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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

What’s happening here?

9 replies

Sooki6 · 25/09/2020 21:17

My OH have been together for 12 years now. We have two children together. I can’t quite get my head around his logic sometimes. There have been many issues over the years. Tonight I knew what’s was coming. Excuse the details but it’s important...
we don’t have a joint bank account. This suits me perfectly and him also. We work out our finances so that we are left with the same disposable amount of income each for each month. We sat down the other night and had a review of things and figured I need to transfer £160 a month to make it equal. That’s fine and I completely agreed. I do a food shop every week and tell him how much he owes every other week. It usually comes to around £80 for our Aldi shop. So, I said that instead of paying him, I could just take compete control of the food shops and not ask him for money towards food. He agreed as it’d come to the same as I had to transfer him. This by that way all begins in October from our next payday.
So tonight it’s his last shop before I take over and I said that I’d go to Aldi and do the shop. He disagreed and said he fancied a Morrison’s shop and that he wanted to go. Fine. But I said it’d cost more but that it was his shop and he agreed. And what happened is exactly how I’d expected. We walked out after he spend double what we would have in Aldi as he placed things in the trolley and then walked out in a mood because he was paying.
This sounds completely petty- believe me I know, but I find him completely impossible. This is our normal and drives me insane.
He went onto saying that he was going to be down in money because I wasn’t paying him(although he’s have to pay me back because I’d be doing his two shops- which he’d agreed to. But when it suits him, he turns on me and makes it all my fault when I’ve not made the decisions. I hated the silence and so I offered to pay him half and he still didn’t answer. I said that he could at least thank me but he said he was too busy because he was driving despite him listening to Talk Sport.
This is normal stuff. I’m exhausted. It’s so bloody ridiculous and petty but it makes me feel so on edge and anxious because I know what’s coming. Am I mad?!

OP posts:
ClementineWoolysocks · 25/09/2020 21:32

I think it's really weird to be handling finances this way after 12 years.

Aerial2020 · 25/09/2020 21:53

You pay each other back over a family food shop??
That is weird.
Do you count who eats what??
If you don't want a joint account, why doesn't the food come into the overall household budget in a household account?

SVHJess · 25/09/2020 21:56

I’m sorry but this doesn’t seem healthy or that you’re both fine with the arrangement. I really don’t get why you’d split things this way after so long.

Flamingnora123 · 26/09/2020 00:34

I agree that the issue here is how you split money and count everything out. Me and the husband don't have a joint account because we just think all of the money is our money - sometimes I pay for more, sometimes he does depending on our finances at the time. It's a far less stressful way of doing it if you don't want a joint account.

SandyY2K · 26/09/2020 01:45

Just ignore his silliness....from October you'll be doing the shopping.

Aquamarine1029 · 26/09/2020 01:50

After 12 years and 2 children he's still such a miserable, immature prick? You're either a team or you're not. Which is it?

All I know is that I would never tolerate this petty bullshit.

Frappuccinofan · 26/09/2020 01:52

Whilst I’m all for independence, your financial set up is a bit strange. Seems childish to keep tabs on who spends what on the weekly grocery shop

beachydreams · 26/09/2020 03:00

Seems very childish

Monty27 · 26/09/2020 03:19

It's not hard. There should be a joint pot for shopping but it sounds like even that wouldn't work without drama. I couldn't live like that. There should be joint money somewhere. Omg I'd blow if someone was so picky about money 😶

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