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Original poster

Heartbroken

31 replies

Yodasdog · 02/10/2020 21:24

I am on holiday with my son and my partner (not my child’s parent) has gotten a flight home and is planning to move out of my home whilst I am still away.
I am devastated.
We have had lots of problems and I haven’t been very happy for a while but this has crushed me.
I am trying to resist the urge to text and plead etc but it’s hard. My son is sad too.
How can I make this hurt less so I can get through this holiday and then life at home?

OP posts:
gamerchick · 02/10/2020 21:30

You do your best to put the whole thing in a box and try to salvage the holiday for your son who will probably been looking forward to it a lot, probably more than usual thanks to the sucky year we've all had. Try and do some fun things tomorrow. He is laters problem. What an arsehole leaving you there alone.

I'm so sorry, be kind to yourself. Flowers

Crazycatperson · 02/10/2020 21:31

I'm sorry this is happening to you. What a situation, you must be in bits. Is there still love between you, or has that gone? What has led to this? I feel like I can't advise what I think you should do without understanding more.

Original poster
Yodasdog · 02/10/2020 21:33

Thanks. He’s only 4 and doesn’t really remember a time without my now ex-partner in his life. It’s just so sad, we love each other a lot but it just didn’t work.
Feel sick at being here alone and having to navigate the airport and all that kind of stuff on my own with a 4 year old now.

OP posts:
Original poster
Yodasdog · 02/10/2020 21:36

There’s a lot of love, so much love.
We just seem to clash and my ex says that I didn’t give enough love and that I slowly closed down and slipped away. We’ve been trying to make it work for 12 months but we are both unhappy.
I have been getting more and more angry at the way my child is treated at times so I know it is for the best but my god it hurts.

OP posts:
MaeveDidIt · 02/10/2020 21:50

What a complete nasty asshole leaving you both there.
And you say you didn't like the way he treated your 4 year old DS.
You are both well rid of him.
Frankly he sounds disgusting.

nimbuscloud · 02/10/2020 21:53

I have been getting more and more angry at the way my child is treated at times so I know it is for the best

Keep that at the front of your mind. He’s a fucking bastard to treat a 4 year old badly. I think you’re well rid of him. Your child certainly is.

nimbuscloud · 02/10/2020 21:58

Sorry - just realised I’ve assumed your partner is a man. It might be a woman. However I still think the same - it’s shit for your very young boy to be badly treated.

Original poster
Yodasdog · 02/10/2020 21:59

I feel like it was starting to impact on my time with my boy as I was on edge. The ex would have it that this was because I give so much love to my son yet don’t give the same to my ex. My ex also absolutely hates my sons other parent whom I get on reasonably well with tbh, we chat and co-parent really rather well.

I know it’s for the best, I really do. But I feel sick with how devastated I am. I want to cry and beg.

I appear to have lost my dignity in this Blush

Why when we are hurting does our mind take us to the good times and the positives rather than the shit Sad

OP posts:
User166777 · 02/10/2020 22:01

I'm so sorry OP, what an awful position you have been left in! It's pretty awful to be left like that. If he was cruel to your boy then he's no great loss but I know that will be small comfort tonight.

You can get through this holiday. Just focus on you and your son. Wishing you strength.

Flowers
Strugglingtodomybest · 02/10/2020 22:01

Keep bringing your thoughts back to the shit times and how much better your future will be once you've got through this bit.

Original poster
Yodasdog · 02/10/2020 22:14

Thank you all so much.

We go home on Tuesday night, I just need to take it day by day until then I guess.

I’m trying to summon the strength to delete and block on everything but I can’t seem to do it.

