Lonely and sad but how can I ever trust anyone again?

[FlyingSoloFlyingFree]

I was dumped with no explanation during lockdown, I have no idea what happened as we’d previously been really happy and it’s completely destroyed me. I don’t understand how he could do this to me when just weeks before he’d loved me but reading some of the stories on here tells me I’m not alone and some people experience much worse.

I’m so lonely and can’t bear the thought of spending the rest of my life alone - I’m doing my best to embrace single life but I miss company and affection so much. But how can I ever trust anyone again? How can I believe the things someone says or feel relaxed and secure in a relationship knowing that at any moment he could just change his mind? I don’t want to be alone but I can’t face heartbreak like this again.

You're still in the early days of heartbreak.
You will get over it,and someone else will come along.

It will get better.

How long were you together for?

All relationships are a venture into the unknown. One day you'll be ready for that again.In terms of trust, the best thing is to trust yourself to cope whatever happens.

Its shit isnt it when that happens. However you're in early stages of heartbreak.. followed by denial followed by anger, its all normal. You will get over it & you will meet someone else. In the meantime concentrate on yourself, a new hobby or something. Something that is all about you & what you enjoy.

I've been thinking the same things. How can you ever truly know how someone feels. Just feels othe people are always playing a game.

Sorry to hear this OP. Going through similar heartbreak, sorry.

Thanks all, we were together 18 months but it was my first serious relationship since I got divorced so it’s hit me really hard.

@Porcupineinwaiting that’s very good advice actually, not quite sure how I get to that stage mind you

@Namechanged1122 I’m sorry, it’s unbelievably shit isn’t it x

@Delbelleber I feel so cynical now, how can people treat each other so badly? However I felt about someone I’d always try to be open and honest, I could never hurt someone like this

If it's without explanation then it's much more likely to be about him than you, and there are so many possibilities that it's pointless trying to second guess what's going through his head. Can you accept the idea that it's him not you - that you've done nothing wrong?

I'm in the same boat OP, it's absolutely shit there's just no other way to describe it. I'm finding myself wanting to talk to ex about how sad I feel then realise he's the reason I feel this way - the bastard.

I got some really good advice on here, try and think of all the annoying/niggly things in your relationship and think how the future would have been including those things not just the good bits and it'll change your perspective on it. It's worked a bit for me anyway.

As for trust, it's hard to trust again after being so hurt. But as PP said trusting in yourself is a good place to start, and trusting that there are good people out there and unfortunately we just have to kiss a few frogs to find a prince..

, & for you and ice-cream too

Hi op, just wanted to send a hug and let you know we have all been down that road. Time really heals you. I read somewhere that it takes half the time of your relationship to heal you, so for your case 9 months after a 18 month relationship and you did say you were dumped during lockdown so it must've been a few months ago. Give it a few a couple of months more and you won't ever look back. I met my husband after being dumped cowardly and guess what? I'm a new mum and happily married and trust my husband. We love each other. Give it time and you will love and trust again when the right person comes 🌸

You don't have to deal with forever right now. You managed ok before you met him, so not having him in your life is something you know you can do.

Just give yourself time to grieve the relationship. And give yourself sympathy; he has treated yo very very badly.

Whether or not you can trust another person is a question for when you start thinking about meeting others, not now. For the time being, cry a lot, and over the coming months, have a gentle look into why you can't bear the thought of being single. It's great, you know, once you get used to it.

I feel awful for you, having been where you are. But I can say with confidence that it's possible to look back on it as a very valuable learning experience, rather than the thing that ruined your whole life. You will be ok, but you might have to cry for ages first. I got to the stage where I was laughing at myself for crying again!

aw @86jabberwocky that's lovely, gives me a little bit of hope for the future!

Believe me I am very Old and you will love again! You will be loved again! This is a bit like a bereavement where everything feels hopeless but I am on the other side to say there is a light and it never goes out even if it is rather dim. There will be a charming man somewhere in you're future.

There is something about the first relationship after a long one has ended, it brings up lots of deep feelings.
I think after a time, you'll realise you fell deep and were maybe a bit blinkered to some flags. Future relationships will likely be less full-on, and you'll be more in control of your feelings. It hurts at the time, but you'll take some good from the experience.

I think the worst thing is him not giving you an explanation as to why it ended so you have no closure. He’s really cruel doing that which makes me think you have had a really lucky escape ! He isn’t worthy! Hard as it is try and forge a new life, try new things, work out what makes you happy. Don’t let one bastard ruin your trust and outlook. There are some good men out there.

He's clearly a fake and how were you to know? There's real people out there OP.
You were unlucky this time. Hopefully not again. But you really shouldn't tar everyone with his brush.
Have confidence in yourself don't let a bad apple spoil it for you.

Thank you all again, you make a lot of sense and sorry to those of you who are hurting too. I definitely fell hard and consequently ignored things I shouldn’t, unfortunately that doesn’t stop me missing him. It’s been a few months now so I’m hoping it will get easier but I feel he’s ruined me for anyone else, I’ll never believe what someone says again. I don’t want to be on my own because while there are aspects of it I like I’m someone who needs love and affection and I’m already missing that loads especially as I’m not seeing friends or family much and have only my poor daughter to hug who must be sick of me by now!

Love yourself first OP. Then you know what love is. And I don't mean be selfish. Understand why someone should love you ive been trying to follow this advice for just about forever
I suppose you have to realise your own worth 🤷

I'm so sorry for all the pain you're dealing with. However, I hope you might look at this from a different point of view someday soon. I say he did you a massive favour. He is clearly not the man you thought he was, and it is always better to live with the truth than to live a lie. He didn't respect and love you the way you should be, and now you can move forward and find someone who does.

Hi OP.

Sorry you are hurting.

I think what I miss most about before was the innocence, the naivety of my idealistic belief in being with someone forever and the lightness and richness to my life that love and security brought. I am much more aware now that we must just cherish the now, hold future plans lightly, and crucially, trust that we will survive when the day comes that it is all taken away and once more we must choose to re-build. Since I lost my first husband I will never be able to look into a partner's eyes and "know" or feel that security and I have come to accept it is what it is. It doesn't mean I can't love or be loved.

You'll be just fine. Bruised not broken.

@Flittingaboutagain I’m so sorry you lost your husband, that is a whole different level of hurt.

I’ve been advised to love myself so often but the irony is I feel so down on myself particularly given that I clearly wasn’t good enough for him. I’ve never had a great deal of confidence - I never feel like I fit in or am worth love - and even though I hide it and everyone thinks I’m fine, on the inside I feel worse about myself than I ever have.