Long school day - is this too much for a 12 year old?

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My DS is 12 and really struggling with the long school day. They start at 8:25 and finish at 6 apart from Fridays when they finish at 5. He’s often feeling unwell and exhausted.

He won a full fees paid scholarship, I wouldn’t be able to afford it but I see it as a great opportunity for him.

I don’t know if I’d be a fool to move him this early on, the school day seems to work For the pupils as it’s always been this long...

I don't know any private school that states you must stay after school and attend clubs and do homework. My sons school finishes at 350 and he starts at 825. He leaves the house at 710 and gets home at 5. His clubs are doing during the long lunch break with some sports after school however that has stopped because of covid so he goes on a Saturday morning for rugby training as the yr groups are in bubbles. If your DS is staying behind to do homework it sounds like a good use of his time as he won't need to do it at home. My DS has three pieces of work a night so it's a lot of work after a long day.

It's normal at private schools but that includes homework so no different than state school kids should be doing! Wednesday I'm guessing is half day for sports too? Dd boarded for 6 form on a bursary and had lessons and scheduled activities/sports 6 days a week, she adjusted by half term

If kids are in after school clubs they do the same length. Also my secondary kids aren't done until then if they do homework when they get home.

Everyone is tired and ill after six months of no school and no exposure to germs. It's like freshers flu times 50. Give him time. Mine haven't even adjusted to 9-3.30 yet and they've all been sick and exhausted.

Congratulations to your son for achieving that. It’s a real shame that his first year was disrupted - it’s been exhausting for all children getting back in the swing - we had tears of exhaustion with my year 10 DD everyday for the first week - I gave her loads of options - take tomorrow off, I will drive you in late, don’t do that piece of homework - I will ask for an extension. Because she was at the end of her tether. It’s always important to give people options and exits when they are stressed because a lot of the stress is a general feeling of being overwhelmed or trapped rather than the single activity. She is fine now (I notice that she grumbles more on certain days and we are aware why and acknowledge it and do something to make it easier). She has never taken up any of the “pause” options but I would be more than happy if she did.

I think your sons hours are v normal / acceptable if they also include enriching activities - clubs, sports, hobbies etc and homework is done - they are just scheduled in the 9-5 rather than coming home at 4 and going out again in the evenings to do clubs / sports and fit homework in around that.

One issue that we experienced when moving state to private was keeping all of their clubs going (their choice) - so their out of school football, cricket, training and fixtures (so two sessions - mid week training and weekend matches) scouts and drama were on top their school activities which included lots of competitive sports fixtures on Saturdays - miles away.

How is he coping emotionally and socially? Being tired is good and is probably teenage growth as much as anything (half boy, half sofa) - they just need home to be restful and comfortable with a hot meal ready when they come in the door.

My DC had 4/5 days this long at prep. Not at 4 but from 5 onwards. They did all activities at school which means less running around for you. In my native country my parents had to manage 3-4 hobbies each for 5 of us which meant constant juggling. To be honest there is more control though and they get to meet more people/branch out beyond the school's expertise/methods. So there's advantages to both ways.

Thanks for your posts everyone, very reassuring

Most kids are exhausted.. they just had 6 months off and they being back at school is a real shock to the system. We also entering the long dark and wet months... not so fun!

Give him a bit of time to adjust and reassess in a few months time. A scholarship is a fantastic opportunity so worth a try.

My 7 year old does more hours than that. My eldest is almost same age as yours and he doesn’t go to bed until almost 9 most nights so home from school at 6/6.30 wouldn’t be an issue for us. What time is your son going to bed OP. Also, give him a vitamin tablet every day. At his age those hours should be fine especially if homework is being done at school too.

My DC - state Comp, left for school at 7:50, and got home at 4:30 (school day 8:30-3:15). Then had homework etc to do on top. Lots of kids locally do 7:50 ish to 5 or 5:30 ish depending on school bus times.
If he's got all his homework done when he gets home, then he has plenty of down time - does he do a lot of extra-curricula? How are his sleep patterns?
If he is really excessively tired then maybe a visit to the GP, and maybe a multivitamin. Do the school think there is a problem?

The key is making sure he gets enough sleep. He's not working solid over that time. They will all be having formal and informal breaks during the day (and it's mainly mental work not physical work) so unless he has special needs he should be able to cope with that day if he's had enough sleep.

He must be going to sleep too late (often kids remain on their phones/laptop after they've been sent to bed so you need to be strict with them on this). Some people also naturally need more sleep than others e.g. 9 or 10 hours, to function optimally so must go to bed earlier. The school day is longer than average but it's not the problem - it's him. Considering how much a secondary school impacts on life chances, it would be madness to throw away his scholarship and move him for a reason like this which is easily fixed. Everyone else is fine with it and adjusted and you need to perhaps stop molly coddling him and start showing him that not every circumstance will be changed to suit him and sometimes he has to make his own reasonable adjustments...

Both of my dc are exhausted after school at the moment and they weren't before lockdown.

Like others are saying, it's not a long day if it includes homework and clubs, most dc will have a couple of days a week longer than this for activities and at least when he's at home - he's at home. He doesn't have the ever present cloud of homework hanging over him. And you don't have to make sure it's getting done either.

To the pp who said this is 'standard' Where?
Presuming this is an independent school thing. It's certainly not standard for most people at secondaries.

Only on MN could this be 'standard'

This is normal for private schools that have boarders, and have "greens" during the day so some prep/music practise etc can be done. It's the same for mine. Years 7 to 8 stay every day until 5.30, or 7pm if they have clubs (they must do 3). Then they have saturday school until 1pm.

Now they've moved up they have lessons until 6pm each day, and stay later on assembly days.

Your son will get used to it. It will feel a big change form state. Mine were both at state primary, and it was a big adjustment. They are both thriving now

It's a great opportunity for him. I know there will be people saying they leave far earlier, but those kids will be doing homework/activities at home. And he should have longer holidays.

Secondary school I found tiring to begin with, even with a shorter day than the OPs DS.

Need to make sure that sleep is consistent each night, no late nights at weekends, for example, is the only advice I can suggest.

I'm afraid I'm going against the general trend and would ask, is he actually unwell and exhausted (as opposed to tiredness that resolves at the weekend with a good night's sleep), or are these signs that he is not happy at school? Just because a school has a prestigious or other reputation does not mean it is a good fit for every child.

If it's not that, assuming he is taking good care of himself regarding eating, exercise, sleep, screens etc, and this is more extreme than for other children, then you need to eliminate the possibility of him having an underlying health condition.

I used to really struggle (scholarship) as we moved house and so age 10 I was up at 6 and on the bus for 7 and at school 8-5.30 then not getting home until 6.30 some nights because of the bus. I remember sitting crying at home in bed in the mornings because I was so bloody tired and that's all I really remember about that school