Found out my other half has been living with his ex wife’s mum

[Kokeshi80]

Sooo I’ve been dating this guy for a year and a half now, he told me throughout he’s been living temporarily with a mate from works mum, I’ve found out recently it’s actually his exes mother he’s been living with. I obviously confronted him and have shown my utter disappointment as he knows I despise lying he just thought it would be weird to tell me from the outset and has been treading on eggshells since the beginning and didn’t know if it was worth saying anything as it was only suppose to be temporary. Any thoughts on what I should do going forward.

Honestly ditch him. He lies. Dating some one you don’t trust is awful.

Weird
Dishonest
Dump him

The whole set up sounds seven shades of weird. Ihave so many questions. Just for starters -
He lives with the mum of an ex-girlfriend? How and why? And in eighteen months you've never been back to his? And where does the ex-wife girlfriend live? How did you find out?

So the mother is his ex wife's to be, divorce is in progress seen the paperwork, he has asked and invited me up to the area he lives and we've been to local pubs etc there. I personally didn't want to go into his place as I've my own place I'd prefer to stay at, he has invited me up on the odd occasion.
His ex wife to be lives about 7 miles from me. They have an amicable relationship he has said a couple of times he has stayed on the sofa at hers and I out right said I'm not comfortable with that and he's never stayed since. I've met his family and basically worked it out myself where he has been living. His ex is with someone else but I just wanted some advice really and confirmation it could possibly be legitimate? X

Well maybe (I've seen all manner of slightly odd setups) - if you have a chat with the ex-wife and her Mum and after that your gut says, "unusual but that's all", then fine, but if you can't get to meet them or your gut feeling tells you that something is off, then maybe not...

Perhaps he loves the mum because she’s good to him and treats him like the son she never had etc and it’s a genuine thing? He didn’t have a good childhood or whatever?

If I were him I’d be reluctant to fess up too as I’d know you’d think the worst so I can’t blame him for keeping schtum.

The way to tell if it’s ok or not is to somehow meet the mum. Pick him up from ‘his’ house and see if the mum is welcoming or has a face like thunder as she’s hoping her daughter will get back with him or he’s kept you secret from her?

if they had children or even if the family cared for him as a person there may be good (often financial) reason to do this.
surely something else must be bugging you because how is this different than any other shared arrangement?
if it's financially sound to improve the eventual ownership of his own place, i'd think it a smart move. closer to his place of work or lots of other good reasons.

His ex is with someone else but I just wanted some advice really and confirmation it could possibly be legitimate? X

It doesn't really matter if it's 'legitimate' or not, he has lied to you. Not a small lie either.

He's been lying to you for a year and a half? Oops. Have you caught him out on other lies or little fibs as well? Are you completely shocked by this, is it out of character?

His living situation I’d be fine with and actually it shows a good indication of the quality of man by the fact everything is amicable and but then why lie?!?! I just don’t understand men sometimes

Its bad hes lied to you but i wouldnt be too upset about him living with his ex's mum. I suspect if my partner had no where to live if we broke up then my mum would have him stay there. My mum cares alot about my partner and treats him like a son. It does depend how the relationship ended though. Its understandable you are angry with him for lying. I would if i was you and everything else in the relationship was good, give him another chance. He lied but i can see why as i probably would of too in his shoes, Especially as he thought it wasnt going to be a long term thing.

Fuck this op. It would be weird enough if he was honest about it but lying is even worse. Who in their right mind would choose to live with their ex's mother?

I met my ex husband aged 14, we got married at 21 and were together until we were 36. He left me and has had a couple of relationships since, but my parents still adore him! My mum always says he is a son to her and i know she would take him in in a heartbeat if he were in trouble. So I can see that this could be totally innocent, and therefore I don't find this as odd as some.

When I met my now fiamce he didn't tell me at first that he was living with his own mum after his marriage breakdown, he was embarrassed, but he only omitted that info until we had been on a few dates. So I can also see why he didn't tell you at first, the only issue I'd have, and it's a big one, is why he still hasn't told you after 18 months together, and even then you found out, he didn't tell. I wouldn't leave over this alone, but I would want to meet the ex mil and suss out the general feeling of the situation. He also wouldn't get let off for lying either!

Sustained, deliberate, involved lying.

He would rather do that for A YEAR AND A HALF than have an honest conversation with you...

Hopefully the answer to what to do here is bloody obvious!!!!!

LYING is a total deal-breaker.
I hate liars.

It's not the fact of him living with his ex wife's mum that is the issue - that could be completely above board as it's quite common for in-laws to become like family.

It's the lie. This is a man who lies for an easy life when it suits him. What else will he lie about?

And also the way he tries to paint himself as the victim - poor thing, walking on eggshells all the time! When he could have changed that at any point by telling the truth. But instead he waited for you to suss him out.

So the question is simply about how much you value yourself and whether you believe you are worth more than a liar who will play the victim.

I don't do liars. Life is a lot more simple that way.

He's lied from the beginning, when you first started dating he owed you nothing and had the perfect opportunity to tell you before getting more involved with you.
The thing about choice is someone needs to have all the relevant information on someone before they choose to pursue a relationship or not. He has denied you that, therefore taking away your right to make an informed decision.
He chose to lie, and even if it was with the best of intentions, you will struggle to trust him again, get rid.

I mean I wouldn't say a boyfriend of a year is your other half. Ditch him.

Had you known you may have felt more comfortable but he must have been hiding so much. I am sure the Ex visited her mum so he has hidden that contact. Might be completely innocent but a deal breaker due to the extent of lies.

He could have explained this at the start, acknowledged that yes, it's unusual but the split was amicable, the ex has a new partner and it works for them temporarily.

Not saying that would have made him more attractive but some of my ex partners' families would give me a bed if I needed one so I might be able to live with that.

However, lying for 18 months rather than have a slightly awkward conversation though would be a lot less acceptable for me.

I would be wondering how he is generally in difficult situations, does he just default to the path of least resistance and not worry too much about whether it affects other people? Doesn't seem he has a very mature approach.