family won't accept my mh issues

[helpmeeeeee]

Hiiiiii

I'm 25, going through a very tough break up after 6 years. I've always had issues with anxiety and depression but this break up has pushed me over the edge (if I'm honest I think my mh drove my ex away). I'm in the flat on my own and my friends are busy most of time so feel so lonely. I work alone so that's draining too. I've been going to my parents house a fair bit.

I've never felt so low in my life and last night I tried to reach out to my mum by telling her Ive been experiencing suicidal thoughts. Bad idea. She kicked off saying they can't be that bad because I haven't acted on them, and I waited til the end of the night to tell her (so I can't be that desperate for help). She said I can't drop a bombshell on her like that cos it's unfair and emotional blackmail.

My dad and sister joined in too. I've never got on with my sister, she pretty much resents me. She mainly, but everyone, was saying things like "look how much better you have it than some other people" and "don't you think everyone wakes up having had enough some days". All they were doing was listing problems that other people have, yet they're not suicidal
Everyone has bad days. They said "you have a choice, it's a choice, you don't have clinical depression it's circumstantial" and that I can just "create my own happiness" as if it's not the hardest thing in the world for me to even get up.

I was crying and my sister laughed, telling me to stop being so dramatic and acting like I'm in a TV show. She was saying things like "come on, it's a fucking break up, you're embarrassing and dramatic, you always have been".
She's also going through a break up and said 'believe me, mines so much worse' as if it is a competition. They said I was acting like a victim and I'm no worse off than anyone else.

At the end of the night they suggested that if I did anything stupid now, it'd be to spite them or for attention. Mum then said "don't do anything stupid, don't do that to us".

I went home last night absolutely in bits, feeling empty and really felt like I had enough. I called in sick to work today, haven't got up from bed and just feel completely worthless and useless to everyone.

AIBU?

I'd really appreciate any advice or reassurance xx

I'm sorry your family have been so unsupportive.

If you're feeling really low, please make an appointment with the GP and speak to the Samaritans.

You will feel better than this, and move on with your life, you just have to keep going, the sun will come out again for you. Do nice things for yourself like you would for a friend and perhaps try journalling your feelings to get them out?

Do you have the option to work with colleagues? It might be good for you to see some different faces and get out of the house.

Well what a delightful family you have...
I think they feel you are wallowing in your feelings/self pity and are trying to snap or bully you out of it. What they don't realise is if you are really feeling down this is unlikely to work..
Speak to your GP. They can direct you to help or provide short term medication... .

I think you need a more supportive support network if I'm honest...the just don't get it.
I also think when you are having a better day you could try getting out and about... I realise that's hard..and feels like a big effort But sometimes it's distracting to keep busy....
Have you ever been advised to right a diary...write everything down.. Then burn it!

Another technique a friend does is to write a diary where each day's she writes at least one thing she is thankful for that day... However small... That helps her as she starts to come out of depression.

I'm so sorry you're feeling like this, and that your family is so unsupportive. Your sister sounds a bloody nightmare.

Can you look elsewhere for support? A counsellor? A good friend? A different family member - say a cousin or Aunty? Your GP?

I knew I couldn't look to my mother and sisters for support with mental health issues, and that if I tried, I'd have that vulnerability used against me, unfortunately, so I feel your pain. It meant that having dug myself very slowly and painfully out of PND, when I did ultimately let slip that I'd suffered with it, my mother ripped up at me, for not having told her. Like hell I was going to stick my hand in that blender!

Yeah I have a therapy appt on Wednesday which ive been waiting for for 6 weeks. I was also on the phone to Samaritans last night but I didn't find it overly helpful they were just 'mmm'ing at everything I said. Tried to find some company for today but everyone is busy.

Yeah my sister has always resented me since we fell out a few years ago, always brings it up like last night 'you never cared about me so I don't care about you' type thing. Mum thinks the sun shines out of her arse too, she said yesterday "she's going through a break up too, at least she's not putting it all on me". I thought opening up was the right thing to do

I would vow to myself that I wouldn't confide in them again. They're not exactly suitable for working for the Samaritans, are they? No wonder you feel shit, having a family like that. The more time you spend away from them, the better you'll feel.

I am so so sorry this was your families reaction OP. It takes a lot for someone to open up to people like that. It also takes a lot to come on here and be honest about your feeling so well done for that.

I know it’s easier said that done but just remember this is temporary, you will not always feel like this. It’s also not a comparison on who is having the shittest time.

As PP suggest, try writing your feelings down. This helps me. I also watch YouTube videos on these subjects.

Send you lots of love and care, I really hope you start to feel better soon

The reality is likely that poor parenting and a toxic family during childhood (and obviously continuing) has CAUSED your anxiety and depression.

No surprises then that these are the last people you should turn to as they will just exacerbate and escalate your MH challenges. In fact you need to take yourself right out of punching distance and find radiant, kind, respectful, emotionally intelligent, warm and supportive people to be around so that you can recover.

I am glad that you have some talking therapy lined up soon - I am sure they will explore the issues in your family and help you heal from the damage they have caused to you.

I am so sorry that your RS has floundered - and this could become a repeated pattern of you don’t work through the damage your family have caused. The relationship and the MH issues are “just” the symptoms/ outcome - if you just focus on these they will keep happening again again. If you work with your therapist you can heal the root of the issues.

So sorry you've had to deal with that reaction from your family, OP. I have very little advice as I'm in a similar situation. When I finally got the courage to talk to my mum about my anxiety, I was told that I 'needed to get a grip'. So, that was the last time I opened up to anyone apart from my partner who - by the way - is always super supportive.

Thanks everyone for the kind words had my first CBT session today!

My parents, as much as they don't get it and are pretty clueless, are at least trying to reach out to me to see if I'm ok. I've gone to my parents for the afternoon and my sister answered the door, didn't even look at me and walked off. Pretty embarrassing really

I think you have to take some accountability here (because it's empowering) By all means go to see your parents knowing that they are insensitive at best but expect nothing from your sister and you wont be disappointed.

I'm sorry you've had this reaction from your family. Their reaction says so much more about them than you. Maybe distance from them for a while while you take some time to be kind to yourself.
You've been so brave to go seek help and go to therapy. Opening up to people is hard.

Your family sounds awful, however maybe they are a bit stupid an didn't pick up on the severity of what you are saying. I hope you can change Ur job so you have contact with other people. Please speak to your GP. Life is different right now for every one, but it will get better. Is there anyone in real life you can reach out to?

Why don't you ask your parents to yours so you aren't subjected to your sister or meet up somewhere neutral for coffee?