Splitting up from husband

[thecatsarecrazy]

Can anyone offer any advice.
DH and I have been married 14 years. The marriage has never been great but for the sake of the children I tried to work at it.
Lately though I've decided that I just can't do this anymore. I'm 39 life is passing me by. I want to feel real love. I want to be loved by someone and I want to really love them. My husband talks down to me, questions everything I do like going shopping.. he will stand and watch me do something wrong like yesterday I was apparently going the wrong way out of m and s so he shouted loudly to belittle me.
I spoke honestly and calmly last night and told him that I'm just not in love with him. I have love for him but not heart flutters and belly tickle's. I said it can't be a surprise because you have been pretty shit thorough the marriage. He agreed but said he would rather I didn't leave.
We can't afford to live apart. He works full time at home setting up office in the shed and I deal with a 3 year old, school lunches making sure older 2 are out the door for school, Cooking cleaning Washing. He basically said he doesn't want me to leave him to look after the kids. I wouldn't because he is useless around the house. Has no domestic skills at all.
Sorry for the rambling but I just don't know where to start. Is it possible to live under one roof but not be lovers anymore? He's obviously upset today. Getting short with the boys, shouted at me because I didn't want lunch and said I would fuck up everyone's plans.

Of course it’s possible to live under the same roof in this circumstance , millions of people do it every day when they “stay for the children”.

If it can be amicably done and the dc see that you’re working as a team with no animosity I think you should try at least.

But what happens if you meet someone that gives you butterflies, then what?

If it becomes unbearable then you may need to go your separate ways.

My best friend and his fiancé split up a few years ago and still live in the same house. They have two young children and couldn't afford to live separately.

I consistently told him what an awful idea it was. Consistently told him to l get his own place. Then I had a baby and I completely understand why they both chose to give their daughters a family home despite not being a couple.

They've both been off doing their own thing. But it doesn't affect their home life. And now, nearly four years later they're buying the flat they are in and it looks like they may even get back together which is remarkable.

Sometimes, you need to listen to your heart and talk it out with your partner, screw what other people think.

Let's look at what you said. He belittles you, which I can tell you from experience is a vile thing to do to someone you supposedly care about. Make no mistake, he doesn't love you, or even like you. If he did he wouldn't do this.

However, you are a good housekeeper and nanny, so he'd prefer it if you stayed around just to make his life easier, yeah?

Fuck. That. Noise. You know what you have to do. The money is distraction. An excuse. If you really wanted to leave, you'd find a way to do so. I did. You need to start letting the reality of this sink in and that if you don't change it, no-one else will. Life is too short.

@ thecatsarecrazy

You could possibly manage to live in the same house when separated, but it'll never work when he won't change how he treats you and belittles you, will it ?

All it would mean is that you don't share a bedroom, everything else will stay the same !

Also your DC will be living with and learning a terrible marriage and parenting example, won't they ?

Tough shit if ''he doesn't have any domestic skills at all'', quite frankly, that's not you're bloody problem, is it ?

You've bared your heart to him, told him how unhappy you are, and he's done what exactly ? He's shouted at everyone and accused you of ''fucking up everyone's plans'', just because you're not hungry ffs !

He hasn't bared his soul to you, or said he will try harder, or even said he's sorry for his treatment of you, has he ? NO

What he has done, is tell you he'd ''rather you didn't leave'', FFS, he never even pretended to be upset your marriage was ending, did he ?? He just said he wants you to stay because it's bloody convenient for HIM !

You're going to have to separate properly (different houses), before he will never change how he treats you I'm afraid.