Meeting my Boyfriends son

[Kat958]

Hi all

Just after some advice really. I have been with my partner for 9 months, met most of his family and stay with him most nights of every other week. He keeps suggesting I meet his son, which he has been suggesting since July, every time I get my hopes up but it never happens. I haven't really said anything as I don't feel it is my place to however now he has started bringing up moving in together etc and people have commented how strange it is that he has not integrated me into that part of his life particularly as we have such a good relationship. I do not have any children so I'm not really sure what the hesitation is. He met his ex's new partner before they met his son and I said I was happy to do the same as if the shoe was on the other foot I would also want to know who my child was spending time with.

I just feel a bit confused about the whole situation, should I address it or leave it as it is?

Unfortunately if he's already started talking about moving in sometime soon in the future (and 9 months is no time in this complex situation with a child plus lockdown especially would have meant you dont actually know each other properly) then he's probably looking for a woman to replace his ex to help take on the parenting grunt work and household 'wife work' that he should be doing. So many men do this - don't get sucked onto taking on any of his childcare responsibilities. I wouldnt be moving in if I were you.

@hereyehearye

Hasn't six months of this been in lockdown? How have you even met him?

I suppose covid is nothing to you getting your leg over?

Quite blunt but I guess it does beg the question how they've been meeting every other week since January when for a significant proportion of that time, household interactions were meant to be limited for the health and lives of people

Considering the guy is even talking about moving OP in in the near future when he doesn't really know the OP and they apparently seem to have been flouting covid rules, it does make you wonder if the guy has "other priorities." I would never even bring up moving in with someone when I dont truly know them and I have a child they've not even met yet . Seems like the guy may be focused on moving in the OP for his own personal "needs" rather than a proper long term relationship where you go through the stages of getting to know someone properly and slowly introducing them to your child and other parts if your life if you truly saw a future with that person.

Thank you @LilyWater for seeing what I see.

The OP seems to regard meeting this son as evidence they are "serious" but her boyfriend who she barely knows is mostly interested in getting her to move in, likely to do wifework.

OP: stop auditioning for this man and start really looking hard at his character and behavior. Otherwise get ready to spend a lot of your time whining on the stepparents board. He sounds useless.

We don't know what country OP lives in. Here in Germany, for instance, she'd have been allowed to meet up as described.