miserable too. Part ways and get yourself some therapy before going near any other relationship.

As it’s the only post I’m assuming it’s a wind up ?

What advice do you want OP?

Your trauma is your responsibility. I say this as someone in therapy for PTSD. You can’t keep dining out on the past. What happened to you isn’t your fault but the recovery is your responsibility.

You can’t use trauma as as excuse to treat someone like shit.

You can’t keep dining out on the past.

As someone who was abused as a child this comment is true but so very difficult to follow.

The least you can do is treat her decently now. Please do so.

Do you live her?

Ring a helpline, they can help with coming out or working thru feelings.

Thank you to all who have replied. Let me reassure you all THIS IS NOT A WIND UP! So to the person who thinks this a wind up you couldn't be further from the truth. I have received help following 3 suicidal attempts using insulin O/D. If it wasn't for the emergency services I would not be alive today. The particular NHS trust that treated me I now work for helping others to sort out their mental wellbeing. Yes maybe I do need to seek help again and yes my wife is controlling but I do have accept that it is down to me irresponsible behaviour that she is this ways. And thank you all your replies a problem shared is a problem halved. This coming Tuesday my day off I will seek professional help and Ill keep in touch. Let me also reassure you all that I am safe and if I wasn't I would visit A&E as I don't want to be as low as I was a few years back.

Good luck.
Be true to yourself and to your wife.

Why do men still marry women when they think they might be gay? Waste of time.

@b3ttyswallocks

Thank you to all who have replied. Let me reassure you all THIS IS NOT A WIND UP! So to the person who thinks this a wind up you couldn't be further from the truth. I have received help following 3 suicidal attempts using insulin O/D. If it wasn't for the emergency services I would not be alive today. The particular NHS trust that treated me I now work for helping others to sort out their mental wellbeing. Yes maybe I do need to seek help again and yes my wife is controlling but I do have accept that it is down to me irresponsible behaviour that she is this ways. And thank you all your replies a problem shared is a problem halved. This coming Tuesday my day off I will seek professional help and Ill keep in touch. Let me also reassure you all that I am safe and if I wasn't I would visit A&E as I don't want to be as low as I was a few years back.

During your attempts , did your wife support you? Just curious.