Struggling to adapt

[p3achnation]

Hi,

I think I just need a rant if I'm honest.

I'm really struggling to deal with my emotions and mental health currently.

Me & my partner have recently split after 8 years. We have a DD together and I'm finding it so hard to adjust not living in the house which I called a home for so many years also taking my daughter away from that family environment.

Me & DD have moved into our new home in a different area which I don't know well. My ex partner currently wants 50/50 childcare (I'm not happy about this but I don't really have a choice) I suppose it's good that her dad wants to be so involved.

I'm really struggling to deal with the change, not seeing DD half as much ( we are used to being together constantly) living in a new area and not knowing what to do with myself when I don't have DD. The guilt of not seeing her as often is eating me up and having a negative impact on my mental health which was already in the toilet.

Should I have stayed in the toxic relationship for an easy life?!😢 will things get better? I'm so lonely and I'm really struggling.

I'd just like to add, it was my decision to end the relationship. My ex never tried to stop me from leaving which made me think he must have been feeling the same.

You have done the right thing and life will get better. Be strong and hang on in there. Chat to friends and family - tell them how low your mood is, get yourself a support network.

You did the right thing. I say never stay just for the kids. My parents had a very toxic relationship and as a child it affected me negatively in such a way that I am dealing with my own mental health issues, I struggle with relationships and how to handle life issues etc. I wish my parents had split when I was young.

You are strong and your child deserves to see their mother happy and confident. Now you and your husband can be great role models for your daughter.

And when you’re really struggling, ask yourself would you want your daughter to stay in a relationship that’s toxic just because it’s “easier”? I would think you would want her to lover herself enough to leave.

You are strong because you took that first tough step. So find things to stay busy while your DD is with her dad. Meetups, hobbies, reading, exercise and one day it will not hurt as much. You can do it! Good luck!

OP, that sounds so difficult. No wonder you are struggling.

Would it help to give yourself a very simple schedule to follow while she's with her dad and set some simple goals that will help you fele good.

E.g.
You could clean the home , do the week's laundry and get the weekly shop in while she's at her dad's so you have more time to play and chill with her when she's home with you.

You could make a list of self care goals and do some each time she is away. Anything from painting your nails or shaping your brows to doing an online CBT course or reading some self-help books on self-esteem etc. You could do an online free course or set aside an hour a day to do some yoga, meditation and affirmations.

Try and think of the time she's away as time to refuel yourself in every way - mentally, physically, emotionally, so that you feel livelier and more positive when she is around, and have the home in order so it becomes a cosy haven for you both.

Thanks so much for you kind words and advice, it is much appreciated. I just can't see a light at the end of the tunnel at the moment and it feels as if I'm going to be stuck feeling like this forever 🙁 I'm constantly doubting if I've done the right thing for myself & DD.

Just take one day at a time. It’s the weekend so play games or do some crafts with your daughter.

You won’t feel like that forever unless you allow yourself to. I did that once and mourned a guy for years which means I missed out on so many opportunities to be happy and possibly find someone else. Don’t do what I did, life is short.