My message is probably a bit jumbled so I apologise. I have posted before about a similar subject but I’m not talking about a specific person in this situation.
For about 6 months of this year I was abroad (not a holiday) with the intention of living there permanently. Whilst there I hooked up with a man - very casual thing, met about once a week and just for sex. He always initiated and I never text him first (too shy).
He was the sexiest man I’ve ever laid eyes on, I’ve never ever found someone as handsome as I do him. I literally cannot get him out of my head, I have intensive thoughts and sometimes I have to stop what I’m doing just to think.
Unfortunately this guy had red flags all over him (I knew at the time) such as no proper home. He lived in a tiny garage room next to his brother’s apartment therefore he only ‘booty called’ me late at night when his brother was working a night shift and we could use his apartment. Like I say, it was booty calls only. We went for coffee on our first date and that was it, after that it was sex at his place only.
He does have good points too, and I really do think he’s a good person - despite the flags, would be very kind and complimentary to me, looks after stray cats etc. he genuinely seemed to enjoy my my company when we were together. I also felt very comfortable around him almost instantly which is rare for me. I found him irresistible.
Unfortunately I had to leave the country and come back to the UK. I haven’t had the heart to tell him I left his country (afraid of him forgetting me, I guess) so when he texts I either say I’m busy or that I’m in another city. Each text from him is like a punch in the heart - I miss him. But equally I don’t have it in me to tell him I can’t come back.
The last time I saw him, we had just finished sex, I put my pyjamas on ready to sleep and he got a call from him brother - he was in his way home. Quickly mr fling said to get dressed and he’d drop me back at his hotel. I’d never seen him drive so fast! 2am and get dropped me in a random street near my hotel and said bye with a quick kiss, then sped off.
So yes, I remember his flags but I also remember how nice he was, how happy I was when I was with him. Every time I feel strong, I remember the time we were talking about how thick both of our hair is and he said (in broken English/using google) that our children would have nice hair. However, he showed no interest in moving our relationship toward - not even one proper date, texting or calling. The only texts were the late nights ones.
I feel sad because I know I won’t find this again. I also feel sad because it’s not really possible to be together, mainly due to money (I’m completely broke right now and there’s no way I’d ask him for money). He speaks very little English and I speak very little of his language so communication could sometimes be hard.
All in all this guy is a fling that I just can’t seem to stop thinking about. The thoughts are controlling me and I don’t know how to stop. If I had the money, I know I’d be on the next flight to his city and sit around waiting for his random once a week (if that) text. Pathetic, I know.
How can I get over this guy? I’ve never felt as attracted to somebody as I do to him. I know he is unsuitable, but also I feel infactuated with him and it’s just so hard because I do not have the funds to live abroad at the moment. It also doesn’t help that I don’t really have an option, even if I wanted to go back I couldn’t.
I suppose I just need someone to remind me how ridiculous I sound and to just get over him!