Feeling really guilty :(

[Boopbobeedo]

Last night I did something monumentally stupid and selfish.

My ex came over to help with out with something, we're still friends and talk occasionally but haven't seen each other in a while.

I had been really upset all day as I broke up with my ex boyfriend recently. Had been crying all day and decided to get really drunk to help myself forget about it and feel better. I'd started getting drunk before he said about coming over.

Well I ended up getting upset again while he was here and he comforted me, one thing led to another and we ended up having sex 😞

I'm single. He isn't. He's not been with her very long and had been talking through the evening about ending it with her but that's no excuse. I think I was feeling lonely, horny & vulnerable and just wanted to feel like someone wanted me and cared about me. I was so drunk that after he left I just fell asleep and didn't think much about it.

Today I feel terrible. I know how painful it is to be cheated on and I feel awful that I might put someone else through that pain. I'm so ashamed of myself 😞 I'm a good person and would never normally have done something like this. I don't want to tell her, I just want to pretend it never happened 😭

You aren’t the first, and neither will you be the last. You are single, he isn’t and it’s up to him to take responsibility for his new relationship, or not.

It’s not ideal no, but are you a monster, no. Try not to dwell on it too long. But if you speak to him tell him it was a mistake and he should concentrate on his new relationship and you don’t want to be involved with someone who is with someone else. And leave him to It it’s up to him if he tells her or not

I have NO intention of getting back together with him, or ever having sex with him again, no matter how good it is, it's just too complicated!

I'm just feeling so terrible about myself now. I know that technically he's the one in the wrong as I'm single but I keep thinking about her and how upset she'd be if she found out. I'm just going over and over it in my head and wondering how I could be that shit of a person.

What a twat he is. Took advantage of a vulnerable w omen. If he was half a man he would have made sure you were ok, got you to bed and made sure you were safe.
You're better off not being with a twat like that and yes you fucked up but he should have done the RIGHT thing.

He took advantage of you and is a twat.

Getting really drunk alone as a way to deal with a breakup is unusual and very unhealthy. Assuming this is all true, do you often deal with issues this way?

Guilt is a useless emotion- you have to channel it into something else, preferably sorting whatever it was that prompted you to do the guity thing in the first place.

Give yourself a break! You’re not a terrible person, you just made a mistake when drunk and emotional. His relationship is for him to worry about and if it’s fairly new and he’s unsure about it anyway I don’t think massive guilt is warranted on your part - it’s not like he’s married with 3 kids. Just file it under ‘error in judgement’ and move on. You’re only human.

I think getting a bit pissed on a Saturday night is perfectly acceptable. Specially when you've just had a break up. Did we miss a meeting, Rubicon? Cos I didn't see anyone vote to put you in charge of OPs life.

Getting pissed as a coping mechanism isn’t ideal, but it’s extremely common and doesn’t mean op is an alcoholic

Op if you’re hungover that won’t be helping your mental state, you’re just in the horrors. There’s more to everyone than how they are on one bad day. Forgive yourself and keep moving on.

Forgive yourself. Tell him he has a week to tell her or you will. Don't see him again, he is a user not your friend.

noego

What a twat he is. Took advantage of a vulnerable w omen. If he was half a man he would have made sure you were ok, got you to bed and made sure you were safe.
You're better off not being with a twat like that and yes you fucked up but he should have done the RIGHT thing.

Beautifully put . Exactly what noego said above !

I wouldn’t worry about it. This sort of thing will have happened millions of times. I’ve done it too. Just put it to bed and move on.

@PurpleTrilby what?

Obviously the ex is entirely at fault here. Totally separately, I think the OP is worth someone checking in that it isn't a regular pattern. Getting pissed on a Saturday night very standard. Drinking to get drunk alone is a bit different, especially as it made her vulnerable - she either did it knowing her ex was coming over to help with something, or called him when drunk.

Or are we only supposed to say 'you do you hun' now?

I was just feeling particularly down and started drinking to try and chill out and slow my brain down. Kept drinking. Didn't know he was going to come round until later that night by which time I was already quite pissed.

I don't always drink to deal with feeling crappy but has been happening more and more due to lockdown. Been so bored, lonely and restless. Stressed about money and not working. Anyways, I'm really having to tighten my belt for the foreseeable future to pay off some debts and alcohol is an obvious place I can cut costs so I'm hoping it won't be an issue again.

Urrrg.

Not your fault.