Parenting a kid with mental health problems is the worst thing I have ever experienced

[DressesWithPocketsRockMyWorld]

DD 15, on the waiting list for specialist CAMHS after numerous attempts on her life, self harm, intrusive thoughts. Last night said she wanted to shave her head and when we said no was fuming. Said she was going for a walk at 11pm. Again no. So so angry said if I didn't let her go she would cut herself to ribbons and kill herself. Rang CAMHS crisis line they suggested taking her to A&E where they would admit to paediatrics and I would have to stay to monitor. Couldn't do that cos I had wine. So made her sleep in the living room with me up all night watching her.

I'm so so sad for her but I'm also so angry. She wont try anything CAMHS suggests she seems totally resigned to this being her life.

3 years we've been doing this. 3 years. I'm so tired.

Bless you that sounds awful

It's so hard for MH services to work with young people sometimes as they just won't engage. She has to be in the right mindset to help them to help her.

You did the right thing not allowing her to go out, she can't know that threatening self harm/suicide will get her her own way.

Do you think she could have been wanting to meet someone? Seems unusual to her that stressed about going for a walk. Entirely possible though of course.

Sorry you are all going through this. I wasn't so different at that age. It took 20 years to find out I have PMDD. I've been diagnosed with bipolar, anxiety and depression and a learning difficulty but I think all of that is crap because I finally was told about PMDD and how debilitating it can be. On review psychiatrist said it was best fit for my issues. I'm not trying to diagnose your daughter but given her age and when you said it started it might be worth a look. I genuinely think my life would have been very different if I knew about PMDD 20 years ago.

Regardless, I hope that you both get the support you need soon.

@JudyGemstone I dont think so but I'm not sure? I will try to ask her about this whenever she decides she is talking to me.

@Random63638 that is so strange you say that - she is much, much, much worse around her period. So so much worse. She is aggressive (not physically as yet) and impulsive and hyper. But then massive slump when her period arrives. I'm going to read a bit more into it. I'm so sorry you felt unwell for so long, have you eventually found something that might work??

The way it manifested for me was total hyper mid cycle, risk taking, energetic very much like a manic phase in bipolar. Then about 5 days before my period I had a terrible crash where I sometimes couldn't function. Stare at the wall time, hours going by without registering, not sleeping at night due to dark thoughts and just total desolation. Then period started and sort of ok again. On and on and on. Some months were worse than others. I'm not saying it was the only thing going on but it certainly exacerbated whatever else was happening.

By chance I got a nexplanon implant which stopped my periods and has been life changing for my moods. I was on the pill for years to control heavy periods but the implant made the real difference, although it's not recommended as a treatment and doesn't seem to work for everyone. I stand by my entirely anecdotal experience!

If you can try tracking your dd's mood in line with her cycle you might be better prepared for when she has her ups and downs. For the downs CBT did help if I got in quick enough, but once I was too down I couldn't be bothered with it. Exercise, or at least a nice long walk did a power of good though, if I could be motivated.

It does sound very tough for you indeed. And her too. I’m wondering why she isn’t engaging or trying things that are suggested. And if she can say what it is she WOULD like. For example the head shaving-
What was she hoping to achieve through that? Does she want to look different in order to make people see she is different? Is she uncomfortable with her appearance in other aspects? Does she just want to be extreme? I wouldn’t say no- I’d have said let’s discuss this and if you still want it done we can arrange that at a salon. Same with the walk. She could have gone with you rather than alone- due to safety. She is black and white think I just now and she needs you to model the shades of grey, not respond with a similar inflexible attitude. Get counselling for yourself to help her even though she won’t access it yet. You being in the best place will help her in the long run.

I didn’t want to read and run with this one as I have been in a very similar situation in the past with my daughter who is now almost 18. It’s such a drain, physically & mentally on you as a parent, especially as you probably feel like you can never relax in case she tries something, and being able to balance keeping her safe and also allowing her to have some kind of normality is very difficult.

I lost count of the amount of a&e trips after self harm or with suicidal thoughts and other things, luckily we managed to get intensive support from CAMHS, which she really didn’t want to engage with, I had to put incentives into place for every appointment it was a very very hard time. Why doesn’t she want to engage? Has she told you the reason? My daughter told me it was being she didn’t feel like she clicked with the woman she was seeing, she felt judged, pressured, worried, and the sessions made her face things she didn’t want to. Social services were useless.

After quite a bit of therapy one on one and some group sessions she seemed to improve, also a change of school helped. I think with teens especially these days there is so much pressure on them, so much bullying, something in some of them just switches and they can’t cope.

Just for a glimmer of hope, my daughter is much much better, no self harm, still suffers anxiety and bit of OCD but she attends college, works and has a boyfriend and some nice friends now