Is this abusive?

[ElzP]

Ex partner - DD dad - shared custody with me.

He has been getting Dd to write letters saying things about me and my partner when she is with him.
He then takes photos and sends them to me; saying I am abusive towards dd and that he is going to restrict me seeing her.

I'm worried for dd. She is seeing an independent councillor as she isn't coping with the change of shared custody and I'm concerned he is psychologically and emotionally abusing her.
He tells her what to say / not say. If she says something she isn't suppose to either to myself / school etc he shouts at her and will punish her.

This isn't the first time he has made her write letters; I'm doubtful this is even her writing it; but I'm unsure what I can do about it.
He's also made false allegations to the school, the GP and social services about me - all with no further action.

He was emotionally manipulative and abusive to me; he continued to gain shared care of DD and is now making it his mission to get full care of her and get me out of her life.

I was advised not to go to court again so soon after an order had been made when he did this previously but now I am deeply concerned for DD as the letters are now making accusations about myself and other family members, as well as my partner and also calling herself a liar - if it is actually dd writing the letters that is.

I would be going straight to social services with those letters. I don't see how you have any alternative.

Take this higher before he does. He is obviously trying to scare you and use this as some kind of evidence. Record
A conversation with your daughter asking why she makes the letter and does daddy tell her what to write and why did she tell lies. Obviously it isn’t ideal to have to do this but, you need proof that it is false and he is making her do this before it gets out of hand.

Thank you both.

I was unsure if I was over reacting etc
He's made me feel for years that I'm in the wrong so wasn't sure if my feelings on the letters were the same as what everyone else's would be.

Have contacted a solicitor this morning; so am waiting for a call

Thank you both

That’s what narcissists do, it’s never their fault is it! And now he’s moved on to your daughter. Very sick. Logically social services would surely think it’s strange that everyone in her life is apparently abusing her apart
From him.. you, your boyfriend, your family.. ridiculous! He’s probably jelous that your life is moving on without him and is trying to hurt you through your daughter. Sad little man, definitely tell your solicitor everything and see what they suggest! Your welcome xx

Get to a lawyer and seek advice then contact social work.

Sounds like he’s going to make this hard for you. He’s obviously not letting the separation and you moving on well and unfortunately your daughter is taking the brunt of this.

I would say that’s he’s being extremely selfish and not thinking about how this is affecting your daughter.

Also I would say to keep a diary and log the incidents x

That's a great idea! I am going to start keeping a diary - I only Communicate with him via email / text message so I have an evidence log already.

He is totally a narcissist but everyone believes him - and it's so frustrating for me and my daughter.

I was worried for her when it became shared care and it's getting worse for her she's turning into a nervous child

Going to speak to the solicitor and see what they say today but will update when I've spoken.

I wouldn't ask your DD questions about the letters. I would call up SS and her school and report that you have concerns that she is being emotionally abused and is either writing letters full of lies about you and your family or is being coerced to into doing so.