OP posts:
whynotwhen · 02/10/2020 22:16

Please please try to 'put it in a box' for now and salvage the rest of the holiday for your child's sake.
Ex seems like a Spiteful piece of work, you're truly better off without them.

loopylindazdaughter · 02/10/2020 22:19

He's 4!!! He shouldn't know anything about this. You could of ore tended anything so he didn't know what was going on

imissthesouth · 02/10/2020 22:22

Hi OP, sending hugs to you and your DS, honestly you're better of without him if he's a bastard to a 4 year old. Try to enjoy the holiday as much as you can (it will be hard but do things your son enjoys to make him a little happier) and you can deal with it once you get back home. Ignore the PP who said you shouldn't involve your son. Try to stay off your phone as well so you don't have the temptation to message your ex. All the bestThanks

Wereeaglesdare · 02/10/2020 22:30

No matter how much it hurts and how much in love you are, you put your child first. That is the important thing. I did it with my child's father I still loved him and him me but she will always win. It was not healthy for her anymore to be in that environment and it isn't for your son. You did the right thing. It feels overwhelming because of how you have been left. Disgusting move on his part but use that anger over what he has done as fuel. The most important man you have in your life is your little boy and you have to shape his future regardless of how you feel right now. You can get through this enjoy being in your boys company. You have been down this road before so you find that inner strength.
Don't beg please you have done nothing wrong don't be manipulated. I feel that he has probably done this as a power play so don't give him the satisfaction of begging. Hold your head high and hold your boys hand and remember there is a new future for you out there where you can be happy by yourself and maybe meet someone in time who will love you and your child whole heartedly. You've got this.

LasagneQueen · 02/10/2020 22:31

You can know something is for the best but it can still hurt like hell.

As others have said, try to make the best of what's left of your holiday with your lovely boy and deal with the rest when you get home.

Original poster
Yodasdog · 02/10/2020 22:32

Thank you so much.
There’s something to be said for the kindness of strangers.
What a shit year it has been!

OP posts:
yesterdaystotalsteps123 · 02/10/2020 22:37

Please be careful, he sounds like a narcissist and this is a tactic to leave you feeling like you need him and love him and to get what he wants, which is your focus on him. He absolutely will be in touch and he will fully expect you to be so relieved you will take him back and"try your best". Enjoy your holiday and your precious child and when you get home watch some Stephanie Lyn coaching videos, she explains their tactics and gives you strength to follow the grey rock method. Stay strong

Appleofmyeye05 · 02/10/2020 22:40

If he was any kind of a man or step parent he would not of caused a scene like this on holiday and in front of your child. Your child knows he is gone and is now upset. Absolutely wicked to the core.

You may not realise it now but it’s good thing he is gone, how dare he do this to you and your child. You deserve a hell of a lot better than that!! Flowers

MsDogLady · 02/10/2020 22:56

This was the best outcome. A year ago you wrote that your Partner was even jealous of your cuddling and holding your 3 year old son’s hand on the sofa. Such a toxic dynamic could damage your child’s self-esteem. You both deserve a stable and peaceful home.

Dery · 02/10/2020 23:15

“The ex would have it that this was because I give so much love to my son yet don’t give the same to my ex.”

Your ex was jealous of your love for your son. Sorry but that is really sick. With that attitude, I think he posed a serious threat to your son’s wellbeing. Of course you love your son more than your ex. That’s how it should be. I love my H to bits but I love our DDs more and he would say the same.

Sorry, OP - it hurts right now but you and your son are so much better off without him.

Mischance · 02/10/2020 23:19

Your dignity will be back for sure. This is just the immediate reaction to a very difficult situation. Concentrate on trying to give your son as happy a holiday as you can for these few days. It sounds as though the decision to part is the right one; but the circumstances are far from ideal. You will get over this; one day it will be history.

NoProblem123 · 02/10/2020 23:30

What a cunt leaving you both on holiday.
He’d better be gone when you get home, you & your boy deserve soooo much better.

newnameforthis123 · 02/10/2020 23:34

@MsDogLady

This was the best outcome. A year ago you wrote that your Partner was even jealous of your cuddling and holding your 3 year old son’s hand on the sofa. Such a toxic dynamic could damage your child’s self-esteem. You both deserve a stable and peaceful home.
I haven't searched but christ, what were you thinking staying with someone like this OP? Bloody hell. Sounds like a blessing in disguise that he's made the break tbh. Really unhealthy behaviour from him that is not compatible with being with you as you are a parent.
newnameforthis123 · 02/10/2020 23:37

Sorry I meant that she has made the break, I realise now it's a woman but everything else still totally applies, can't understand why you stayed with her after she was saying she felt jealous and excluded by you holding your own child's hand?!

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