Examples of your ex partners narcissist behaviour and if you're happy you left them!!!

[Unicorns87]

Hey,

I've noticed that narcissistic behaviour in relationships (or in general) is quite common but isn't recognised or talked about very much in the real world.

I'm going through something in my life at the moment and find I doubt my instincts alot.

Please can you share with me examples of your Partner's or Ex Partners narcissist traits so I feel like I'm not being a drama queen.
Ive not had many good relationships and I'm starting to think that maybe this is all normal behaviour and Ill never find anything better so I may aswell stay.

TIA

Oh and the lying to appear wonderful to everyone else, he once told my family he was going to sell his house abroad (which wasn’t actually his It was his dads!) to enable me to work part time, WTF he had never even mentioned it to me (nor would I have agreed!) and had literally not intention of doing anything of the sort, twat!

@DollyDan

My DH has done similar things by saying something really nice for the first time Infront of my family and friends and I've been like, 'huh'.
For example, he told my family that he wanted to work for himself so he could earn loads of money so I didn't have to work anymore.
I frigging love my job and he knows that. I would never give up work. He knows that too.
Yet behind closed doors he constantly makes nasty comments about how he is the one that has to support us financially

I'm still with him, just getting the emotional strength to leave.

• Had affairs with at least 3 other women. One of them by best friend. I forgave him (I know, I know) and he made me feel like I was unreasonable for wanting him to cut contact with said friend of mine. He gaslighted me in order to get me to think everyone thought I was a jealous, possessive witch for wanting him to go n/c with my friend who he fucked.
• Propositioned his cleaner via text (I saw the messages.) She was obviously not keen, he kept on. This is such a horrible position to put the cleaner in, I think this is the bit that makes me sick.
• Absolutely obsessed with outward appearances. He wants everyone to see on fb etc that we have a perfect relationship. On the odd occasion that he cooks, he makes sure everyone knows about it, making it seem as if he does it all the time.
• Compliments me to high heaven when we're in the company of others, but not at all when we're alone.
• Obsessed with other people's relationships. I've never know anyone like him for this. He wonders if they're happy, having affairs, having sex etc etc.
• Tells me over and over what a brilliant relationship we have, especially after something has happened. For example, I find out that he's been lying to me again about women, and we argue- when I lose steam, it's all, "Our love is so strong, we always manage to get through everything."
• He has no real awareness of what he looks like. Looks aren't important to me, so it isn't important, but the self-deception is amazing. He is on the heavier end weight wise, but goes on about how he's lucky he's so slim and judges people for not looking after themselves when they basically look like him. It's the same with ageing- he'll comment that he's lucky he's ageing well and will point out when someone looks a bit weathered, when in fact he himself doesn't look any younger than them.
• I have a whole list in my phone of the horrible things he's said to me, each and every one of them excused with "I didn't mean it like that!" These include comments about my weight (I have an ED and am an average weight now, thanks to constant hard work on my behalf); Comparing me unfavourably to my sister; Being judgmental about my work, especially when I'm doing well; using depression as a catch-all excuse for ruining every birthday; "I love you even though..."

Thanks for starting this thread. It reminds me of what an absolute prick he is.

@Unicorns87 Having unrealistic grand plans is a bad sign too.

The more you reveal about him, the more I am convinced that you are deeply unhappy about your relationship and trying to get some confirmation to leave. mn can't help you decide that as we don't know your situation inside out.

However, you asked in your op whether it's worth staying because you'll never find anything better. Do your good times outweigh the negatives of your relationship? If you are that unhappy and have been for a while, then there's always better because this is not what good relationships look like.

Another thing, if you always have to walk around eggshells in your relationship, then you are not being your authentic self. In my case from many years ago, my walking around eggshells cost me my integrity, dignity and self respect. You need to be able to be your true self rather than trying to avoid certain behaviour or words because you fear how the other person will behave.

@Unicorns87 the way he is behaving won’t get any better, it just gets worse, please don’t think you will be worse off without him, I understand how hard it is and although I lost my house and had an awful court case I would do it all again in a heartbeat, my life now is better than I could have ever imagined and I have a wonderful partner who is the opposite of that vile narcissistic, you deserve to be happy x

I had a conversation with my best friend the other day, and we were walking about my unhappiness with DH. All the things I said led her to suggest maybe he's a narc. I always thought this meant someone who was obsessed with their appearance, thought they were gods gift etc, but now I realise it's not that at all, and that DH displays so many of the narc traits I had never realised were such red flags. One example that jumps out here was that last night he announced he was going to the cinema and would need the car......in 10 minutes! So in those 10 minutes I had to quickly finish cooking the dinner I had made for my mum, take it to her and get back so he could go. There are so many other things, I'd be here all day. This is not the only thing wrong in our relationship, and I'm trying to find a way out that's not to painful for everyone involved, including him. I just want some peace.
I was glad he went off to the cinema, depsite the late notice.

@RantAndDec
I'm so sorry you're still stuck with such an arsehole.
Crikey your examples sound awful for you.
I really hope this helps you find the strength to leave.
It's incredible though cos things I didn't even think about keep cropping up in other people's examples.
For example, on the odd occasion that my husband does something nice, like cooks me a meal or something, he stands over me and tells me to take a picture of it to send to my family. And then makes sure later on that I definitely did it by asking me again.
My husband also has a tendancy to stick his nose into everyone else's business like it's his business. Their relationships, jobs, he picks them apart. Then sits there and explains why he is better in his opinion.

And no, the bad times far outweigh the good. But the fantasy in my head of how our life should be and could be given that were married, and have a beautiful boy together is what's making me struggle to leave so much. I think I'm still holding on to the hope that things will miraculously change and I get to keep be out the happy ever after that I always imagined for my life.
However, I think that last week was the turning point for me after another one of his rages and now, even though he's been in a better mood the last week, I am struggling to even look at him and I feel angry with myself and so confused if I so much as feel the tiniest bit of love for him.