Getting some perspective of dds dad

[Survivingastorm]

Already posted some similar but name changed.

My ex and I have a beautiful dd who is almost 2, he was abusive so I left him. Went through court as I had safe guarding concerns. Court has now granted over night stays in the interim as ex wants to drag this out to a final hearing.

Initially I told ex until I could be sure dd was safe with him all contact would be in a contact centre, and id pay half, or supported by one of my family members plus anyone that he wished to bring (I wouldn't allow it to be just his family as they allowed and almost encourage ex's behaviour). Over a 4 month period ex refused to see dd unless it was unsupported or ask how she was because I said communication was to go through my sister as he was being abusive via email. Now he is seeing dd again, court had order every other weekend for him to see dd but he wanted every weekend or 3 out of 4 weekends. Court has said for there to be video contact in-between visits but ex has said no it isn't a good substitute for face to face therefore I don't want the calls as they're not beneficial.

It is illogical or unreasonable to think that this behaviour shows that if ex isn't getting his own way he is just simply not interested.. and that he doesn't seem to care for dd much?

Even issues he has raised to the judge and the judge has said no it will be this way he is still contesting.. which seems crazy to me. The judge has already said no to your request why are you going to keep pushing it.

Bump

I would imagine he is doing this to upset you. Often if you leave someone abusive they want to keep making you unhappy in some way. Many abusers do this by ‘using’ the contact with the child to force the mother to keep in contact with them.

It’s a horrible situation, but I think all you can do is stick firmly to the contact agreement. Only speaking to him via a third party is a good idea as well, I see you’re doing this with your sister. It may also be a good idea to hang onto those abusive emails, as horrible as they are. They may be useful if you need to go back to court.

It's just more the fact that I think he behaviour and actions prove he doesn't care about our dd. We are actually still in court over this and he has contested everything cafcass and the judge advised on.

But I also don't know if I'm projecting. Because I wouldn't go four months of not seeing dd, I would do whatever I could to see dd. For him it's either he sees her his way or not at all.

Let him make a tit of himself before the court, hopefully they’ll lose patience with his antics sooner rather than later.

I do hope so @AgentJohnson, in the beginning he had made me out to be some crazy mother stopping him from seeing dd. If only evidence could be presented at the beginning of the process it would have cleared that allegation up straight away.

Just 'smile and wave' keep a journal of what he's doing and give him enough rope to hang himself. Judges aren't daft and will see through his obstructive behaviour. They will simply rule what's best for the child. If he's being g a dick, it'll only go against him

Well on top of this @LilyLongJohn, he wants me to drag dd on the train and 5pm on a Sunday to do a 2 1/2 journey I've done the journey before.. it's a lot of waiting at cold remote stations. As I don't drive I said I'll pay for half the petrol but it isn't fair to drag dd on the train especially at this time of year, not bothered about myself, for her it isn't fair. Judge agreed it wouldn't be in dd best interest, again ex is contesting. So hoping she'll see he isn't really interested in dd or what is best for her.

And still he continues, allegations of me trying to alienate him from dd because I want to have some weekends with her too. In any event he has said we would be going to every other weekend anyway once dd is in nursery so we are talking a matter of months. And even if I was ok with not getting weekends to see family with dd I honestly believe if I agreed to it ex would make it so difficult for me to go to every other weekend anyway.

Just log all the conversations, try not to talk to him directly, set up an email for him to discuss this with you, that way you can prove his batshit requests. Then simply print off and show to your solicitor. As I said previously, judges aren't daft, they deal with people like him all the time. They'll do what's in your dd's best interest