Really really low

[iamtheoneandonlyyy]

I'm struggling. I'm smiling mostly and putting the effort in but I'm starting to fail
Left ex in June, went to refuge with kids, now we are home (without him)
Got masses of secret debt he left that I'm battling to get a handle on. But it's not that
I'm soul crushingly lonely and getting depressed I think.
Beginning to get short tempered and can't stop eating.
I've been decorating, cleaning, exercising.
Any friend I have is always and I do mean always too busy to do anything. He has the kids overnight once a fortnight and although it's a break it's just miserable.
I've done the right thing by me and them, meanwhile he's just going through girlfriends and causing arguments with me depending on his mood.
Ironically he's the only adult I speak to apart from my brother and my head can't handle it.
My brain hasn't moved past any of the crap he's caused at all, sometimes i think it has but then I fall back. It's an hourly cycle.
There's no one here for me anymore.
Sorry. Just had nobody to say that to

@iamtheoneandonlyyy

You are doing amazing. You have 3 kids and you have the opportunity to create a home full of laughter and fun. I'm sorry that you're going through this. I was just wondering if you could phone Women's Aid? From what I know they offer phone support. And they know that the period after leaving is almost as hard as the time before.

You also talk about anxiety and panic, I'm experiencing this as a result of covid fears and social isolation so you're not alone it's a very hard and challenging time even in the best of circumstances, so be proud of yourself .

Also, keep this thread going. Lots of us are here to support you. We know how hard it can be.

What an amazing woman you are! I am in awe.

The nigh time panic feelings have subsided a bit

Why does anxiety get worse at night when it's pitch black and quiet outside, it's hideous. Glad you are now feeling calmer, the daylight can make things look and feel very different.

Thanks for the boost everyone, hopefully one day I might believe it ha
My friend is meeting me today for an hour or so, that's made me feel better, hopefully she doesn't cancel.
I'm going to decorate the house for Halloween to surprise the kids, that will keep me busy and make them extremely happy.
Thanks everyone it helped last night to get some words out.
Mums disabled and dads elderly, I don't feel right piling problems on them. And there is my brother but he's having trouble remaining calm about all this so I don't want to poke the bear.
You have all helped thank you

Focussing in Halloween is a great idea. Anything that gives you and the kids the smallest amount of joy is a good thing. X

Well I went and had a pint with a friend, I don't even drink pints but it was the best hour to myself I've had in a while.
She was great too and it really did help
It was nice to feel more relaxed with the kids too because I had a little break. A glimmer of hope lol

Fantastic good for you. How fab to have an hour or son's relaxation with your friend.

How wonderful for you. Maybe reach out individually to friends and space out seeing them so there is always something to look forward to?

Experience tells me you have to spell out to friends that you need support, but if you do so, some at least will come through. What they actually do depends on what they are capable of, of course.

You have made a really brave decision by leaving. Not sure given the pandemic but are there any local playgroups and things you can join? Trips to the park to be amongst people? Things will get easier. This is a fantastic forum with practical advice. Keep going xx

I cannot add anything new but some lovely advice here. You are doing amazingly well and have made the most important hard step of leaving. It sounds very tough but you are doing it. Take one day at a time, slowly work through what you need to do

Good luck

Thanks for all of the support, I genuinely feel a bit more of myself. Ok about to go and collect the kids from him which is always stressful because how the handover goes depends on how he feels at that moment
We will decorate for Halloween today and I got up early to get my sons birthday presents and that's made me feel so relieved. It was tight but he won't notice any less that previous years. He's too young to realise the prices of things so lots of cheap fun😏
It will probably be up and down for a while, I know it will always be tricky with him I just look forward to waking up and he's not my first thought