Tips for calming down after awkward visits to MIL

[Hopeful5million]

Hi all
I don’t want to get too much into details of why I don’t feel very comfortable around MIL, more so since birth of first child - it makes me a bit neurotic to go over all the details - but I just feel drained, a bit low and unsure about myself, etc after visiting her, and visits are often since they live only five mins walking distance away. I was hoping some of you might have some useful tips on how not to hold on to the negative feelings after each visit? I’m usually quite a positive person and it’s really getting me down and making me anxious.
Thank you 🙏 😊

Honestly, if something was regularly making me feel that bad, I wouldn’t do it.

I'd o my be seeing her once a week, that's how I'd deal with it

You should be able to enlist your spouse/partner's support in this. Either in reducing the number of visits or by running interference or defusing the situation for you.

Does he/she know that his/her mother upsets you so?

No need for you to visit her at all. And if she visits you, it's up to your husband to entertain her.

If you feel this unhappy I would stop/limit visits. Your husband could facilitate contact with the baby and his mother if necessary.

I felt like this my mother in law so I just stopped visiting regularly ( I pretend I'm in work) DH takes DC to see her once a week and I see her on special occasions

It’s telling that you don’t want to give details because you think you will come across as neurotic. Does this mean that you often repress your feelings and put up and shut up?

Feelings are critical - they tell us what our boundaries are. They should not be dismissed - they should be listened and attended to. This doesn’t mean being reactive eg being angry because we feel angry - it means considering that anger and taking adaptive and assertive actions.

Sometimes people leave us confused and unsettled - we can’t put our finger on anything or think we will sound unhinged if we react in the moment. But if you keep a list of incidents you will often see the totality of a consolidated list of put downs and bullying because each was enough to sting and get a punch in user the radar without being called out in the moment.

Don't visit her as often

My ex mil made me feel like this.
In the run up to her visits I would be angry and upset and it was my friend who pointed out that she was the cause.
I didn't engage and saw her rarely in the end.

In your situation, as she lives so close, get your partner on side and tell him you find her draining. He needs to step in and help