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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Is aggressiveness ever justified?

9 replies

crayolacat · 25/09/2020 12:04

My husband has been just awful lately. He has worked from home since February, gained loads of weight and eats junk food every day. He won't do anything around the house, I do everything even though I'm out working for 10 hours a day.

Every evening he plays video games, as soon as he finishes work at 5pm until midnight. Last night I had enough and disconnected the WiFi. He went ballistic as he was close to the next level in the game, he was fuming at the mouth. He hit me round the face with a cushion several times, and then grabbed my arms hard and shouted right in my face. My arm really hurt and still hurts today, I couldn't even touch it in the shower as it hurts so much, but there is only a tiny bruise.

He thinks I'm making up the pain and made the bruise myself. He keeps saying I was in the wrong as I disconnected and ruined his game.

I wish I could say this is the first time - he has poked my arm so hard in the past I've had a mammoth bruise. He keeps saying it's my fault as I do things I know will upset him.

I know he's in the wrong, but he just can't see it. I've told him I can't live like this anymore.

OP posts:
ClementineWoolysocks · 25/09/2020 12:37

He keeps saying it's my fault as I do things I know will upset him

Ahh, that old chestnut.
He is responsible for his own behaviour and reactions, it's never anyone else's fault if he chooses to be aggressive and violent.
This time it was a cushion to your face do you really want to hang around for it to be fists?

Wolfiefan · 25/09/2020 12:39

No. Violence is never ok.
Time for an exit plan OP. Sorry you’re going through this. Flowers

Shoxfordian · 25/09/2020 12:40

It's never ok
Sounds like you need to speak to a solicitor
Can you stay with family?

EternalOptimist7 · 25/09/2020 12:41

Oh OP that’s just awful. You are getting nothing from this relationship. Please leave & find someone who loves & respects you as your husband clearly does neither.

Bunnymumy · 25/09/2020 12:44

Holy shit op that isnt aggressiveness, it's full on physical attack.

Leave!

Bluntness100 · 25/09/2020 12:46

That’s not aggressiveness that’s violence and the answer is no. Domestic violence is never justified.

Sliceaspice · 25/09/2020 12:53

This is domestic violence.
There is never an excuse, and I am someone who, in a state of sleep deprivation, whilst being antagonised by DH and him waking the baby in the early hours, I lunged at him and scratched his face.
I was disgusted with myself and sought help. I realised I was in a toxic relationship and I'm planning my escape, because violence is never ever ok regardless. Nobody should be going over that limit. Ever.

MsEllany · 25/09/2020 21:22

Don’t downplay it as aggression. That is physical assault, and you NEVER deserve that. And for the crime of spoiling a game?!

You need to leave him.

Amanda87 · 25/09/2020 22:19

LEAVE THIS GUY FOR GOD'S SAKES!!!!
SERIOUSLY. THAT'S ABUSE AT ITS FINEST.
SORRY.

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