What would you make of this?

[Tilpop]

Just a bit of advice please?

I had my son 12 weeks ago. I had a Caesarian but it went really well and I was not bed bound and up and about after day two. I'm quite a strong person when it comes to operations etc (I had two operations before IVF to get my son and just got on with it) anyway.... my mum and DH mum helped a couple of days and DH went back to work after a week. So I've been with our son day and night for 12 weeks without a break. Which I don't mind because I love him.

He is working on some projects that for some reason seem to be taking a lot of his time.... he is leaving at 6 to travel two hours each day to do the jobs and drive back again.

The thing is he made a big deal about staying over on Thursday night as he had so much to do and needed to be on site early to which I said ok. He mentioned it loads saying his "mate" was staying too.
Then all of a sudden he wasn't staying over And came home in a foul mood, had a go at me saying he didn't care about me etc.

I said "what's up someone let you down?" He never said anything but we argued.

The next day he said he didnt want to discuss it and let's just draw a line and forget it, but if I had started the argument he would have made me explain myself.

The thing is thinking about it.... we have been together 8 years married 5 and I have never looked at his phone or been allowed to.

His phone, computer and both iPads have passcodes on which I have never had access to.

I don't know why I'm just thinking about it, he is always on his phone. And never calls us when he's at work to see if we are ok.

I walked into the bathroom to bath our son and he was on his phone, it looked like he moved screens really quick and I asked who he was talking to and he said "a mate".

He then mentioned yesterday why I had said "had someone let him down" I said "nothing" and he said "do you think I'm shacked up with some bird while I'm down here"

Why would he say that?

He is not an affectionate person at all. He doesn't kiss me or cuddle me and we haven't had sex since January. Partly because of the baby.

I don't think he would cheat, I just don't know what to think. His find my iPhone app show him at certain locations and never moves.

Sometimes I wonder about our relationship, we have cameras all over our house and he sees when I come and go. Who visits etc.

He has control of our bank accounts so he can see where I spend money etc.

I spend all day at home with our son and I'm so lonely.

Maybe I'm overthinking things.what should I do?

He’s either abusive and a cheat, or just abusive. Neither is ok. You deserve better than this OP.

Stop using the joint account and am your wage to be put into your own first of all. Are the cameras just on the outside or inside too? Even if he isn't cheating you know your relationship isn't working and is cussing you stress and not making you happy.

Comgratulations on your baby particularly special after iVf.
Lots of red flags, changing of plans last minute, being on phone in bathroom, controlling nature over whereabouts & finances and calling someone a bird! He doesnt have many redeeming features....

My first thought is he was on a promise for sex he night he was due to be away and it fell through hence the foul mood.

It definitely sounds like he’s up to no good to me, and even if he’s not he is free to be, unlike you who he’s made a virtual prisoner in your own home. Poor you .

Oh love, I'm so sorry. Please don't feel you are alone in this - you can talk to us. A lot of people have also had this kind of situation and it really helps to know others care and will give you support and advice. 💐

At the moment, your son is your focus and that's great. Enjoy all the amazing moments with him and well done 🙂👌

As for your husband. I think he has drawn a ring around you and you probably didn't even realise it, but now can feel it. Firstly, instead of paying by card everywhere, either just transfer the money you need to your private account, or take cash out. See what happens if you do that. That will be a measure of how controlled you are.

You need some freedom. And not to be monitored. It's your right. And as for him and his work trip - you can't know what he's up to, but I'd suggest not calling him on it at the moment. He sounds unpleasant and you have enough to do at the moment with the baby.

Just keep the peace, and report back about his reaction to the money. Slowly slowly.

Start planning your escape. He’s cheating I think and a controlling arse.

Has he got a fingerprint phone - could you try in the night to access his phone? Or check a camera to see if you can see his passcode?

Don't know how big the cameras are but have you tried out their functionality as coat hooks? Alternatively maybe try some really clumsy attempts to decorate the room 🤣🤣🤣 Might mean he can't monitor you at least while you get your ducks in line 😂