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Original poster

Why is he still checking up on his ex?

45 replies

Overitallllll · 28/09/2020 15:22

So I’ve been dating a guy for around 3 months. I know he was involved with a girl and it was quite messy. They ended on very bad terms he hasn’t told me what happened just that it was bad.

Our relationship has been really good so far, he came to my birthday party, met my friends and made it Instagram official? Well at least I did. He said he’s a very private person so wouldn’t really share pictures like that.

Anyway twice now I’ve seen that he has searched her on Instagram. They don’t follow each other but he’s been watching her stories. We were sat next to each other and I wasn’t checking his screen I just saw. I feel like as he was so open it’s not really a thing.

Recently he bumped into her, he told me and said it was awkward. Anyway thought nothing of it as he didn’t need to tell me. But I had seen them having a chat where he said basically she didn’t speak to him and rushed off. Why is he so bothered? Is he not over her? When he speaks of her, it’s not from a place of hate but he doesn’t seem very positive about it?

OP posts:
Original poster
Overitallllll · 28/09/2020 19:12

Wow that to me is real stalking. How horrible to deal with that for years. But with my boyfriend I think he just is still in love

OP posts:
LemonTT · 28/09/2020 19:13

I’ve loved my OH for almost all of the time I’ve known him. There’s no way I would be over him in 4 months if we split whilst I still love him.

Original poster
Overitallllll · 28/09/2020 19:19

But he also said it wasn’t love when they were together. It never got to that point.

OP posts:
FizzyPink · 28/09/2020 19:23

My ex still does this. Doesn’t follow me on Instagram but watches my stories every single day so he’s obviously manually going onto my profile to look at them. Very odd

OneForMeToo · 28/09/2020 19:35

Until you claimed he said it wasn’t love when they was together I was going with innocent wondering but I now think his trying to minimise what they had so you don’t feel threatened when you should be.

IncandescentSilver · 29/09/2020 09:19

I'd be more bothered about him not sharing photos of the two of you together and being a "very private person". It dies sound like a rebound relationship.

The ex has probably bolted! He sounds like a bit of a player.

mindutopia · 29/09/2020 09:25

Is he just nosey? It's a very recent relationship, so it could be he's struggling to make a clean break. But honestly, I check up on exes on social media all the time. I've been happily married to dh for 12 years. I am friends with a few exes (dh has never had an issue with this - I'm friends with their wives too), but some I'm not friends with and have absolutely no interest in. I'm honestly just nosey and judgemental. Blush If you aren't comfortable with it, it's a very new relationship and you can still cut your losses and move on.

ghostmous3 · 29/09/2020 15:08

My dp does this to his first ex, the one he was with the longest, the messier breakup and the only one out of all of us he has a child with.
I used to feel so insecure about this, hed look at her facebook page (I'd look over his shoulder and see his search history) but they were quite close for years after they split and he had a lot to do with her and her new family and it was quite amicable

However it still made me a bit crap but that was early days, he still does it but I think it's more to see what his grown up child is up to
I also realised I do it to..I often have a nosy at my exs fb to see what hes doing..he was a knob and still his and I like to judge!

PamDemic · 29/09/2020 20:56

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

user1481840227 · 30/09/2020 16:30

@Overitallllll

I think because he was so adamant about not really liking her. I feel like 4 months is a short time but long enough to get over someone? I’ve just text him to ask why he’s still stalking her.
Why the hell would you text him and ask “why are you still stalking her”?

That’s such a confrontational way to go about it and more than likely going to make him defensive and lie about it. Stalking is such an embarrassing way to put it and if someone feels embarrassed they are likely to fight back... it could just be occasional checking and using the word stalking to confront him about this just makes you seem dramatic!

Hellin301 · 12/10/2020 21:34

To be entirely honest, in my opinion if he was 100% over her I don’t think he’d be looking to see what she’s up to.

It’s entirely different when it’s a man your married to or been dating for years who is checking up on an ex out of curiosity and a guy who is doing this and they have only very recently split up.

If he got with you so soon I would be worried it was a rebound relationship. Sorry, I don’t mean to come across harsh in saying that and I hope it’s not the case but I would personally be wary.

Stilllovehim01 · 12/10/2020 21:50

So you knew him when he was with her as soon as he became single you were there trying to get with him. Back up a little bit . It’s far too soon

Hellin301 · 12/10/2020 22:10

Also best advice I can give you that has stuck with me over the years:

Look at what someone does - not what someone says.

Actions always speak louder than words. It’s a person’s actions that define them not their words

newnameforthis123 · 12/10/2020 22:31

You've messaged him asking why he's "stalking" her?! You didn't really say stalking did you? Blimey.

TwentyViginti · 12/10/2020 23:15

@LemonTT

You are not going to like it, but the obviously explanation for this behaviour is that he is not over her.

It’s been 4 months since they split. This makes you the rebound. He knew you fancied him. You were an easy option.

She’s clearly run for the hills. But if he could he would be up that hill.

Yep.
widespreadpanic · 12/10/2020 23:37

I agree with @Dillo10 that there’s nothing wrong with checking up on an ex out of curiosity. I’ve done this when I’m perfectly happy in a relationship but I have a “strong sense of wonder” so I tend to peek around to see what people of my past are doing. Means nothing.

However if there are red flags elsewhere in the relationship and he’s doing this as well then it might be a whole other can of worms.

ReneeRol · 12/10/2020 23:48

Maybe he's not over her yet or perhaps curious as to how she's getting on.

It doesn't matter what happened between them. That's none of your business. Neither are his Google searches. If he's not into you, then stop trying to force it and move on.

SauvignonGrower · 13/10/2020 00:07

I like to google my exes the same way I search for houses on Rightmove. Tis no biggie.

MrDarcysMa · 14/10/2020 21:11

Op are you very young ?
And if they only broke up 3 months ago I think it's natural for him to be curious about what she's doing - it's no time at all really. It might be too soon for him, and you using phrases like 'Instagram official' and trying to get him to do the same is going to make him run a mile anyway ....

MrDarcysMa · 14/10/2020 21:14

Just read your update - I honestly wouldn't be surprised if he's dumped you by now. Looking at someone's Instagram stories is not 'stalking' fgs.

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