Confused about past indiscretions

[DBML]

My cousin told me today, very nonchalantly, that 20 years ago her husband (boyfriend at the time) dumped her to pursue another girl. Cousin was 19. He was 22. (We had been discussing our relationships over a Prezzo and I’d said how lucky we’d gotten following discussion of a mutual friend whose twat DH has just left her and their children.)

Anyway, cousins ‘boyfriend’ ended up kissing this girl on a night out and then moved onto another girl, who he also kissed in a club. He then wasn’t ‘seeing anyone’, but was pining after girl 2 for some time, phoning her and attempting to meet up, but the girl wasn’t interested - she was only 15! Cousin knew all this because at the time she’d been devastated and attempted to cling on to him.

9 months on, cousin and her boyfriend got back together and have apparently had a very happy relationship since and three gorgeous children.

I love both of them dearly, but now I feel a bit ‘yuk’ about him. I had no idea. I knew they’d split for a short time, but didn’t know the circumstances - I’d thought it was due to her going off to uni.

DH and I are going to form a bubble with cousin and her family, for their childcare purposes and were invited around tomorrow for dinner to discuss the practicalities... but I think I’m going to struggle to look cousin’s husband in the eye.

I feel cheated yet it’s not really anything to do with me...and a little deceived and totally outraged on my cousins behalf (especially as the girl he “pined over” was so young)...and yet she just laughed it off when I said so.

I’m confused...am I being ridiculous? I’ve taken it so personally and I wonder how she could have stayed with him knowing this?

A few minor details changed so as to not embarrass anyone I care about - But nothing of any consequence. Ages and circumstances are all accurate.

What’s the thinking? TYIA

It's not really any of your business

@Dadaist

I don’t like to think I do, but I can see why you’d make that point.

@Aerial2020
I accept that.

I’d like to just say, I’m not talking about this constantly at home. I haven’t asked cousin any more about it and I have no intention of mentioning it further. It’s only really on mumsnet, I’m getting those thoughts out. Thoughts I would never verbalise in reality.

It’s pretty gross that he chased a 15 year old at 22 - that’s the part that would disturb me the most. The dumping/cheating/youthful relationship mess is kind of whatever. If he had been chasing someone over 18 I wouldn’t care really.

But yeah 22 chasing a 15 year old....that’s really grim.

OP - it’s good that you’re empathetic- and feel the pain of others. Just make sure you’re there to support rather than exacerbate what others are experiencing. If you keep your thoughts to yourself then that’s good.
@workhomesleeprepeat - it doesn’t sound like he knew her age die it? Do you think you’re often quick to judge too?

*does it?

You’re right. It is common at that age and it’s been a long time. I need to let it go. I’m cross with him, but I think he’s been a good husband for many years.

Sorry but ... he's not your husband, or your anything. And anyhow this was just young kids' settling down in late teens/early 20s. And it was 20 years ago.

Why are you cross with him? Why invested? Seems odd to me. It's totally not your call or business. No I don't think you should think badly of him. And they're happy!! What's the problem?!