How much do you have in common with your partner?

[Ruby0707]

He had just said in passing that we don't have much in common. It has made me feel a bit weird but does that really matter if our values are the same? Views on marriage / kids / religion etc.

We met in a club for adults who collect a certain toy (Playmobil) and we both like Star Trek.

He said it when I commented about someone I didn't like on TV and he agreed then said "of we have nothing else in common, at least we have that". It threw me a bit, didn't know he felt like that.

Been together a year.

Similar values
Different politics on the surface
Different/no religion
Minimal friends in common
Both graduates
Both like food and wine
Both enjoy travel
Music tastes intersect, but diverse
Both introverts to varying degrees

Same sense of humour. Absolutely vital. Similar music and politics tastes, everything else completely different. After nearly 30 years together it doesn't work if you are clones of each other, you need different interests and viewpoints to talk about

Values
Sense of humour.
Sense of purpose.
General outlook on life.

^ All the 'big' things - yes, we do have those in common

In terms of things like what we watch on TV or films we like or the fact I like theatre and I like singing and I like dancing and he doesn't, or he likes camping and I don't. etc etc - we are very different.
What is important though is we respect each other's 'need' (?) to do these things and don't have any issue with the other one going off for a weekend or out for an evening or whatever, to do things the one of us likes and the other doesn't.

@Iwonder777

I guess quite a bit.

So long together now I think we have morphed into one 😱

You know when that's happened if you end up buying a birthday or Christmas gift for someone, knowing they will genuinely love it, but realise that it will likely be a gift for both of you because you're so similar!

We both:
are gamers,
like same movies & TV programmes,
are into fitness,
we are both not materialistic,
have the same humour,
we love travelling,
we have the same plans for the future and retirement
I think for us the question should be "what do we not have in common" 🤔

We like the same movies and TV shows, same music, same food and same sorts of holidays.
He is very into gardening which I’m not. I love reading and he’s never read a book fully in his life apart from at school. We also have different political stances (I’d vote Labour or Green and he would vote conservative). He also thinks Brexit is a good idea whereas I don’t.
Other than that I’d say we are fairly similar.

We are very different people but we do have the same viewpoint on politics, etc. I think that's important

Married over 40 years, love each other and have same sense of humour.apart from that not many interests in common but I indulge his love of football and he indulges my love of books. We do our own thing and do things together at other times. Shouldn’t work but it does...

We totally understand each other. We share values about money and family etc but we have no real shared interests. He's into gaming, sports, won't watch TV or films, doesn't really enjoy socialising and doesn't drink and I'm the opposite.
I don't know how but somehow it works.

Not much to be honest aside from both loving making our home beautiful, shopping and holidays but they’re pretty standard interests.

We get along well enough and always have fun together but I’d love for him to share my interest in food and culture a bit more.

If your views on marriage, children, religion etc are the same then you do have a lot in common. I would guess he just means that you don't appear similar superficially: come from different backgrounds, totally different upbringing, etc. - or do you think he meant something else?

When I first met my bf I also thought we had little in common, as he's much more outspoken than me, smokes, meets his mates in the pub, had loads of gfs, used to be quite a rebel as a young man. My life has been much more conventional and quiet. We didn't have many shared topics of conversation, either. But as we've got to know each other, it's become clear that actually we are similar in many ways, have the same values. And over time we've discovered and developed topics of conversation.

Virtually nothing other than our love of food. We've been together 14.5 years, got together as teenagers. It works, we have our own interests and bond over food and laughing

I have had two serious relationships in my life. First we met at college, very similar tastes and ideas. Grew up together and got further and further apart.

Relationship number two, we started off with a hobby and not much else in common. Over the years we have grown much closer on the important things (sense of humour, money, kindness). There are still enough points of difference to not be boring. One of the differences is that we can talk about things, to understand each other's point of view and understand why we have differences.

Not really sure whether that counts as lots in common or not. Not sure it matters

I'm guessing @Ruby0707 you are making what he said mean something about your relationship. Can you work out what that is and find out whether he really meant that ?

My ex and I had LOADS in common in terms of job, interests etc. He used to say we were soulmates. But our core values and temperaments were very different and in the end he treated me in a way that quite astonished me, and that I would never have treated anyone.

My new bloke is very different in terms of career, background etc, but somehow we feel like similar people in terms of our essential natures. I really like that!

Our values and personal life goals are very similar, we also have similar political views etc. We have very different personalities, he is very outgoing and confident (not cocky), where as I’m quite quiet and reserved unless I’m with a small group of people I know very well.

We both like sports and being active, but in different ways.
He likes football. Football is shite.
I love rugby, I’m a rugby player, he hates rugby, he however likes the players.
We both love being outdoors and see a home as just a crash pad.
We work in the same industry.
We come from completely different cultures.
We both love reading and have a similar taste in novels.
We both love gaming and have a similar taste in games.
We show affection, love etc in very similar ways.
We’re both huge maths geeks and do maths for fun.
We both naturally like looking after each other/other people. Although this means we sometimes argue over who is going to carry out a task.

We have a lot in common. Both have the same views on marriage and fidelity. Both love watching F1 and athletics although I like tennis and he doesn't really.

We both love reading, both love watching films. We also both like going to the cinema and theatre. We don't always like the same films and shows but we take it in turns to choose. We have both ended up really enjoying films and shows we would never have thought we would like. Luckily neither of us like horror films.

We have been married 40 years and always have loads to talk about

Not much in common for us. Totally opposite views on politics and religion, he us very sporty and active, I'm not! He is a bit of a hoarder, I don't have or need much stuff. We may have the very rare heated debate about things, but have rubbed along ok for nearly 20 years now.

@CeeceeBloomingdale

Values about 95% Interests about 50% Friends about 10%

Enough to have something to talk about, not enough to spend 24/7 together. The right amount I'd say.

I think it's really nice to have separate friends. I don't get why people need to share everything in their world. I want to be able to confide in friends and vent about some relationship issues without thinking 'should I really tell them this because they are also my partner's friend'. When people split up, it can cost them mutual friends and it can get too political.

Very similar values and interests, but different personalities; I'm the one who has ideas and pushes to get stuff done, while DH asks sensible questions and generally keeps our collective feet on the ground. Understanding and acknowledging what we each bring to the relationship makes us a good team.

We have a fair bit in common, both love food, both love getting out and about, both love the seaside, both love dogs. We have the same sense of core values, similar stance on politics, same sense of humour. But we’ve got plenty of differences too - he’s into sport, I prefer films, he’s got lots of friends, I have a very small group. I want a job I enjoy, he just wants to be well paid. We have less in common than I had with ex H on paper, but me and DP really care for and respect each other. We appreciate each other. So we’re really happy. I think that’s what matters.

I’m different to my husband.

We had different views around marriage but we married 18 years ago and he respected my views that I just wanted a small non formal affair.

His temperament is my opposite and I’m very laid back and he is always on the go .....it’s sometimes causes clashes.
He loves music and plus many instruments - clutter. Which I hate. Film choices are opposite.
But the bits that are important respect love and the way we approach parenting are fairly aligned :) so it works :)

Not much. He's quite political and spends a lot of time looking at forums about politics and world events whereas I can quite happily spend an hour watching a spider sat on a dandelion ...I'm a space cadet and he's quite serious. He's quite active, I'm really not. I can cook, he's dreadful. He's veggie, I'm not. We both roughly hold the same views and values although I can be swayed and debated with he cannot. I'm very sociable with different groups of friends, he's quite insular, he has a better job. We're happy - it works