Why can't he just say sorry?

[OliviaGrace1x]

Reoccurring problem with my partner (we've been together 4 years)

Long story short he will do something where he'll be very childish like he's in a mood so hangs up. Or say something mean but doesn't realise what he's said is mean or rude? So I obviously get pissed off. Because he never realises he's annoyed me. It doesn't end there... he doesn't say sorry which annoys me even more. Because he doesn't realise he's been mean or rude or childish. So when I'm trying to explain why I'm annoyed he'll reply with "not got time for this it's ducking bullshit or I can't be bothered" I'm just so frustrated because we actually have a PERFECT relationship except for times like these. And it's to the point where every time it happens I just consider breaking up but it seems stupid as this is the only thing wrong with our relationship? Anyone had the same?

It's not a perfect relationship.
And yes he does know when he's being mean.
How old is he?

So he's so thick, he can be mean and rude and not realise that he's been mean and rude? How unattractive.

Of course he realises what he is doing. Don't make excuses for him

How can it be a perfect relationship when he acts like this??

Can you give us an example of what he’s said?

I would expect better of my ten year old Ds. So, he either had been allowed to do this since young and is genuinely underdeveloped in empathy and manners in which case it is possible he could see the light. But more likely after 4 years of dodging being held accountable to this behaviour he is unlikely ever to change.
A pity if everything else feels good. But over the really long term the couple's who last are the ones who take care of each other over the little things like this and readily repair little points of friction frequently as they go through every day and don't need consideration for the others feelings to be extracted like blood out of a stone.

You mentioned he "hangs up" when in a mood. I'm hoping this means you don't actually live with the tosser?

" I'm just so frustrated because we actually have a PERFECT relationship except for times like these."
'Perfect.' In capitals. Hmm. No, you don't; and you know it too,

This is your definition of a "perfect" relationship? How fucking sad is that? He's immature, rude, and verbal and emotionally abusive. This is really what you want?

Neither of you are communicating properly.
If he annoys you, deal with it there and then, and if he replies with not got time for this it's ducking bullshit or I can't be bothered, tell him neither can you and give him his marching orders.

Let you in on the bug secret: he knows what he us doing.

He just wants you to think he doesn't. He wants to make you out to be over reacting, over sensitive and crazy.

It's called gaslighting.

You should NEVER have to explain to someone why obviously mean behaviour, is mean. If you find yourself doing this, tearing yourself up thinking 'if only i could just explain it in a way he would understand' then you are being manipulated.

He gets it. It's deliberate.

*big secret even...though 'the bugs secret' would also work' considering he is a total cockroach.

Rather than saying sorry and continuing to be nasty to you on a regular basis, would it not be better if he just wasn't nasty to you on a regular basis (I.e. genuinely remorseful)?

Not quite sure why that's not the question you're asking.

You should probably raise the bar on your definition of a perfect relationship.

@mbosnz

So he's so thick, he can be mean and rude and not realise that he's been mean and rude? How unattractive.

This. I had one like this. He actually was thick as fuck but he also knew damn well what he was doing.

Sounds just like a guy I dated before. He would call me out on my shit and I’d apologize immediately. But when he was in the wrong he would never apologize or admit that he was wrong. Eventually it just made him less attractive to me. He’s with someone else that adores him even though he hasn’t changed so they never change. Either you deal with it or you move on like I did.

He does know he's annoyed you, he just refuses to acknowledge it because he doesn't want to apologise.

Op, come on! Throw this on back. Have higher standards.

Ditto everyone. Saying sorry is the easiest thing and he won’t even do that much less mean it and do better than treating you like an idiot/doormat.

Road to Damascus change needed but unlikely to come from him. Have your own & leave him far, far behind you.

So he upsets you then dismisses your feelings and refuses to acknowledge the effects of his actions and has a go at you for a perfectly normal reaction?

He is a dick