Middleagedmum4
Bit of background .... Known my husband 34 yrs, been married 24. Before we were together he was a player and if I’m honest a bit of a tw*t. Anyway it came to be that we got together, we knew each other inside out and we clicked massively from a relationship point of view. We married had a daughter and 3 yrs later a son. It was about 18mths after our son was born he had a brief affair, he insists to this day it was nothing sexual but that he did over step the mark by meeting her outside of work and was wrong. I wasn’t sure at the time if I truly believed there was nothing sexual in it but decided I loved and wanted him enough to give our marriage another chance. That was 15 yrs ago and since then he has been the most doting husband anyone could ask for, we’ve had our bumps in the road but nothing abnormal or serious, we have a strong and solid marriage. Anyway about 2 wks ago I saw him texting and noticed a 😘 being sent, rightly or wrongly I secretly read the messages when he went to the toilet. It was from a work colleague, the content of the messages was everyday chit chat about what sort of day they’d both had and 😘 from both at the end. I then scrolled right back and this sort of chit chat had been going on for weeks. I confronted him later that night, he swore that it is purely platonic and that it helped to have someone from work to talk to about the stresses in the company (they are going thro big changes) and insisted it was purely friendship but nonetheless it was a friendship that meant a lot to him. He has since told me he’s been honest with her and told her I am not comfortable with the out of hours texting and that he doesn’t want that to continue because he doesn’t want to hurt me, there have been no more outside of work chats/texts between them. He is totally open with his phone and iPad (they are linked so have mirrored content) and has been totally honest that while he understands my insecurity neither he or she have no intent of this going any further than the good friendship it is........ so why the hell am I struggling with it so much ???? Every minute he’s at work in my head he’s sat laughing with her, sneaking up to the office to her see, is he 10 mins late coz they’re chatting in the car park and tonight he’s going for a farewell drink for one of the other managers and I’ve managed to tell myself that’s a lie and he’s really going to meet her .... it’s driving me insane, I think I know in my heart there is no more to this than a friendship (she is considerably younger and is engaged with a child) but I’m becoming obsessive about it and I don’t know why . We’ve talked and talked and talked some more and while he’s here with me I 100% believe what he’s saying but when he’s at work I become this paranoid, neurotic crazy woman in my head which I unleash on him when he comes home. How do I tell my head that my heart is right